Elucidating Questions

A gentle latte

That made me miss Japanese cafes

Cute little owl themed cafe

With some kind of some Asian thing called a Bao

I wanted a sandwich and the Universe was like no wait I have something better

It was better

Thank you Universe

They get the sugar right

I always find myself trying to get that taste from switching this and that in the American recipes but alas

It’s sweet, but not sweet

The taste of a sweetness that doesn’t assume its own sweetness

I miss that

I don’t know if it carries over elsewhere, but the Japanese habit of sweetening everything so it’s just not quite sweet

But still sweet

隠し味

Like the main flavour in things over here is sugar

Instead it plays a role and not the lead

Flavour

One of those things that is so hard to describe

Sweetness as an accent

I came back to Canada and suddenly everything was way too sweet

Sometimes being punched with sweetness is fun

Like with hi-chew

But I really do prefer when sweetness isn’t the only thing I taste

優しいラテ

Thank you for this different day

I will enjoy it

Watching the dandelions move

And wondering if there’s an imperceptible amount of wind blowing

Dandelions don’t move, right?

But then the Wind actually started blowing and showed me the difference

Mystery

I know they’re alive

And I know I’ve seen plants and trees moving without wind

But always figured it was somehow the wind

Now they’re all still like they noticed me noticing them

There they start again

A cat

Hello cat

It’s like they’re dancing

Who knows?

Yes the wind blowing them looked entirely different than this

And now the Wind has decided to exist

And all of them dance when the Wind comes

Before it was just one or two here and there

I would like that, I think

If dandelions danced

Who knows what’s actually happening

But imagining a world where plants aren’t just immobile beings

Maybe they were dancing because the Sun is on them and they haven’t woken up yet

And they are preparing their buds to bloom again for the day

Of course Hermes came along to wreck my fun

There are so many things about this world that I don’t know

Hypnotic Dancing Dandelions

What an interesting way to start the day off

Pain.

It is me

And I am it

You’d think taking 2 extra strength naproxen would help

It did, for about an hour

“lasts 12 hours”

No, no, please

My back insists on hurting

Finally got money to take care of myself and my body was like

This is the perfect moment to shut down

And I found myself saying to the chiropractor today

It hurts, but I can handle it

While being in so much pain I could hear it

Bless her for essentially ignoring me and continuing about her business until I was more improved

It’s just that it’s not like it’s just my back that hurts

Just that’s what hurts the most

A bundle of pain

I never thought I’d become the little guy in the robaxacet commercial with the pins in his back

Little me thought the commercial was funny

The little robaxacet guy is probably like

Who’s laughing now bitch?

That would be Hermes, they’ve been partying all day

I still can’t decide if the last one laughing is supposed to be me

Or you

God forbid we’re both laughing

Don’t blame me for imagining when the pain is so bad

Can’t even lean forward to see if Arcturus is out there

Blasted pain

And fuck doctors who refer you to “pain mindfulness” courses when what you need is pain management

I’d really like to see my doctor live through this amount of pain

Well I wouldn’t

You know

It’s frustrating

Being caught up

Heart, we are doing fine without any of that stuff

If we manage to bloom

Well I’m full of shame for it

Hermes is having a party

And there you are

Pointless nothing words

But they become messages from the outside

To do something

To keep going

The Cosmic DJ

Surely I thought of you and then you appeared

In the same way

Voiceless

Well the music is brilliant and filled with little things to discover

Another busy night of dreams

And going to space

What dream me does

I mean they have experience now I guess

Both the old man and woman died this time

I have to figure out what the difference is

Why him? Why her? Why both?

I could just pick up and go to Japan

But there’s living to consider

Yes, living

何と無く

And continuing ever forth

Days are far less terrifying when I know I’ll be okay

What a concept

I’ve bought myself some time

A thousand monkeys couldn’t write this

Only chaos embodied

Cheers to the Moon for that word when my brain failed me

There she is watching me

Watching over me.

As I go back through my life and see things that happened to me

And decide they weren’t okay

I feel more comfortable with myself

Sometimes it feels like video games are calling me out

Oh I’ll just play this game I’ve wanted for years

Why do you say such horrible things to hurt yourself?

Why do you refuse to say “help me” instead trying to avoid ever causing trouble?

And I’m like bitch

I just wanted to play a cute game this is rude

Just the Universe Universing

Of course, it’s true

I said this hurdle is high

越える

Who knows when this forward lurch will end?

But I have to try

I told you, I take chances when they are offered

Thank you for this chance

It would be truly tragic if I left this world before figuring out how to talk to myself

So nice to everyone else

So cruel to myself

It’s hard to justify positive self talk

When there’s hardly any coming to me

自ら立ち上がって

自ら

That’s a good word

Another one I absorbed from around me

I wonder why talking about how you’re good at something puts others off?

A mystery

These people around me

I don’t know what to say to create the connection I would need to believe in myself

I have to learn this

Without thinking it’s narcissistic to love myself

I can see me in the past as if they are another person

And understand that they didn’t deserve any of the crap my life threw at them

I just have to believe that me, now, deserves better

I have to believe that somehow

A strangely quiet day

I never trust these

Easier to trust the despair

Easier to trust when things aren’t right

Because nothing wrong

Nothing right

What is it?

This timer?

Only now you’re silent

Song?

You know that tentative step out into wild just as the rain stops?

Dawn may be cracking

I daren’t trust a sliver of light

Now now, we’ve spoken about asking me to trust things

Why does this feel like a shove?

Not the way that was

Like, remember me, and live

It came with purpose

How many times must I do this, I wonder?

Is there a way to reconcile every get up, and fall back down?

If it’s put against 今までの track record

I haven’t done much

Oh, okay, except 200 odd pages of

Of things

200 eh?

When it was disappearing into the nether

The numbers didn’t quite add up

Didn’t quite recognise the volume

It’s almost like changing my mind

Who knows if the sound is what I think?

Give me a chance to not give up

Or something

Ah, why me?

This 普通 something that wanted to be something real

If I become real

What does that mean for anyone else?

What is the difference?

The Resistance?

Yeah, the single person resistance

Fight

があって

Like the Midnight Lost Child

It just keeps coming back

Oh I shouldn’t laugh

There’s a me suffering under the fire

Still

何と無く

ね？

Extend the crazy

If you give me something to do I’ll start doing things apparently

It’s a wonder

Sometimes I’m impressed with myself

What a year of hell this has been

Sometimes I feel carried here

Dragged?

There has to be a choice

Perhaps the absence of one

Your brilliant apathy

Mine

Ours

At our worst we stop

I don’t know what best looks like

The light may be small

But somehow it shines

Maybe in this colossal darkness that has a meaning

If it doesn’t

I’ll make it have one