Elucidating Questions

It’s always at the night slips over

As we face away into an expanse that would freeze us if that was where we stopped

I miss you

I realise that another day has gone by

I realise that every day that goes by is another wasted

Time we could have spent together

I wished I could play video games all day

This world is teen me’s greatest fantasy

Hours stretching on with nothing but screens and devices

Even though I wanted to play with all my friends forever

And now I’m forever playing by myself

A lonely life

In the middle of civilization

Hearing the sounds of the night moving in

A TV or something

A laugh

The cars roaring needlessly here and there

Yeah vroom vroom to you too midnight warrior

I don’t quiet understand the way the Dipper is leading Arcturus

And then they switch

Don’t you want to come wonder things with me?

Somewhere is there a me without me, myself, and I to keep me company?

Chasing alternate personalities around my head

Because it’s the end of the day, isn’t it?

I hate endings

Uproarious laughter

I hate endings

Somewhere is there a place for me?

Somewhere out there

Where the melody won’t torture me anymore?

Yeah, that’s me, carrying on the family tradition of queerness that’s nowhere in my family

Something left over from a previous method of communication?

Something left in me that escapes societal bounds?

Of course

I’m very rarely sexual these days

It takes a very specific something

That awful, wonderful, wiggle that Rin was doing

And then I immediately reject it for whatever reason

It’s not worth the energy

But I would happily fit into a relationship as a cuddling creature

If you need it you can find it elsewhere, doesn’t affect me I’m not using it

Remember how he rejected that?

The wolf

Coaxed out of me a sexuality that didn’t exist

He was so determined that sex was a relationship requirement

I was so determined to get him

I suppose that means it’s just waiting for the right moment?

Somewhere deep inside me desire exists

If you walk into my life will it ignite again?

You

Could be you plural

The original you

But that would require me believing that there is more than one person for me

And, eh

It’s hard enough to believe there could even be one

All I want is someone who loves me and isn’t going to kill me

Yet that seems too difficult to accomplish

Is you and me

Me and me?

It’s just you and me now

Something

Someone other than me

I want it to be me and someone else

I could swear it should be me and someone else

Wouldn’t it be great though?

If one of us was finally happy?

It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t even be

Be real to him

Couldn’t I just feel happiness for his happiness and

I am a selfish person

Wanting it for myself

I should be content with watching it unfold

Except they won’t even tell us what it’s like

Maybe I would be fine watching

Seeing happiness

He looked so tired that time

If you could make me a promise

That he would see mostly good days

And that she would love him however he needs, whenever?

Maybe I could be content

One love

そうだね

Their perfect love story

There’s warmth here

I should be content to view it

Am I ever going to be?

良いなー

I want to experience it too

If I didn’t have this corrupted love

Uncertain heart

Purify the ✗

Good, right?

I wish I wasn’t selfish

I’m sorry I’m selfish

If I disappeared would anyone cry

Before they wanted something from me?

It’s wrong that everything just continues

It should shatter with me

たった一つ

苦しみのビーコン

Rusty voice

Does it take much running and hiding from a love that doesn’t exist?

I chose you

Wrong

Sick of meaningless love

Someone show me something real?

I have to apologise

Let me focus on you for a moment

It’s hard to focus on such a blurry thing

Someone that has changed shape in my mind

I don’t even know if you are still the same you

If you bothered to live until you met me

I guess I’m just as bad at being in your life

And life is difficult

And the only one for me would have to feel things

Not as strongly as me, I feel way too hard

But enough that my feeling doesn’t scare them

Groomed to, by society, I always picture a man

But now

Years later

I probably couldn’t handle another one

Damaged and intent on making everyone else around them as damaged as they are

The men that come to me

As time went on

And I saw all the faces that weren’t meant for me

Your image has become more and more warped

Can’t have a clear image when that clear image is wrong

Imagine, I’m actually paired with the Universe

This ring isn’t just a promise to them that was made by a scared child in an unfamiliar place searching for familiarity

I make things

But I can’t make that

Broken once

Tarnished

A promise of duality that no one recognises.

