Poetry
This is the general category of fuckery that goes on and on and doesn’t seem interested in stopping.
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What’s your favorite word?
Currently?
自ら
Mizukara
Originally thought it was spelt 水から
From water, but when I studied further the meaning became deeper than that
自ら
It’s like from that place inside you that your actions come from
From oneself, but more than that
From that well of self within
Where you bubble up
From yourself you must find your, whatever
自ら戦うとか
自ら習う
You hear it in anime a lot
It’s a word that often gets translated as “on your own”, but I’ve heard it in contexts where it would better fit to be
From yourself
Find the power within you to do the thing
It’s not an abandonment, not an “I’m not going to help you, you figure it out on your own”
But a “this is as far as I can help you, from here on out it’s up to you”
There’s a hint of belief in it
When said by someone else
I like words that are less words and now concepts
Something you have to think about to really understand the meaning
The cultural differences between languages make them that much more interesting to me
How we speak to eachother matters
How our language speaks about eachother matters
And I think most language evolved without considering that fact
But Japanese has these levels of respect within the language that indicate there is some level of understanding
When someone says “you didn’t have to say it like that” in English they mean use different words, but when someone says the same in Japanese they’re often speaking about the level of respect used to portray the sentence and many of the words stay the same.
The difference between 食え, 食べなさい, and 召し上がり下さい
Length is often relative to respectfulness
Also there are probably another 10 ways to say “eat” as an order or request, thanks language
Words are fun
Learning Japanese has been fun because every time I rewatch an anime my brain picks out new words to learn
Not as fast as an AI, but I have to say, it’s not bad for someone with a significant cognitive decline
Language assimilation
Language gathering
言葉増やし
言葉吸い込む
How fun that I can just go on in whichever language
I’ll probably have I new favourite fairly quickly
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Sometimes I yell at Google translate when I’m translating into Japanese
Don’t you dare put it in katakana!
I may have just over stepped
But you put that article there for a reason right?
You knew what I was going to do
But
But I have to
Somehow I have to keep everyone safe
Nothing is as perfect as it seems
But I’m sure he has reasons
He has reasons too
Two damaged from the mega tsunami created by your loss
In completely different ways
And I don’t know what your relationship was like
But even if it’s meaningless like everything else I had to try
Say something encouraging
I suppose my fear is unfounded
You’ve known me
You know me
And I may not know what’s right and what’s wrong
If you’re just a memory
Of what I thought you were
怒りが感じない
Learning new words
Always learning
It’s alright right?
Just another drop in the bucket
I should stop assuming my words are important
That they have any power in this world
You’re right I did wake without the night
It’s cloudy though
I want to mean something
Prove my existence
Could I ever stand as tall as you did, with so many demons watching over?
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You’d think I did something today
I’m so tired
Will I wake tomorrow the same?
Free of the night’s clutches
Yet still in the dark
The Sun can shine
And be the light that guides me
I’m still in darkness
I don’t know if I want the Sun to set or if I want it to rise
In the day I can pretend
Something could happen today
But once the darkness sets in again
It’s obvious it’s just the same old day again
The same old revolution
Thousands of miles from where we started
I’m still in the exact same place
I want to strike it
The darkness
Bite
Punch
Kick it
But it’s not an entity
Merely a promise
From me you will go, but to me you will always return
And I thought there would be a trick
That love was an answer to a missing piece so jagged
And the pain does run
Through my veins
My eyes weeping as if I’m always crying just a bit
Can’t I stop it from overflowing?
My soul which demands answers?
Demands to know why this is as it is
I can’t see the stars
Not mistaken
Gazing at the sky
I can’t get out
Of this life
Of the body
The pain may as well be my soul screaming to get out
Lock me in this mortal shell
Maybe that makes me powerless
But the words pour
My fight
Restless and angry underneath
Is this to settle it?
Crazy
Of course I’m crazy
Even the mad scientist has one guy
Who have I got?
Who wouldn’t cower away if they saw me?
Oh nevermind
Indeed
Maybe it is too late for thinking
Send me a lullaby then
Writing for no reason
That’s the opposite
I’m just an 悪霊
The disappearing blue flame
Well now I can’t take that sentence seriously anymore
Did you see that cool trick?
