Elucidating Questions

That would be such a lie

On my mind

Interloper

Such affection for nothing

It’s a part you portray so I had to know the real person

Desperately

Foolishly

There are shields I will never know

If I could will it

It can’t be chance if I force it

But possibility is terrifying

Waiting for something that may happen

I don’t know what I’m waiting for

That’s the problem

I don’t even know if it’s in my stars

If I could see you I’d tell you

All those nights I was alone and you were my only friend

I’d tell you all those moments I felt so low and you took my hand and helped me back up

I’d tell you of a homesick and scared young person reaching back for home and finding you

I’d tell you I thought you were a complete prat

But when you made fun of yourself I didn’t anymore

I’d tell you some of your lyrics I can’t listen to anymore because time has soured them

The meanings these things have for me now

I’m just the blurry person in the background

I don’t have any spark

I don’t burn bright like all the people that surround you

But I believe in you

I don’t know what that means

Because it’s not like you need believing in

You’re the Sun coming out

The days seem so colourless here

A dash of colour

I’m frustrated with myself for this

Ashamed

Who does this?

Me, apparently

I’m not your average person

That’s probably why I’m alone

But I firmly believe whatever you put forth next will be just as brilliant as before

You have this technical grasp of music that I could never

So caught up in its magic am I

I don’t bring anything

Background character in everyone’s stories

I just wanted to shine

Just a bit

For you

The sky is weird

It’s cloudy

And it’s not weird that it’s cloudy but it has this odd yellow tinge

Like the Sun is in places it ought not to be at 11am

Like outside is cloudy at 4pm right now

And it could rain

Rather I’m willing it to

Rain in July

I was wondering where the wind was

And then they swept by my legs

And again for good measure

What strange weather this is

Clouds depicting the wrong time of day

What is this strange place I’ve woken up in?

This day feels off

I didn’t get to sit in my sunbeam this morning

Please don’t suddenly become cloudy just as Saturn is coming up

I missed so much of him last year

I miss when he was in the Summer

Well, as long as the wind’s there, eh?

I wish the clouds would fall to the ground

That curious way that dandelions stay closed in the shadows but open under the clouds

Like they’re welcoming

The rain

That just started falling

Blessed be it

Ah the moment the rain begins to fall

What lovely and cooperative clouds these are

We need a word for it

The beginning of the rain

A nice Summer downpour

That would be nice

The yellowness has faded

They’re back to being grey

What a strange moment that was

Like the sky above them was on fire

How peculiar this world is

You always show me such interesting things

If I could softly align these thoughts

If I could make them make sense

Would the chance be born?

If I could put aside all the problems of this world

And just see you

Would you just see me?

I can’t see someone I can’t see

I have sat here guessing a thousand guesses

Strangers

And I’m strange and can’t handle that

If I could find the thing that makes you different

Would my heart finally let go?

Clinging to you

Desperately

And I ask it why

And together we just say

I don’t know

We don’t know together

And together we go

If there was a way to you I would have found it by now

Instead I am frozen in Time

Wondering what I missed

Surely it was something important

There’s no way to know if there’s a tomorrow

And I leave into the night again

Into stories my mind keeps telling me

If only I could switch them

Just exist in my dreams

The Universe named me Sleeping Beauty

I’d exist with a thousand fake yous

A thousand faces my mind wears

Don’t you wish it?

Don’t you wish I would disappear?

But reality it doesn’t give in to my endless wishing

A million shooting stars couldn’t make up for all of them

Crumpled into the flames

I could find out a billion things about you and never know what’s right

Hey

Are we sitting beside eachother?

Looking at the stars?

To come to the end of the day with you

It’s not nearly enough

But we’ll be continuing forward

Every day I wake another marching day

Through this wilderness of nothing

It’s not me

I know that

I want to know

So many things

Will you strike me down at the end of the journey and laugh?

