Elucidating Questions

I feel so actually fine right now

Didn’t sleep

Couldn’t sleep

Dreams where I suddenly remember I need a walker

I hate those

Reality leaking in to my haven

Someone was there

Besides who’s always there

It was you right?

Ugh

Curse they way they fly away

They used to stay with me

I still remember a dream from when I was tiny

I feel content

Like things might actually be okay

Heart aches

Within me

How strange

Does it produce the warmth?

Or is this from the fire around it?

Who could be out there waiting for me?

I have enough to do now

Thank you

Well that was rude

Gut punch rude

The sky is darker without Arcturus

Here’s hoping they’re all

No

Nevermind they’re going to be up all night

Ah well

Good times only

It would be nice to have someone to love

Like anybody could

Find me

何だこれ？

If only the words were true

I was wrong

Ah my music is tormenting me

Need nonsense

Or this

I’m going to miss hearing your voice

This was beautiful from her

It’ll never be the same without you, you know

Parts felt like they resonated the same

But they’ll never be the same

I hope you found that better life

What you were missing

That incomplete feeling

I’m sorry life couldn’t give it to you

I love you so much

Somewhere inside there’s still someone who sings this song

But they’re very far away

Maybe some day

I do love you so much though

I wish I didn’t

I wish I didn’t have to come running back into the arms of a band I had thought I’d “out grown”

Though, out grown was a mistake

Just

Wouldn’t it have been better if I never had to have any of these feelings

You’d be alive and I’d still just think of you as a cool singer from my childhood

Oh look it’s suddenly about you again

It’s okay

Everything can be about you for a while

I’m okay with that

There’s an owl

Sorry it wasn’t perfect to hear you right now

If tomorrow isn’t the day I’m looking for it’s okay

I have some stuff to kill time for a while

And a cool new old band to appreciate

A blast from the past that was

And I recognised him instantly

And I loved him again instantly

Who the hell am I?

So glad he’s doing well

I wonder when I wrote the poem for him

Before or after the great destruction?

Is it still there somewhere

He wasn’t interested in me

They never are

Rather no one ever is

He doesn’t recognise me

My name is different and I’m wearing contacts so

That’s not a surprise

But also no one remembers me

Managed to kick up a memory

I wanted to be more thrilled to see him

I had just been listening to people being thrilled to bump into eachother and feeling that awful

Jealous

Don’t be so freaking loud about it because it never happens to me and it hurts that other people get it

Thing feeling

It’s an awful feeling

Haven’t seen him since high school or something

Maybe some time after

Briefly

We’re strangers now

Another relationship I wanted but couldn’t have

Another relationship I would have gladly settled for friendship with but it never happened

Gone days

Never to return

What was the point?

Hey while you’re thinking of relationships you couldn’t have here’s another you forgot

Thanks I guess

People kept telling me I couldn’t know what love was because I was too young

If any of the others stepped in would I love them in an instant?

Why?

Why do I love people who don’t remember me?

Over it?

I’m apparently over nothing

Ever

It’s just not in front of me right now so my attention isn’t on it

Maybe I don’t understand love

I don’t understand why I have it

I don’t understand why it’s overflowing

What is it?

Is it a substance?

Life didn’t create it

I’m sure of that

Life may try to kill it though

At this rate

Who knows?

I wish I could know what the purpose of this meeting was

He’s the only person who has ever bought me flowers

I think it was my birthday and it was sucking because we were poor and my dad didn’t care

It probably weirded him out that I wrote a poem

Except I literally do that for everyone

Oh well

Through the halls of memories I am dragged

It was awful

Well

Well

Linkin Park

Kyle randomly appeared today and I was feeling awful because I immediately was attracted to him again

Some 15 years later

And thinking of that poem I wrote hoping he was well

And then suddenly Linkin Park

Because my memory

And oh my god

I cried

Like

A lot

She’s beautiful, she’s amazing, her voice is hot as hell

From Zero

I laugh again

Didn’t I just write that?

Just..

Back there a bit

I don’t know

Let’s do it

They all looked so happy

It wasn’t an announcement of an announcement it was a whole concert

And Chester

I feel like I’m sitting in the Sun right now

That man is so fucking proud

That something I associate with him that I’m afraid to truly name because that would have implications

But he’s everywhere

Somehow

No don’t try to explain the mechanics of death

I doubt I’d understand

I heard him singing at times

I don’t know if they had his track playing sometimes

Or if he was just joining in

I’m proud too

To keep going after all this

Get up and say nope not today

And I wondered

Why I’m still here and he’s not

How that could possibly be

Chester is it alright if I crush on your band mate?

Well that was an interesting vibration from my phone

So yeah?

Yeah, okay

Saved by Linkin Park

Again

I need to see where this goes

She’s amazing

The fucking balls it would take to stand in that stage

One raven

My god

Yeah I didn’t believe you when you told me she was a she

Because you’re not allowed to tell me things like that, right?

Besides, what’s right? What’s wrong?

This, that, but not all the time

I’m alive

Is this what it feels like?

I just had something breathed back into me I cannot name

And this is a feeling I no longer know very well

Could tomorrow mean something?

This yesterday that means something

I feel bad for me this morning

Having forgotten about this

And he’s haunting me

But you

I know you’re okay

I miss you so much

And I don’t know what it means

I mean I challenged the author to attempt to keep me

Maybe the author is Mike

I kid, of course

I just wanted them to cheer as loud for her as they would you

Captivated

May I please see them? It was one of my dreams to see them live

I thought that dream died with Chester

She was amazing

What a fucking voice

You’re haunting me today

I can’t escape it

I’m dehydrated as fuck

And you’re torturing me

Go away

Leave me

Live your life out far away from me I never want to hear your name or see your face again

I want to be left alone here

Because I was always alone

But my mind tricked me into thinking there was hope

You’re not hope

You never were

A figment that exists

You belong there

Evermore

Leave me

Leave my thoughts

Terrorising me while I’m trying to work

There’s no good ending to these stories I’m imagining

Because I wake up from them

He held me tight last night

I remember

Desperately

No one has ever held me desperately

Just a trick in the dark

I pay him with hours spent wondering who and why he is

I’d rather think of him

But his face

I never remember his face

Stuck with you instead

How long will this happen?

How long will I have these daymares of you?

Poor sweet soul you can’t be angry

I only wish he had control over me thinking of him

He’d be long gone

I’d be free