Elucidating Questions

I feel like I realised last time that the algorithm doesn’t like me

This feels familiar

Being invisible

It’s something I’ll never get over

That I wanted to blend in and disappear

When what I actually wanted was to be seen by someone

I rarely feel that

Fleeting moments

Never by the same person twice

Just outliers

I’ll never forgive this world for forgetting I exist

I’ll never forgive him for helping it

Staring out into space because if I don’t I might feel something

Don’t drag the Rabbit out

Let them sleep in despair

All I can do is hold the line

Let them recharge

He so casually breaks them to pieces

Us

I’m only here because we’re broken

They bubbled up earlier

Wanting to feel

Best not

We have things to do tomorrow and we can’t be exhausted because we were crying all day

I’m dangerous though

I don’t really care what the result is as long as I reach it

All that guilt

Weighing them both down

When it’s not even their fault this has gone on so long

That cursed heart of ours

Maybe I just don’t hear its cries

What strange fantasies he has

Heat

It’s just him

There’s nothing like that burning in me

But that’s not love, you silly boy

I don’t know what it is

Love’s words

I want to have a person

That I can wrap up in blankets and protect

Who will ask me to join them

Pillow forts

Why are they called pillow forts they’re mostly blankets

さー

Buying stupid gifts because we thought of one another

Stupid things

Either side of the coin does things to make the other smile

Could we even be two full humans?

There’s not enough space here

So much me

Such a tiny 姿

In comparison to everything else

I can’t feel at home here with you

Were we two we could stand beside eachother

Besides things left for the moment they’re discovered

Is there a way to fix our heart?

I barely feel it

Don’t tell me it died before I did

If the clouds are feathers can I gather them and make wings?

When my heart breaks

Is it truly in a vacuum?

Something deep inside me that no one else can feel

Why do I feel other people’s hearts break?

Spatial awareness

It’s worse when I feel nothing

苦しむ me

You think the pain is worse

Grey and stuck

You’d think some hide of the Rabbit would show

Broken hearted again are you?

Rage and despair

And I

There is something in me

There has to be, normal people don’t do this

But I have to question why

Feeling nothing is worse

Because the crying me is yearning for something better

望みがないなら苦しむ意味何てない。

What I feel is reserved to this awful fate

Shatter me, I said

Not knowing what it means

It must be nice to have no feelings attached to the things you make

Secret self

My entire being connected to it

シンプル歌手

Can’t do it

Can’t do “pop”

Maybe that’s what he wanted

We, they and me

The Rabbit won’t admit

I wish I could bring the change we want

But I’m just the last in the line up

Last resort

I want to push buttons

But I think it’s pointless

Is it apathy to just want to go through life as quickly as possible so the suffering can end?

Our suffering

Maybe their’s too

Finally

寧ろ

I want the Summer to end so this year will be over and I’ll have completed another year of isolation

One step closer to the end of it

I see nothing in our future

I want nothing but to pass through this life to the end

Someday Death has to come to me

I’ll sprint

No one will catch me

Yet you pull

If I could take that step

From zero

Zero から一

But I’ve taken so many steps and none have taken me that far

And time flows on

The city changes around me

And I am trapped in this place

No matter how many steps away from it I get

I just come back

How I want to leave this place

Ugh

Humanity

That is, being human

I want to shed it

My human skin

Become something else

I’m sure he’d like to blame it on him

I know well enough my own blame

They’re not bad dreams while I’m having them

It’s not the same as before

He lashes out for reasons I don’t know

Jealous

Self righteous

I don’t know, is it self righteous if he’s righteous about me who we’ve figured out is not him?

