Elucidating Questions

It may be the sexiest bass line ever played

Reaching back into the past

Even if it’s all a lie

Really that’s for the best

Whirling around me

Dancer

It’s gone this way

I’ll just have to surpass you

Somehow

In the glow of the last embers of the sunlight

Untold spirits

I’ve had dreams where you disappear

It’s a pain I cannot describe

And yet

Surely you’d rather it be me

I have to let people think what they will of me

I have to be stronger

Flickering

How could something so massive seem to small?

Gentle with a kick

There and here

Two places in the same place

How our figure doesn’t falter

How we continue to believe with nothing showing us forward

Hello

I can feel us both laugh

Oh I know you

Chasing the Sun

Even if the light never comes

Even if we spend our lives chasing sunlight

Starlight

As the nights go on and on

Did you notice they went quiet when you came in?

My beautiful, precious, spirit

Someday

Face to face I want to thank you

For being bright enough to make me stay

Ah, if only they could see

This strange magic

It’s okay if the night stretches on when you’re around

Someday I’ll figure out how to reach through time to you

That’s odd I thought that glitch had been fixed

Well, I went looking for him and found you

My most precious things I can’t see

This is such a tiny planet

I wish they all knew how breakable and precious it all was

I wish they recognised the majesty of the Universe

I wish we were together

Standing on the same Earth

Same as him

I’d have put up with never knowing you

Ah, these human problems

I want to see you

I want to see him

This wish well

It’s overflowing

Someday let’s sit at the sunset and sing together

In another place

It’s so very like me to just continue doing the same thing

Maybe different

Slightly

I don’t have a problem with loving random people

Or just being a decent person

It just feels so much like this world has taken advantage of how

Willing I am to be loving

The way people come up to me, use me as free therapy, and then go

Complete strangers

A sensitive creak from the Maple

Yeah I feel like a tree

They come up to me, do whatever they want, barely react to anything I say, and then go

Should I not be treating it as something valuable and precious?

Not keeping it away from everyone

But choosing more carefully who I give it out to?

No point in asking you

Because you agree

In fact

If all the madness is true

Have been saying something to that effect from the beginning

So many times

He’s not worth it, they’re not worth it,

If you had your way you’d have me lock it up

I’m not going that far

The only one who doesn’t demand it of me

Oh come back

That’s better

Was that an extremely unsubtle attempt at not saying I told you so?

Yah

Maybe you are my downfall

Maybe we turn me into something better

I don’t think I should allow myself to have love demanded of me anymore

It’s probably the first step in getting over this hurdle

Because if I considered what I do valuable in any way

I wouldn’t readily offer it when little has been offered to me

Exchange

Reciprocation

Mutuality

Without these chains

Where would I go?

What would I do?

Without all these circumstances weighing me down?

Would I have bothered to publish that book?

Would it actually have grown into the trilogy I imagined?

Would I have finished university?

Would I even be in Canada anymore?

Without all these things trapping me here

With you to rub it in my face that I have nothing

Flaunting

And that I could create a thousand fold and see nothing come from it

What a sad thing

To create something from nothing and still be nothing

I would say you couldn’t even give me the one thing I wanted

But I didn’t want a thing I wanted a person and persons have free will

And their will is usually to get away from me

No, in fact, you’ve given me most things I want

It’s not like I actually want food I want to not be hungry so not getting food is just kind of

Whatever

But these things I don’t in fact need

You’ve showered me in things

Almost like a consolation prize

Sorry your one doesn’t want anything to do with you

Have some stuff

It’s my fault for picking the wrong person anyways

Besides it wasn’t supposed to be that way around

I’m lost and looking to be found

Not out here collecting collections instead of having the one thing I want

Wouldn’t love be lovely?

Have I misunderstood something?

All these stories about how great love is

All these songs

I feel excluded from them

I never even got to find out what it was like to have someone

Want me

Like actually want me and not just if it’s convenient or until I start standing up to the abuse

What it felt like for my mind to trick me into feeling wanted

Never the actual experience of it

20 years of begging for someone

1 year of thinking we found them and being oh so very sadly wrong

Hey, Universe

I’ll go back to trying to save humanity when you’ve actually found me someone

Call me selfish but I don’t much feel like saving a species that let me fall this far through the cracks anymore

When my isolation ends

Demand whatever

Sew the chaos

Fuck the timer

I’m alone and I’ve had enough of it for 7 years

Maybe it’s time to stop pouring my love endlessly into other people

Maybe it’s time to be supremely selfish and keep it all to myself until someone fucking shows me why I shouldn’t

As per usual I don’t have any interest in being anything other than decent

But I’ve been going above and beyond for this world that gives me nothing in return for too long

I never loved anyone expecting repayment or anything of the sort

But this is… This is punishment.