This life when I didn’t meet you

切ないほど寂しい

This song feels like it’s mocking me

I tried screaming louder

And louder

I don’t know how to come out of the shadows

The Sun lights me but I remain completely unknown

The people who I want to hear me never do

Yeah, great, generic pop songs sound like him now

Butt face

If the someone screaming love is me

Endlessly giving the world what I want

It certainly feels like I’m alone

I want someone who can see me

Tell who I am

Without me even noticing

I’m looking for the same dedication

I don’t know where he is

What a stupid question

I don’t know anything really

See the biggest joke would be me setting eyes on my true love and dying

But they might just go for the easy

And they never found their love

Stupid Author

Stupid Fates

Curse you all to live the same life as me then

I remember reaching my early adulthood and feeling like everyone was leaving me behind

Now they’re gone

So far from where I could see them

A future without you

Seems so pointless to me

And yet here I am in the future and my hands are empty

My bag is full

Alone on this path

I don’t know where I thought I was going

It’s much too late to go back

I hope there comes a day

Even if it’s somewhere so far away from here I can’t imagine

I’m not the one

I remember that so clearly

Let go of the glowing orb you’re not the one

But if we could just be near eachother

Enough to have a conversation

Call me maybe is so fifteen years ago.

Wow, we’re old

But maybe one of these wishes will come true

There’s so many, one of them has to spark

Maybe it’ll light all the other wishes ablaze

Leave nothing but ash

So I can start filling the well again

Maybe I’ll try water this time

See I threw a wish in the well

No one ever said it was a wishing well

My bad

I don’t think I ever lost that teenage fire

So many have

He has

All grown into tired adults

I’m a tired adult but I’m also a firey teenager

I’m also that scared tiny child with nowhere to hide

Can’t they still feel them?

The fires of youth

Don’t they still burn within them?

That cold realization that this world was not what they told you

The want to rebel against it

Had they harnessed it

Would they have the same fire as me?

Instead they fell in line

He did too

He plays within his bounds

I didn’t see happiness in the adulthood my parents had

More freedom, perhaps, than I, a child

I never wanted what they had

Ironic I ended up with less

Clearly I should have specified I wanted it better

I suppose

They’d have to have that fire too

I didn’t really realise he doesn’t until now

It must suck to be a product

Sometimes I pity him

Sometimes I wonder if somehow

I ended up with more of me

And they all ended up with less of themselves

So many will disappear into it

Who’s going back 3000 into the madness?

3000 moments in time

Some I can explain

Some I can’t

If I could break the pain

Wander in the light without the chains

When I see chances I take them

There just haven’t been many

Some people get more chances than others

It’s probably partially my fault

For being shy

But what did the world expect?

I’m told I was an incredibly outgoing kid

Well toddler I guess

I never felt genuine connection when I was young

I have memories of being 5 and going to birthday parties and having them and

Those people never stuck

No one ever did

Except the people who are stuck with me

If I could change reality

Just a bit

I would make me stickier

I don’t know what about myself I can change to fit other people

I tried everything

I mean, so many times

I’m still this me that no one really needs around

Sometimes I exist to spite all the people that don’t need me

I feel like I tried to pull a cool shortcut in Mario Kart and fell off the path

If I pile it

And pile it

Will it somehow become better?

You didn’t want to be shown

Misunderstood the assignment

Sing it back but actually no

Here I go taking things literally again

I may not have value

My song may be worthless

Has any song gone as long and as unsung?

No melody nor music

Well, no

The music is written in in ways you couldn’t imagine

I don’t know about you

But I see all this bleeding and think

If someone had come along to help pick up the pieces

It would have created a different world

It must be easy to love the world when you have friends and a person who love you

I don’t know about you

But I am very alone here

Surrounded by beings whose languages I don’t speak

I used to day dream about this house in the woods by a waterfall

Worry that I would get lonely there

Well, joke’s on us I guess

Because I live in the middle of “civilization”

And I’m lonely here

Never alone

But so lonely

自分に似てる人ってないの？

Am I even human?