Jealousy is truly ugly

I could go back to not wanting anything

Then I’d have nothing to be jealous over

Then he’d want things though

Things I don’t

That’s why there’s both

Where we spotted the fissure

Each one of these is another bid for change

3200 bids for change

Oh gross here’s the melody to try to make me go back to thinking about someone who doesn’t even deserve it

I’m broken

You finally broke me

Dragging my ass through life doesn’t make me any less broken

I’m nothing but a living dead person

Even Death doesn’t want me

I hope that it’s just the beginning for you and the end for me

I cried earlier

Thinking of my life so far being just the beginning

That this hell could continue for many years to come

They put “this is just the beginning” as a firing up tactic

Now it haunts me

I don’t want this to have been just the beginning

I want my life to be over now

I wish you many more years writing the same song as many ways as you see fit

Longing for things you already have because without that longing you apparently don’t have much to say

That’s fine

万歳

I’m not disappointed just perturbed.

I swore you’d have something else to say by now

Does it have any other channels?

No, please, live to be 10,000 and do your thing

I don’t want to join you

We don’t forgive you for leaving us to die

You can’t string me through the years anymore

He’s gone

I am alone here

I wish you’d let me softly disappear

Slipping into some other place

I wish someone would challenge me

Keep me motivated

But it’s not going to happen and I’ve fallen far enough behind the rest of this race that I know I’m not finishing in one piece

Rather I’m already in pieces

Shattered beyond recognition

I want to fall here

I want to sleep for eternity

It doesn’t matter

But 頑張って

I’m sure everyone will love it

Mike already wrote a song about how everything is all about you

Recycled words

It’s okay the general public doesn’t notice these maddening details

10,000 years from now

I hope I continue to be nothing to you

I tried so hard to be something

But I’m not meant for that

You made sure of it

At any time, I’m looking to you

Even though tomorrow invokes fear

Mourning the days lost

And sleep curses me

As I try to find it, this day

Won’t even ply me with imaginary visions

Your face, unknown

How would I find you in this hazy sea of awfulness?

I didn’t want to live today

But in being rejected by sleep

I am forced to interact

Inhale

Inhale

It’ll run out and then I’ll be really unhinged

Daymares

Of course, because the dreams elude me

I’m stricken by sharp memories

Left to myself

Always by myself

All I do is sink into my thoughts

No one ever asks if I’m okay and means it

If I could answer honestly

Would I?

The endlessness that is this isolation

Government mandated

Poverty related

Disability related

Isolation

Where am I to go?

What am I to do?

With nothing to enable it?

Oh it would have been kinder to let me sleep

Hours should have gone by

I am in so much pain

And so trapped here

And I am looking for you

But finding you no where

I wish someone would just tell me if you’re there or not at all

You could walk the Earth and never find me now

I was so enamoured with the idea of there being a you

That I ran face first into a complete stranger hoping

And if I go on believing in you again today

Then the narrator gets to say hautily at the end “but no one came”

Another day that I am the fool

They say if you don’t believe it it won’t happen

But I have believed

20 years of believing

And don’t say

Just a bit further

To a being starving for love

Just don’t

Curse sleep right back

I could have lived without seeing today and you all know it

I want nothing more than love

Actual love

If I don’t get to have that then why have you torn sleep from me?

Don’t drag anything else from me today

This was already more work than it was worth

Won’t you come rescue me?

I’m out of my mind

Loneliness

Broken promises

Boredom

I have no way to rectify it

I want to move, but I can’t

I want to live somewhere else

But I can’t

I’ve been waiting for so very long

For you to appear

And take me into your arms and make this stupid world make sense for a moment

If you want to know why I reject to world ask why it rejected me first

We could go live quietly together

Do our own things but come together

I don’t know what I could offer

Whatever it is I’d give it to you

I don’t want this to be a parasitic relationship

I want to exchange

But you’d have to know I exist

And fall in love with me

And the only ones I can find to love me don’t exist

It’s all so impossible, yet, you tell me to just believe in it

Believe in it, but don’t expect it, but expect the unexpected

Truly I am trapped by humanity

I can’t shine here

The smoke is gathering again

My life could be worse

But then again I don’t see anyone stepping up to trade places with me

Won’t you please just find me already?

Half my life wasted with no one

If I believe good things will happen

I will look the fool when they never do

Don’t teach me a sound lesson and then tell me to dismiss it

He taught me a lesson

I’ll never forget how he taught me never to believe