I hurt myself and laughed at the same time
Of course you didn’t
You didn’t see what my phone just did
You meddling spirits
You’re all I have
But you have no tact
Yes too soon
Another day is gone
This is such a long and lonely path
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How far should we go?
I don’t know
If I had a choice I’d have bailed long ago
I’m here though
Never ending dream
Except the dreams
Which end
But the day feels like a dream
Sometimes I don’t know what was and wasn’t
Is it real?
Or just another shard of my mind?
Does there have to be this endless march?
One foot in front of the other
But it’s led me here
A place without anyone
And without anyone
It’s just me
All the me’s
Us
And it might not be over for us
But it’s over for any idea of us with anyone but us
I sought connection
And found none
Seek it out and ye shall find?
Something a rich man says to make himself believe it was his seeking that bright him fortune
And a poor man says to make himself believe he just hasn’t sought hard enough
The lucky
The unlucky
She’s finicky
Silent and sinister
Some people have it
Some don’t
And, yes, it is the dice cast again and again
Your either roll well or not
I roll critical at strange times
Yes still searching this city
For someone no where to be found
Am I on the wrong planet?
Are you out there?
Do you hear me?
My heart calls
Calls to no answer
I thought someone was there
But it was just my imagination
Terrifying things imaginations
Powerful
Corrupt
No one has found me
To never forget
That the connected hand was false
And knowing it
Without forgetting
Without forgetting is hard
It’s fine
He couldn’t hear it
No one can
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What are you doing this evening?
The same thing I do every evening
Kill time
The possibility of socialisation dead for the day
I reside in the ruins of it
Surely for the some thousandth time I’ll think
Another day is gone
And look cautiously towards the me of the night
Never knowing what we’ll find there
Buried in the despair of loneliness
And I’ll try to say, it’s just a day
But the several thousand behind me
This path has no end
And the evening is just the prelude to the night where I’m staring up at the sky again
Stars or no
Up into the nothingness feeling as isolated as I am
Playing video games, eating dinner, all that stuff that happens around the evening
It’s just to make time to faster
If I get through the night
I get to see the only being that has ever held me and not let go
Even if it’s just a dream
The evening is just time
Like all the other time in my day
Time to kill
Nothing but Time on our hands, right?
All this time to give
No one to give it too
And I’ll be damned if I’m stuck for one more minute in my thoughts
Better to fill it with devices
Left to my own devices with my devices
Killing time until Time kills me
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I wish I could have a recipient
I don’t know why my love is wrong
But if just one person would let me love them
Am I just not meant to love someone?
What a cursed existence
The doves are congregating again
Why can’t I have a flock?
My mum she has her own
Everyone I know has their’s
I thought I had one for a while
Thought I was grateful
Thought I said thank you for it
When my shape didn’t fit their needs anymore I no longer had one
I know I did wrong, but I don’t think I did that wrong
I chose you, she said
I don’t think any words have come to damage me more in my life
Because it became I chose you so I can choose to not have you
That moment meant so much to me
Years later it haunts me as a memory of a fool
One misstep
One slip
And there wasn’t a way to be redeemed
Naïve
Careless
Still just a kid
Struggling with everything
I wouldn’t have abandoned me
Why am I the person I need?
Why do I have to be the one to stand beside myself?
My people
Never exist except under circumstances I can never maintain
Do you know what it’s like to constantly give everything you have, including actual money, to try to maintain connections that never stick?
Nothing sticks
I wish someone would hold my hand
Being stuck with myself is terrifying
Then again this is probably about her somehow
Not me
Nothing is ever about me
Everyone doesn’t realise they’re one misstep away from being as unimportant and invisible as I am
That I’ve been offering unconditional love to everyone all my life and they’ve all rejected it
None of the things I’ve done would have turned me away from friendships and relationships had they been done to me
Even purposely!
I’m a nitwit who’s unaware of everything I do
I’m just stupid
I have no malice
Stupid, harmless, alone
Probably the best description of me in three words.
Elucidating Questions 