Elucidating Questions

I’m in considerable pain right now

I think I’m having another of these weird pain attacks, now in my arm

Considerable pain

My fingers ache

It started in my shoulder and has moved down my arm

Just ache

And sharp ache at that

My fingers hurt to move

I’m partially holding the phone with my aching hand, but it’s balancing on my left thumb as I type

I think it’s starting to ebb now

It hurts like a bitch to hold my phone I’m just built of bricks when it comes to my own pain

There’s no doing anything for it

It just hurts and I am here to feel it

It hurts so fucking much though

Now it appears to be ramping up from my shoulder again

If I had someone to complain to would it be easier to bear?

So ready for someone

This pain is beyond over kill

When it’s in my fingers it’s easier to deal with

I’ve had hand pain since forever

Heh

If every person on the planet simultaneously experienced as much pain as I’m feeling right now

Would it be brushed off as easily as what I feel?

I don’t know how I put up with it

The agony

Alone

I wish I had some pain killers that would work

Now it’s all tingly when I touch it

The things I live through

Goddess of pain and indentured servitude was it?

Irony

If I’m writing my own story

A wonderful person comes into my life

Someone I can see in person

Someone for me

And then I can bear the pain

It’s better now

Kind of

A picture child for pain

Content, not happy

Don’t get them confused

And I feel more present and aware

This is good stuff

It’s still terribly lonely

There’s still no one to talk to

Many, many, devices

Keeping me sane

But how long can this maintain?

Sure enough all things lose their shiny newness

The challenging stuff is fun

Not knowing how to do stuff is fun

Couldn’t you bring me a companion?

Some gremlin to come sit in my house and inspire me to clean

There’s still no one here

Even if stretching my wings to tomorrow means that I should fly

Still waiting for someone

I know that day is not today

Some little turd is blowing up my notifications because he’s insistent on me accepting that tips are not required

And I have said

Probably three times now

I don’t care what you think tipping is

This is how I’m doing it

And he’s all like no tips are supposed to be optional

Blah blah blah

Dude

Shut up

You’re as unimportant as I am

I consider tipping to be obligatory

You don’t

Fucking fine!

If you didn’t want to hear my opinion then don’t post publically

Dude I did hear your opinion

I said, publically, I don’t care and continued on with my day

Your whiny ass has come back 5 whole times to continue to tell me your opinion

I’m sorry you’re bored

Fuck off

I asked if Uber drivers could still see their tips

And he was like they don’t need to see the tips, tips are optional

How is that answering my question, genius?

Huh?

Smart guy?

Where in your statement of your opinion of what tips are did you answer my question?

You don’t know the answer because you’re not an Uber driver, yeah?

Moron?

Okay

Chill kitty

Yes イライラ

Just bullshit

Just Internet Things UwU

But

I feel it

It doesn’t feel slightly adjacent

Why do people think that when a question is asked they should instead start discussions about the question instead of answering it?

My opinion about this question is

Fucking stop

No one asked you

That wasn’t that fucking question

I feel so actually fine right now

Didn’t sleep

Couldn’t sleep

Dreams where I suddenly remember I need a walker

I hate those

Reality leaking in to my haven

Someone was there

Besides who’s always there

It was you right?

Ugh

Curse they way they fly away

They used to stay with me

I still remember a dream from when I was tiny

I feel content

Like things might actually be okay

Heart aches

Within me

How strange

Does it produce the warmth?

Or is this from the fire around it?

Who could be out there waiting for me?

I have enough to do now

Thank you

Well that was rude

Gut punch rude

The sky is darker without Arcturus

Here’s hoping they’re all

No

Nevermind they’re going to be up all night

Ah well

Good times only

It would be nice to have someone to love

Like anybody could

Find me

何だこれ？

If only the words were true

I was wrong

Ah my music is tormenting me

Need nonsense

Or this

I’m going to miss hearing your voice

This was beautiful from her

It’ll never be the same without you, you know

Parts felt like they resonated the same

But they’ll never be the same

I hope you found that better life

What you were missing

That incomplete feeling

I’m sorry life couldn’t give it to you

I love you so much

Somewhere inside there’s still someone who sings this song

But they’re very far away

Maybe some day

I do love you so much though

I wish I didn’t

I wish I didn’t have to come running back into the arms of a band I had thought I’d “out grown”

Though, out grown was a mistake

Just

Wouldn’t it have been better if I never had to have any of these feelings

You’d be alive and I’d still just think of you as a cool singer from my childhood

Oh look it’s suddenly about you again

It’s okay

Everything can be about you for a while

I’m okay with that

There’s an owl

Sorry it wasn’t perfect to hear you right now

If tomorrow isn’t the day I’m looking for it’s okay

I have some stuff to kill time for a while

And a cool new old band to appreciate

A blast from the past that was

And I recognised him instantly

And I loved him again instantly

Who the hell am I?

So glad he’s doing well

I wonder when I wrote the poem for him

Before or after the great destruction?

Is it still there somewhere

He wasn’t interested in me

They never are

Rather no one ever is

He doesn’t recognise me

My name is different and I’m wearing contacts so

That’s not a surprise

But also no one remembers me

Managed to kick up a memory

I wanted to be more thrilled to see him

I had just been listening to people being thrilled to bump into eachother and feeling that awful

Jealous

Don’t be so freaking loud about it because it never happens to me and it hurts that other people get it

Thing feeling

It’s an awful feeling

Haven’t seen him since high school or something

Maybe some time after

Briefly

We’re strangers now

Another relationship I wanted but couldn’t have

Another relationship I would have gladly settled for friendship with but it never happened

Gone days

Never to return

What was the point?

Hey while you’re thinking of relationships you couldn’t have here’s another you forgot

Thanks I guess

People kept telling me I couldn’t know what love was because I was too young

If any of the others stepped in would I love them in an instant?

Why?

Why do I love people who don’t remember me?

Over it?

I’m apparently over nothing

Ever

It’s just not in front of me right now so my attention isn’t on it

Maybe I don’t understand love

I don’t understand why I have it

I don’t understand why it’s overflowing

What is it?

Is it a substance?

Life didn’t create it

I’m sure of that

Life may try to kill it though

At this rate

Who knows?

I wish I could know what the purpose of this meeting was

He’s the only person who has ever bought me flowers

I think it was my birthday and it was sucking because we were poor and my dad didn’t care

It probably weirded him out that I wrote a poem

Except I literally do that for everyone

Oh well

Through the halls of memories I am dragged

It was awful