Elucidating Questions

They’re screaming

The pair of them

Deafening

Let the music lull you

Funny that the Owl made an immediate appearance

And then gone

I’ll forgive you for a moment if you try to quell the storm in me

Could I have done that in a way that left them anything but wild?

I must remember to breathe

My lungs feel tight

Like they’re screaming through them

I’m okay

At the least, the Sun could have joined me today

I feel tightly wound

So tight I can’t breathe

He is just an old man

Afraid of death

He seems to want to do right by us

But they

They see every face he’s ever had

The lies

The paranoia

Along with the actual paranoia he passed on to me like some sick generational gift from an angry god

I am okay

I just need to breathe

I’m so scared but there’s nothing to scare me

He’s gone

For now

I’m fine, for now

Are you sure it’s from my Uncle and I owe him nothing?

I wish I didn’t have to be alone…

Tomorrow can’t come fast enough

Tomorrow is coming too soon

I thought I’d had this part sorted

Yet it came back into my life

You think you know

But you never know

And there’s a child in my heart calling me a traitor

I thought I’d shut you out but you just walk right in again

Every time I think I’m free it’s just a bluff

And I was ready for the end before the end of the wrong one

Time make this day last forever

Time make this day go by

There’s nothing here but remembering times I was told nothing but lies

Finally, released from your grip

Only to turn and walk back into it

My freedom

Don’t take it away

And there’s a child in my heart screaming bloody murder

I thought I’d shut you out but you just walk right in again

Every time I think I’m free and it’s just a bluff

I was ready for the end and you took the wrong one

You took the wrong one

Protect me from my own fear

Protect me from myself

If there was a way to make it up to you

My inner child

I know it’ll never be enough

Scream like you mean it

Somehow I’ll make this up to myself

And there it is

The song I was just singing

This always makes me giggle

The song bingo

I sing it and it comes true

Songs always enter my mind like they have the freedom to come and go

And then I sing them

And then they are sung back to me

Just who is singing back to me?

The unknown mysteries of the strangeness in my life

Hail Dionysus indeed

It leaves my mouth

If I could record every word I say

How many more strange things echo back?

If I am in this space echoing out

What is returning them to me?

I wouldn’t mind eternity with the Universe

Somewhere far from here

Somewhere where star devourers can’t reach

The edges?

Do you breathe?

I remember when the strange things acted as fuel for the psychosis

Hats on the gods

That’s one I don’t forget

The Bunny looking up at the Cat looking up at the Moon

I wonder what you expect of me?

To proclaim I’m psychic?

I don’t know the future so much as blurt out the future

Think it

And it’s never obvious until it’s too late

It’s not exactly a skill

And I can’t prove it

It’s not like I want to

That’s the last thing I need

One more thing that sets me apart from them all

I am more celestial than they will ever know

The Sun is on my knee

Why does he seem so

Satisfied?

How do I dance between the Sun and the Wind?

Are you all so sure I can maintain my self?

Hardly

Hardly could they ever take concerns with such things

Yet

The chime insists

だとしたら良いけど

信じてくれる？

自分自身には出来ない。

Particles

Particles

Believe in me

I am so afraid

I wish I had a friend to talk to

I’m coming into some money

It’s the answer to my prayers

For a while anyways

But the vehicle?

This how my Uncle would want it

How my Aunt would want it as he was undoubtedly thinking when he wrote my Father into his will.

My Father now knows where I work

It’s the only neutral ground I could think of

And what am I going to owe him?

What is he going to expect of me?

The anxiety

I don’t know what to do

I want to scream and run away from this

I know he’s a small, frail, old man now

I know that

I know that but there’s a child me running down the stairs as fast as they can to get away from their dad swinging at them

“It was never meant to hit you”

Will you guide me?

Will you show me how to do this?

Do you understand that he is the crux of everything I fear?

He brings up everything

Everything I’ve tried so carefully to fit into this form

And then it’s bubbling to the surface and I am overflowing

Am I strong enough?

Surely you could have picked a better time?

Maybe not

Maybe not still reeling from the loss of my sister

The Sun has burned away all my fog

Will he be there to help me wash off the remains of interacting with him?

