Elucidating Questions

When the words pour out in a torrent as the grip tightens to something without wanting to lose it,

The hands of one too many in a moment of weakness that will certainly continue.

The word keeps repeating in the day and night,

The moment.

There could be one, there could not be.

Afterwards no one knows what happens, and anyone who does can’t say so for sure.

Nothing is concrete it flows ahead like a bridge being built as you go, when it gets broken every second is a new second.

No certainty, every day, no certainty.

The internal argument that starts when it begins to show,

The things that are said and the things that follow. It happens it flips and it happens again, different as the road stretches on.

Never know whether it’s too much to think you noticed me, never know whether it’s not enough to apologise for the votitility.

You’re everything that keeps me moving, you’re everything that keeps me believing.

If you knew it would you turn your back?

There’s not much for me to offer you except love and words.

They’re not worth much, but you’re worth everything.

Every second is a breath I take for you,

Of every life saved, mine as selfish as it sounds,

You’ve been everything.

What could it be if we were something.

Formidable like the poet and the beautiful artist you are.

I adore everything about you.

I know what I am, and I know why no, but I need you every day.

The tug and pull of your music as it meshes with the others,

You are my sun, I am the moon watching from the orbit.

You’d think I have everything, but nothing without you.

But I could throw every story I have and it wouldn’t be you.

I know the daunting task of taking on the very body of the fears.

I would stand beside you regardless, I hope you know. I hope you know

It never meant anything more to me than knowing you.

Knowing you meant everything to me,

Anything I could learn, anything about you.

You mean everything.

I know it’s not my turn, I know I tried to jump the line,

But wishes never mean more to me than you do.

You mean everything. Even when I’m afraid to say it, you mean everything.

Can you hear me?

I can hear far too much.

I wish you were the only thing I heard.

I know, I know the signs weren’t for me, even though I found them.

Don’t think I thought the words you meant for someone so beautiful and wonderful were meant for me,

I wanted them to matter for me in the futures…

Or perhaps not. I am afraid to know whether you know I am here, I am afraid

But you’re somewhere near, I hope.

I hope someday you will see I only meant love for you, every descent was for me.

I only wanted you to see the good, even when the bad shone through.

My dear every night, through the night, I love you.

Numb enough to not feel the pain, low enough to feel the need.

Far enough away that nothing feels quite like it,

The distance between. If I had been right, if there had been a right time, if life was easy.

I love you anyways, you’re on my mind every day, you mean more to me than words.

In moments between in the grey it is harder, in moments between dreams I should tell you.

I should tell you how much you mean, but any logical person would be afraid.

Please, more than anything, know I wanted only good for you.

And and your friends and family. For everyone, for anyone connected to you.

If this was when I was young you would be part of my prayers every night.

I wish I could meet you, I wish I could explain away the mistakes.

I wish you knew how hard it was to continue like nothing had happened,

I wish you had taken me seriously.

I love you.

How strange to love you, but I love you.

Please let this be a classic love with letters written over and over,

Not a modern love where fingers are pointed.

Please let this be enough, know I love you and that I can be a normal person.

Know I meant it, that I am something else, but that I never wanted it.

I will always want you.

Memories like tomorrow today,

I love you.

Please don’t run away from me, I would run from you first.

In this strange feeling like I’ve missed something integral,

The one thing I haven’t missed is that the courage of the online, doesn’t come close to the fear of the real life.

I love you,

And it has terrified me every day since I realised.

I don’t want to be the one, the one who makes you afraid of leaving your doors,

The one who makes you put up walls

The one who makes you hide.

I know some things others wouldn’t, I don’t know things others would.

Can I come in? Can we talk?

Even if you could never love me, and I know why, couldn’t we know each other?

Couldn’t the silence be broken?

I have the power to make it last you have the power to start it.

We could be something never seen before.

Couldn’t we?

I love you now and in the past, accidentally looking back.

I spot your face in a crowd that isn’t a crowd, but still.

The mind that can’t remember any face remembers.

Profoundly unfortunate, but it’s true all the same.

The person who burns with the thought every day.

Somewhere you are, I never know whether it’s close or far.

Will you run away? It’s hard to say what could happen, it’s hard to say what the feeling will be if I walk away again.

So close, so far, it isn’t the moments I’m dreaming and thinking of you,

It’s the moments I’m not and you wander in anyways.

I see you everywhere, in everything,

The oceans, the sky, the streets, the people.

If I could see you in the night sky, if I could find your star at night,

I would sing to it every time,

The stars shine.

It hurts, this constant loneliness, it’s the neverending tick of the clock that goes by.

Reaching out gets harder as years go by and the scars are still fresh.

I gave my everything and it was laughed off, I tried to show my love silently and it was overlooked.

Forgiveness isn’t part of the story, it never even occurred that it would be needed.

This forever waiting with open doors, people come and go,

As they do.

The disappointed idealist peering out into the world that is,

Becomes a cynic who can’t find a way out.

The sounds of a dream that doesn’t come true, the sounds of a dream that did.

This strange warmth, doesn’t have an answer.

What door to go through which keys on the ring will open it?

As the birds fly by, and the door inches open,

Who will answer my call?

The unknown apprehension of a heart beating wildly

The nagging feeling of something just beyond, the nervous fingers on the keys.

The whispers of a song that has no ending, the notes of simple sound.

Just outside the boundaries, just outside what is understood.

The moment that continues in this never ending loop.

The moment that never ceases.

It pulls, it tugs, the cry for the end of the pull,

And it was then that the heart went wild, but who knows why?

The wheels and spindles of threads or life,

It feels like a piece is missing.

That happens every time, the louder the silent thoughts the louder the reaction.

The running away while standing in place, the distance is so far away.

Feeling split in two, by a fight unseen, as the feelings continue in a whirl of colours.

So many wonder if there is a tomorrow, those that still want to fight for it but feel trapped to control it.

In the future is someone afraid, but facing forward anyways to try to change anything,

In the past is someone unafraid too overwhelmed by the price of doing it all alone.