Elucidating Questions

Don’t really know how to feel about it,

The words of goodbye that always follow.

Didn’t want to hear words of love, the tongue silenced.

How many times we picked ourselves up off the ground now?

Who knows how far we have to go to feel again and know what it feels like.

Flowers even bloom in the gutter, but pretending the last pain hasn’t made it further.

I close my eyes to hide the pain but it’s just someone else behind them again.

Why do we have to be enemies?

When this endless anthem of the lonely ticks on.

Cobblestone paths of silence that makes me crazy

The endless conversation with the sun.

And how to get back up every time a fall happens,

The ghosts of former selves putting back together,

Under too much pressure.

If lives could sync if only lives could sync.

Would it be too much to ask to have you stay?

Someone who would fight to be somewhere close.

When the book closed and the pages were finished, could it be something worth coming for?

Sleepless nights and waiting. The darker the night the brighter the dawn, they say,

Even when it doesn’t come,

Could I ask you to stay?

Often the thought comes that the reason no one fights is I haven’t been worth fighting for.

Fighting every day to stay, like trying to save my own life.

Don’t know why it’s such a struggle, but I struggle,

Does it mean I can’t ask you to stay?

How much I wish, I wish we could all stay.

One lone cloud below the rest, moving faster to the eye beneath it.

The image of the sleeping rock in the cloud as it moves.

It rolls and suddenly changes direction, it splits in half.

One lone cloud as the masses hang on the horizon,

In a circle of blue with the misdirection of uncertain winds.

The confusion of the wind, changing direction trying to find the right way.

Come my way, whispered by the parched earth.

Much closer than farther away,

Still looking for rain.

Used.

Every time, used for someone else.

The moment felt right but in hindsight it’s the same again, I am always used.

It turns the memories black and the thoughts grey, the feelings dripping out into nothing.

Nothing.

I never learn, I never learn.

Used.

By now I should have seen the signs and realised which life is mine and known the pieces and seen.

No matter what, no matter how hard you try, no matter,

You cannot make people love you.

You cannot open eyes that do not look.

The desperate struggle to find something to answer, the reminder that they all choose as they do.

There’s a reason, there’s a reason my chest hurts like the knives stabbed into it and the ache of a heart broken too many times

Does it turn to stone?

Frozen.

Searching for warmth in a ice cold desert.

The pain of a moment of the goodbye that lasts too long that is unwanted.

So tired of the games so tired of the continuation of something that could have been, but no one has called.

If I was a song I would be a comet in the sky.

If I was celestial I would be a nebula.

Reaching out into the cosmos as the need to want,

The never ending need.

Does it become a feeling? Could it ever?

If only there was an answer for this pull, this tug, this yanking feeling.

I miss you, I miss you, I missed you.

I wish I hadn’t missed you. I wish we’d been worth more to you.

I wish I was real to you.

A person, who through the force felt pushed below.

The person who dropped to the lowest low and no,

It isn’t a joke and no, I don’t know why, and yes,

I want to run away.

As far away as possible.

I want to run away.

There’s nothing left of this road, but I keep going down it. Keep thinking maybe, just maybe, he’ll have an epiphany and see,

Maybe he could want to be with me.

Maybe I was good enough.

But it’s only because I continue in this awful silence and I will never know if the other he was on the other end.

Every day goes by and I feel torn in half by the want of two people who brush me aside as so much dust and it hurts.

And I can’t blame them.

I thought things could be better, I thought someone would see me as I am and love me for it.

Perhaps that was the first mistake. Wanting to find a way, any way.

I burn from the inside, I yearn and I need and I want.

The whirlpool of one sided love.

There is no other who I would choose, but I am trapped in the rebound.

I love you, but it’s not enough, and I know that.

I’m not blind, I know it’s not enough.