Would you recognise me?

All the little clues I leave for everyone that I’m not what I look like but no one ever notices?

I always think in ones

Even though my nature is definitely poly

A little bit of love sprinkles here and there

I want to see you

I know I want to see you because I want to see someone that sees me

Anyone

Who doesn’t immediately try to get something from me

Someone who offers me something too

交換したい

お互いに

Every conversation an exchange

You continually bring me people who demand of me

Is it worth it?

What do you get out of it?

It would be so much easier to envision someone if I knew

They were real

The focus was supposed to be you

But then it wasn’t you

どんどんそのイメージが暗くなった

誰だったっけ？

大切な人居た気がしたのに

Why do I seek?

I said I’m tired of showing something never reflected

Rather view it as the outsider I am

Just thoughts

Heh

Just communication

For the sake of it now

And if you thought I was forcing your hand you wouldn’t

But how can I seem to be anything else?

Always prying my way in

People just don’t let me

All these closed doors

How did I hold that breath in from the time he told me to take it?

Here you are to make me release it

Just a little pain

As your voice tears through my senses

And I can only loan mine to yours

Never to be new again

At the turn

Thank god for the anchor

Just as I’m about to lose my grip

So easy to be lost in you

In that you’re lost

Suddenly he’s the reminder to breathe

Passed on from one to the next

That was an interesting moment

One to the next

In that that was the order they were gone in

Pulling on the emotions tonight

Some people I will be missing forever

No matter how many revolutions

Or revolutions

See this is repetition where the two things don’t mean the same thing

Have fun decrypting

I am always looking for the key to that door

All the doors

Here I am forever crawling through windows which I don’t fit

Right artist

Wrong song

Wrong language

The supreme darkness

That fear in the longer nights that the Sun won’t come back

Abandonment complex

Some things are that simple

Abandoned more than enough times

Oh now the past has come to terrorise me

How do I dive into the future with a past like this?

Love in the darkness

I could be staring up at where the moon should be, but the moon should, in fact, not be there

I am staring up, hoping something will be there though

Feeling with your whole soul

Dangerous and stupid

Sounds like me alright

Screaming into the void that is my mind

Wishing someone would finally feel me there

Wishing I could find somewhere I belong

Saying words I don’t know

Of course you can’t

Even if it’s a lie

It’s for the best

Sleeping

Not sleeping

It doesn’t matter for me my energy is the same

Sleeping to kill time

Dreams days long

無理だね

無意味

The terrifying endlessness of these days

The terror that they will end

And this will have been all of me

Just hours and days spent

Waiting until the end shows up

The romantic wants to believe

That the dreams and the end share a meaning

But I’m not stupid

Why would that be a thing?

Hopeless child logic

That’s all it ever was

Sometimes I’m a hopeless child, but I’m also aged

I don’t think there is a place for me

Under this great expanse

Ah, yes, actual instruments

I can identify the players

It’s something new

In our mixed language

Someone who might understand my random Japanese

I may not resonate with all of it

How is it every time I turn around there’s another OK Rock album?

Busy humans

My body isn’t right

Who knows why I feel sick right now?

I at least had a song to hold on to

Waves of sickness

It’s not what I’m looking for

But that’s okay

A new sound

I so rarely find new sounds these days

Nothing worth searching for

I’m searching for the sound of true love

I don’t know

Maybe if I found it there would be a better chance of me believing in it?

More repetition

Why do they do that?

A purposeful scratch in the track

It’s definitely hard to love an idea for very long

I don’t know how other people do it

Be a fan

Ooooh

Darkside of the Sun

I like that because it’s impossible and I’ve never heard it before

I was just feeling the disappointment of another cliche line and you were like

I actually have to think about that

It doesn’t exist

Yet it must, right?