Another day is gone

Hermes whispers in a yell in the night

I don’t owe my love to anyone

One love for all?

None for one?

I’m not the one who’s selfish

The world demands of me

The Universe demands of me

If you want it?

Come and get it.

Even though I want you

I want you in my life

I could never come up with the proof that I need you

And, I mean,

I’ve made it these past years

No thanks to anyone except for money which I don’t even really want

I did all this without you

Maybe it’s true that I don’t need anyone

Maybe it’s true

Because I’m here, aren’t I?

That’s the proof I didn’t need anyone

Even if I did

Even if every step was agony

If every morning was waking up in hell

If I felt my sanity slowly drip away

And had to fashion something new to make up for it

Even if I’ve needed nothing more than an 相棒

仲間

友人

友達

目に見える人

They see flashes of my soul

Never the real thing

I wonder if anyone in my life ever really got to know me?

I’ve done it alone up until now

And, truly, continuing alone is 悔しい

I come to the end of each day

Sing

Another day is gone and

Nothing to show for it

I may be no one, but I’m the most formidable no one they’ve never known.

Maybe

There’s no such thing as one love

Oh the irony

I’m the one who’s sick

You’re the one who disappeared

And if the one true love is the only one you get

残念

絶対絶命

I’ve stayed this whole time

Where the fuck are you at?

Imagining a world

With words pouring out

Where we were together

But as soon as I realise I’m imagining

The words they don’t come

Like waking up in a dream and realising it’s a dream

I imagine us talking

I imagine us creating

Singing

And this strange hanging around

If only for the last string of hope

That you’d notice

No

That you’d engage

There’s a well inside me

I’ve been tossing wishes in

So full now there is no water

It is no longer a wishing well but a well of wishes

Perhaps I used them all up without thinking

Trying to ride fate

And faith

In what, I don’t know

I truly believed you’d come running

Sometimes I feel like I’ll win

When the game ended years ago

Inside this soul of mine

Untouched

Nature threw in a little bit of that

I’m ablaze with it

This is just the tip of the iceberg

So to say

The world doesn’t know my potential and doesn’t want to know it

But recently,

From within

I want to know my true potential

I will surpass you

Just like I surpassed the others

I am a master of recognising patterns in language

I looked at a word on a bag that was written in Norwegian and thought for a second and translated it

I have about 2 hours in studying Norwegian on Duolingo

I get a feel for words

It translated so seamlessly in my mind

I do this with most languages that evolved close to a English and use Latin letters

If it’s written I can identify, from looking at the thing usually, what it says

So many words from Japanese came to me because the word felt like it fit the meaning

I don’t know what this skill is for

I extract meaning from things

Maybe that’s why I got so carried away by the madness

All the patterns seemed to point in only one direction

And being a master of words

I simply threw them

Well

It doesn’t really matter now

Then is done

If I could transplant myself from Canada to another country would I pick up the language?

Would it flow into me like so many of my collection of words?

So many words

Enough that I can probably make a full sentence out of just entirely different languages

Heavily relying on Japanese, but still

It’s a shame he’ll never know what I can do with words

He’s missing out on the language chaos

Yes

As much as I yearn

And hide the need

He’s the one missing out

Language is the one thing I seem to have control of

There are things that will never translate into prose

Hell he’s even missing those

His loss, I think

Shakespeare only knew one language

I know two

And enough of a bunch of other languages to make my head hurt

Edgar Allan Poe could only quoth the raven

Not the カラス

I am already more than those writers

Hell I bet I’ve written more than both of them combined

To not want to see what my Universe is like

Is to miss out on something unique

残念

でも確かにそれは他の者の見逃す事

残念

This heart language

I wanted to share it with the world

Time says there’s still time

Time is something I have and endless supply of

I can only improve

I want to improve