Elucidating Questions

You signed the contract.

I did but I didn’t and you know it.

You tricked me into signing it for no reason and thus I withdrew it.

You promised.

You made me think promising would mean something to someone.

You said

You made me think I wouldn’t be harmed if I said as I was told to.

The pressure moves in it says

Would you feel free if there was no one else?

I say I’d rather die so they can live than the other way around

But, why?

Why is this happening?

Why is the time the same, why is the video what’s been happening in my head

I feel like I’m on a ride that I can’t get off of and it just gets worse and worse and worse.

Why is the picture of him and the flaming tits

Why is it like this?

What do you want from me?

Why would I stay if you’re just going to torture me for the rest of my life?

It’s laughable really.

I put out everything I could.

I tried to connect and told people I was trying to get my stories out there, but no one even read them.

I tried to connect I told people I was having a hard time, but they left me alone for weeks and months.

Soon it’ll be a year.

If everyone can live their lives without me, they obviously don’t need or want me.

It’s logical then to come to the conclusion that I don’t need to be here,

So why do they get mad and act like it’s about them?

They already don’t want me.

Do they just want me to exist in limbo so I can answer whenever they call?

Ghosts can do that too.

She smiles so pretty in pictures that don’t include us.

She still looks healthy, even though she told me she’s dying.

He still looks beautiful.

He still looks beautiful.

She would still have friends, lots of them.

She would still have family, she’d still be getting married, she would still have friends.

I’m just one little piece

No one knows.

No one cares.

And if anyone else is as alone as I am, and still makes it through,

They’re better than I ever could have been.

Tick tock.

I’m just wasting time until the method presents itself.

I loved you from first sight but it was different.

I always love people it’s just how I was it happened by accident but I

Missed you.

I wonder if you don’t love me because I’m fat.

I wonder if you don’t love me because I’m sick

Because I’m poor. Just because.

But I missed you and maybe that’s what was different. I guess I’ll never… No, it’s so cold you just dropped it in the snow.

Like a pinecone falls off a tree.

Smack.

Disappointed in myself for failing again

Not a voice around who knows how I feel or cares about why.

All I do these days is cry.

I don’t even know where to go from here.

So completely shut out from closure and understanding and support.

No one has time for me you’re not the only one.

No one wants to help me you’re not the only one.

No one cares about what happens if I’m left alone you’re not the only one.

The only one who has to suffer through it is me,

This sound of silence.

It’s not enough to breathe.

Breathing just prolongs the unwanted ruse.

I sang it back, and I got too tired to continue.

Now I’m living it.

Everything you ever wrote.

Who knows why.

I don’t care anymore,

But I don’t believe anyone will ever love me enough to notice.

And that’s just one more excuse for you to never do anything about it.

I can’t tell why you think I should hear or listen to anyone ever again

But also, I can’t hear anyone,

And I haven’t in months.

Months.

Don’t bother trying to trick me anymore.

I have no money

So you don’t love me

And you’re a fucking coward.

And you’d both rather I be all alone than happy

While I step out.

Don’t tell her she’s on vacation.

It would ruin it.

I haven’t worn these jeans because they just fucking remind me of you.

There is no someday.

There is no forever.

And I don’t care to continue this charade you people call life anymore.

I went to Japan

Did you know I was giving you up? Did you feel the notion or just realise what was happening?

Yes,

I see,

That thing you kept whispering

No one has seen the phone

You got mad because,

I put you away and started trying to see if I could have someone else

But did you know how hard it is to wait for you every day in the daylight wondering what was going on in my head to make it

Keep coming like a jump I couldn’t skip.

September was so hard

My body started quiting and I was trying to run a marathon of emotions and feelings and grief and life and school and work and I couldn’t keep up

I was struggling so badly and there was nothing I could do I just had to get through it it felt like every step would just lead to another

I needed a safe haven, but one never came

So excuse me while I slowly put you away in to my mind further and further so I would be able to maybe have something but

Why him?

Are you still mad at me?

What did I do?

Is this really how it would go if you were to express what losing me feels like you’d just take me down with you?

The case is gone.

The phone is no more.

I don’t have your heart.

I gave it away to get away from the magic I put on it.

He doesn’t want it.

Why did you become vengeance?

What did I do wrong?