Everything casts a shadow

Is the shadow itself light?

Trapped in a shadow of light

Blinded, blind

No way to leave it

Yes, play with words

Well that one was a boring one

Blah blah blah sticks

Ah well

There are times you use them

I wonder what the point was?

All of that?

Attack of the apple

I just discovered gravity

It’s okay the attack dog is going to take care of it

Done before, but in an apple pie way

Sorry apparently apples now

His stuff is like eggs

Either it’s delicious

Or I put it in my mouth and immediately despair

But, also, an egg is a masterpiece

There’s a warmth to this

That his is missing

And I don’t know why

I’m mad that I broke it

Wouldn’t it be nice to just blindly love everything?

Crazy and bored and trying to find the right sound

I just want to scream

If the sound I’m looking for is him

I suppose I’ll be searching until my life is flashing before my eyes

And I can hear Hybrid Theory through the ears of a young child again

I don’t have many clues

Seconds of difference

It pours out so quickly

Immediately mixes with the stream

Am I going to go back to collect the few?

Or leave them where they fell in the sand?

I wish there was a name I could say

I want to apologise for being me

No wonder you’re not here, if it was me I’d be somewhere else too

Destined to me

可愛そう

I feel bad for me too because you’re awful at being where I need you to be

Stand and fight makes the Cat want to bite

It sounds like something Hermes would say to piss us off

With that grin

Their fucking face

That I have never seen

That is burned in my mind

Fuck

This fucking haunted ass writer

Hmm double entendre

But not in the sexy way

The gutter is held on by twine

Goodness

It would be nice if I didn’t fall again

But that would rely on you

And we both know your track record for being here when I need you

I’m oddly solid

Underwhelmed

When masterpieces become mundane

The words are so

Filler

Is music purely repetition now?

Some songs were repetitive

Back in the day

But, and I don’t know if it’s because the pattern is too simple, イライラする

Like this was all you could come up with?

Some several thousand words

There is an apple in the yard

Carried by creatures from the neighbouring tree?

Over the fence

Aways

Far enough away that the wind didn’t carry it

Can you not lyricise everything?

Can you not?

Summoning yesterday’s emotions

The melody

There wasn’t even a hint of yesterday

And yet it was like yesterday repeated

I probably would have accepted this weren’t you facing such a different reality than you’ve painted

Oh Linkin Park

Maybe I am ready for a new vocalist

A new sound

The emotions can be the same just

You can link to the past without telling tales from it

Maybe not

Maybe this is your message

Someone told me to try to figure out what media is trying to say

What are you trying to say?

I didn’t know I was hoping for songs about true love

There was a hint of it but it’s like you’re still hooked on the chasing and the angst part of it

You won, congratulations

Can’t you share what that feels like?

No one ever sings of love it’s always the pining after and the battle

With us lowly commoners who won’t experience it for ourselves

I might as well be writing about how I missed the wolf years ago

Man, if it was years ago, I’d be really missing the wolf right now let’s write about how I’d feel then

Instead of engaging with the very real feelings I have now

Regret and aged affection

I wish I’d known better

I don’t know how you bathe in year’s gone memories

When you’ve got true love right in front of you

At least you know you belong now

I believe that was something I wanted

I wonder how many songs start out with naming the age?

Very Owl City

No, seriously, I now keep mistaking Owl City and you

I know I’ll never be content with the musicality of anyone else’s music

You’re like a music squirrel

Twitchy and gathering sounds from everywhere

I could only dream of creating the sounds you do

I wish I could think half as creatively as you

Waiting for everything

Nothing’s coming though

Still killing time until Time kills me, just with more things to do

I wonder what One OK Rock is up to?

Taka, if I send out the want to see you again

Will you come back to Vancouver?

You’d be much cheaper to see than mister important $400 tickets over there

I kind of pity his fans

That’s a lot of money to pay someone who doe