Elucidating Questions

Of course it’s a masterpiece

Repetitive

Masterpiece

Like if Chopin got caught up on one bar

Over and over

Still

It appears I’m not wrong

A pretty summarization

How to be both disappointed and blown away

The music is

Maybe there will be a off vocal album

Now or never?

Just say that another ten times

Not a journey

Nothing to discover

And it all flows so well

I don’t know

I feel

中度半端

ビミョー

His stupid angel vocals

You are a broken record

His stupid angel vocals are so beautiful and it’s not fair

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever getting back together

I just wrote the word ever for half as long as you repeated yourself

It’s so

Typical pop sounding

Find myself reaching for Linkin Park

Can I have something with a hint of Rock that isn’t obscene?

You’re not alone if you try?

People who have things say the darndest things

Calls to fight don’t hit the way they did

They just erase the fighting I’m doing already

何もない人に立ち上がって戦うか

So curious

Just do it

自ら戦う

Yeah fuck people that do that

No one ever gave me a good enough reason to

Why is the only song that actually reminds me of this band so typical?

I’ve been fighting for so long

I don’t know

These ones are okay

His voice just

I wish more people had a voice like him because then I’d have more people to listen to

I love this one

One of his mash up bits

What did he say?

I can’t remember

I guess I didn’t get my choice

This all just makes me want to dive into my dreams and never leave

Okay

Okay I will accept crystals as payment for not doing that

A bee likes this song

Haven’t really had any nights to live for besides when I was high

Couldn’t relate

Imagine being someone he actually wants to think of him

This one has that 80s drum kick noise thing

Maybe 90s

Time is hard, okay?

Suddenly Mass Effect

Well it’s not quite what I expected

It went by very quickly

Yup, a musical masterpiece as usual

You don’t do well when you’re alone?

Haha-

Imagine being alone

That must be awful for you and all your pictures and videos of you being with people

You’re fine

You’re fine, you’ll be fine

Fight more you mean

Fight more

Be more powerful

Be more resilient

Always more

At least

At least it’s not real

I’m still just a loser like me

Tomorrow is definitely a lot less terrifying than it was

At least if I’m disappointed I have something to do

Staying awake until midnight

I could do that

If I was actually a fan

No I’m some other thing

Not waiting for my reaction

Waiting for the reaction

A sleepless night?

Is it truly excitement?

So many stars

Arcturus setting

Vega taking up the top

If I could choose between

20 more of the same song sung slightly different

Or remembering a conversation with the being in my dreams

I’d pick the conversation

If I could just remember what he says

Would it finally answer my question?

Why?

A summarization

No doubt it will be fine

Just like all the others

Dedicated people don’t see the things that drive me mad

I wonder how they still hear the same sound?

Repetition

A meteor is only a shooting star once

Rather the leaves of a tree

Each slightly different, but of the same thing

There cannot be only a leaf

There has to be a tree

I seek

Originality and uniqueness

Not my flavour anymore

Am I ready to be blown apart again?

A blessing would be to forget about it entirely

Go about my life separately

But this heart of mine

Off it goes

It wants to say something soothing

And uplifting

We’re not giving in to it today

It doesn’t matter if I do

So I’ll go to the other side of the world

And visit my beautiful planet

Focus my love on something that doesn’t care

But just so happened to be at the exact right spot to guide me through hundreds of these nights

Even if it doesn’t make sense

Beautiful ring’ed beast

They’re all so far away

I could swear you’re closer

Desperation colours me in ways I do not enjoy

I do not like when I will do anything to survive

I do not enjoy the things I do

It’s much easier to exist when I don’t have to worry about anything

It doesn’t much matter who I am when who I am isn’t preventing me from surviving

I wish the dreams wouldn’t fade away

I feel like I tripped over one just then

Maybe my mind will write new ones

Somehow I have to just continue with this onward momentum

Without looking too close at the recent past when I had nothing

I feel like they’ve fallen there

When I reach the answer I always realise why there was no clear explanation

I curse how vague you all are

Surprises stress me out

And then I reach it and know knowing wouldn’t have helped

How I agonize while waiting

Life is

There isn’t a word

Chaotic and crazy and tragic and scary

And it is so hard to placate myself with past enjoyment as a reason to see the future

When weighing hard on me is the truth that I have to suffer until that unknown possible better day

And I still don’t know who, what, how,

I am

If I needed something to keep me busy

So that I wouldn’t get stuck on it

I can almost excuse all the bad behaviour over the last few months

Just desperately trying to seek a tomorrow that was different

The desperation

Rather I should be in awe of the continuance

Somehow I carried me here

Despite it

Despite the desperation

Thank you for every night that ended the same

That you didn’t give up

Somehow we are here

何と無く

Something and nothing

And, no, I don’t think it was “worth it”

That greatly diminishes and invalidates your pain all those days

All those years

Doesn’t acknowledge the temporary aspect of this moment

But you made it

Here we are

A moment of reprieve from the hell

A thank you to the past isn’t enough

Dancing in desperation

How do I let go of that pain?

Back into retail hell tomorrow

Whether my body wants to or not

Not that I really need to go to work tomorrow

I so badly want to just quit

But I have to do my best

There’s no guarantee that I’d find something else before I’m back to having nothing

Two days

So, I will give you that staying alive for it was worth it

Though not in the way I was thinking

I deserve this little chunk of time I’ve bought

I do

So hard to believe in something so unproven

Proof, prove, proven

What a stupidly spelt word

Proh-v

Blasted English

I feel well separated from him right now

Well that’s an interesting observation

I still don’t know the why behind the lot of it though

I don’t want to be alone

It would be nice to not be

It makes me wonder why I’m here

It’s so hard for me to do things that only benefit me

I mean, half the time, living does not benefit me

I want to sing

I want someone to sing to

With, if they should so choose

I don’t know how to find what I seek

I’m too afraid of what might happen if I’m behind closed doors with no one around to hear me scream again

I almost want to live too much to let myself love again

Self preservation

I’m not prepared for any of the trauma any relationship threatens to deal out if I misstep

Gonna go stare at Saturn because even the possible god of death and Time is less scary than a human

How I don’t want to be alone

How anything else terrifie

That one poem I wrote during the thunderstorm

Mysteriously copied itself into my drafts

The funny glitches

I got to do things for no reason other than enjoyment today

That was great

I think it’s been so long since I really did something for no reason at all

Everything has a reason

If it doesn’t have a reason I can’t excuse it being done

Even things that did have reasons couldn’t be done

Something done for no reason at all

How fantastic

How extraordinary

I felt

Real

Today

I had things to do so I went

But then I also did something for completely no reason at all

Something pointless

It’s nice to do pointless things sometimes

Why am I always “different” though?

Something unexpected

Forever I am trying to grapple with

My “special”ness

Regardless of whether that specialness is positive or negative

And I just want to know why

I mean allegedly

I do everything in my power to be different from everyone else

But, bitch, I do not have control over the way my eyelashes curl

Or my joints being hypermobile

Or needing a walker at 33 because of a heart condition

Which I got at 31

This extraordinarousness

Yup I just made that word exist

Extra being outside

Of the ordinariousness

I heave a sigh, because I don’t know

Is the Universe cackling at me? The universe? Hermes?

Laugh away

A nice day.

These are so rare

I’ll treasure it