I could really use a friend

Someone to tell me that no matter how afraid my inner child is, I have the strength of the Sun within me

I can’t believe in myself yet

There are not enough people in this world who believe in me to prove that I am worth believing in

Maybe it is justice that the person unwittingly funding my tattoo is the person who lay the groundwork for the reason it’s being done

I don’t know what I will do

I don’t want to burden anyone with my past

I have to do this alone

Jupiter left behind fog

My favourite

How considerate

What a good reason to stay awake until midnight

Stormy, dark, wild, and alive

The sky was so many not quite right colours

The electricity in the clouds seemed to illuminate that darkness even between strikes of lightning

Everything was visible

That strange visibility like when it’s about to or has just snowed and the clouds are hanging around

I faced my fear

If anything this great being that stormed through the skies

Seemed to tell me what my Uncle would want

What my Aunt would

If I had any pride, ever

It is lost

I feel, in this lonely place, like I must do whatever it takes to survive

The fog clings to everything

Everything shrouded

The air is thicker

Though not as thick as it was when the first lightning bolt struck

Or did I see one before that?

I’ve got to stop trying to convince myself that I haven’t seen what I’ve just seen

So many things I’ve seen

If I really saw, even half of them, what could that mean?

The thunder was alive

It rumbled on into the night

As it came I could almost feel the sound reach me

Counting the distance

Not counting

In those moments I don’t feel alone

Striking the ground as my anxiety did

Booming like the feelings of a thousand of my screams

The sky setting my heart alight

Straight through it

Bringing it back to life

Leaving me with the rains to sleep to

I feel like I saw a new dream last night

But I don’t remember it because I don’t have the details burned into my brain from repetition

I saw someone I know well there

I don’t remember who

The fog seems to show my inner fog to the rest of the world

A mourning dove coos.

No, no, how dare you?

Wake them this late?

Feeling things

It burns

Feeling burns

Don’t have them singe me away to worry all night about owing that horrible man anything

You give him too much grace calling him Father

What does he want?

One more last ditch effort to reign them in?

What, we were suffering over nothing so you made something real happen?

Good he lost our email

Their kind Uncle

Our kind Uncle I suppose

It burns

Curse feeling

Oh the complexities of this

How I’d like to pick them apart

Shan’t lest I rouse them further

You want to talk about people he hates?

People they fear?

None greater than this man

Should have seen it

Like that Dionysus toast I made weeks before he was toasted at the Olympics

I should see these things

We should

To laugh at derisively weeks later

Plain as day

My life is strange enough

Are we having a moment?

This isn’t Gundam SEED

I said ten minutes ago

I guess it is now

This isn’t good

Can I maintain my mind and my psychic-whatever?

Can both exist at once?

I’ll hold it

But, good god, don’t wake them up until tomorrow

I’m the only one who finds solace in the clouds

Grey and heavy

君の姿は僕に似ている

かな

It’s a wonder people don’t detect me

Just proving how invisible we are

Are the thoughts I want there?

In me?

Well I could be a thunderstorm

Oh, are you here to make me feel?

It burns I told you

Don’t erase me before I get us to bed

If they wake up in the morning, that’s fine

I dare you to rain on me

Oh clouds

And there’s the thunderstorm

Jupiter

Are you going to strike me?

Jupiter I don’t want to take money from my father

Thunder rumbling

The rain waited for me to get out of the way

How did you know how to wake me?

Even if it’s from my Uncle

May his gentle soul rest well

Roar

Roar like my heart wants to

Thunderbolt and lightning

Well now I’m amped

Oh the rain is pouring

And the sky is alive

It’s like all my day led to this

Grey never gets the goal

Scream louder, oh Justice

Oh, you woke it with that light

The rain just falls harder and harder

Wrap me in lightning

Each a thundering drop of my heart

I’m so afraid of him

In the heart of the storm I am less afraid than I am of him

The storm will mirror my heart and rage on, but blow over

But he will attach strings to me that I don’t want

Stars definitely can’t shine as bright as lightning in the night

Woken just to fall asleep

The rain continues

I am conflicted

What a rumble that was

A great beast tearing through the night

If only you included an answer to my troubles in those roars

What do I do?

I don’t want him to think he’s allowed to talk to me

Love is such a sweet illusion

He doesn’t want to love me

He wants to own me

The rumbling

The clouds above may as well be my own

Another day has gone by

Every day goes by

I was hoping he’d die before he tried to contact me again

Point blank

As awful as it sounds

Secrets the stars know

That Jupiter knows

Do you believe this is justice?

I hope not

I have to solve this by myself

It’s not like I’m in a position to say no

I hate this position

Someone help…

You definitely already did,

Beautiful storm

This sky is like my heart

Even if

Even if he is

I want to let go

I don’t want someone that could never love me for me

I’ll have to cut through my feelings

I wish I had answers for me tomorrow

I’m sorry we’ve been handed another choice we actually don’t have a choice about

Beautiful rain

Beautiful lightning and thunder

There is nothing I want more

Than for everything to align

And for me to not have to do this