Elucidating Questions

There’s no place like home when the yellow bricks to follow back run to the disaster

And the familiar sins come marching in like toy soldiers in September.

The avenues of ripped and worn bags that burn like wildfire in the push towards the big bang that started it that’s coming back around again.

And when I get back on my feet I’ll be half the man I wanted to be and follow you

Like I’ll always wait

The good is gone, the story said die, there was no ever after.

A trick but celebrity status

My dearly departed you haven’t had enough

And you take it like a whore.

And I am right beside you in your perfect porcelain, but how, how if not for you?

This means war but I just wanted you all to myself and I tried to make it perfect again

But I’m the only one who knows

And so it goes

I ran to you I

Let it get to desperate measures but it’s gone.

And the rest is forgotten.

A fevered blur of names, just a day away from saying the rest with no sound.

No one was around.

No words came anyways.

I tried to make the words fast I tried I tried I tried

But I’m a slave.

And the truth hurts so

I decided to break it.

I walk around but it’s just not the same so I’ll trade in who I’ve been

For some vertigo.

And all your alibis are perfect again.

I guess I’ll never know

How I’m supposed to get down from here.

And the story

Must.

End.

I wish I could be forgiven for being suicidal.

I wish I could be forgiven for being sad.

I wish I could be forgiven for being lonely.

I wish I could be forgiven for things I said in pain.

I wish I could be forgiven for mistakes I made in a haze I can’t remember.

I wish I could be forgiven for forgetting.

I wish I could be forgiven.

I wish

Foolishly.

I look back to February when I believed and didn’t stop believing.

I look back to January when I felt like something was about to happen and I tried to gather together the solution.

I look back to March as I cracked under the pressure all alone always alone.

You’re not alone, they assure me from the other side of a screen, as I look around and know they are lying.

I look back to April as I tried to get back up and I tried to keep believing and I believed if I do something good, maybe it would come back.

But what goes around don’t come around.

And I know you so well now I can’t even be disappointed,

Though I wonder why I’m the only person who feels like I do, I don’t care as much anymore.

It’s just watching through stone eyes,

Really?

Are you joking?

Are you trying to push me?

Because you’re all fucking pushing me and it’s so fucking easy

It’s the shock and the crushing sensation in my chest I’m so used to now I just smash my head my hand against something or claw my face and feel like

Pain deferred.

God it hurts.

I never knew love was supposed to hurt this much, I thought it was supposed to feel good.

But I don’t understand what happened.

Lost in this limbo of never quite knowing…

Never quite understanding…

If I saw you now I don’t think I would be able to breathe.

Hey, you,

You.

The one who isn’t here and I don’t know why and I miss you and every morning is harder

Because I thought I’d never have to spend another without you

今どこ?何でいつも独りにならなきゃいけないの?

It hurts…

Joshua Ramsay is a monster and his three strum alongs are no better.

Is that what you wanted to show me?

…

Why?

All you did was leave me with nothing.

Why did you do this to me?

What’s wrong with humanity?

How the hell did this happen?

The blood is running stale.

The saints we see are not made of gold, but they sure love it more than other living humans.

Irony is reason one.

Joshua : Joshua

Silence is reason two.

182.5 : 182.5

Isolation is reason three.

6 : 6

I don’t have enough energy to come up with thirteen.

All I know is that dreams are meant to be forgotten.

You don’t get what you need.

In a chalk jungle where dreams are washed away

As the odds stack higher and higher.

Looking out in to crowd after crowd of faces who don’t know me

And don’t want to.

Who do I walk up to to change how alone I am?

None of them, I’m afraid.

Balanced on a wire

Between fear

And abyssal solitude.

No one recognises me.

How many tears have I cried alone this year, huddled in spaces away hoping no one sees

As the tears turn to laughter,

I can’t believe how stupid I am.

If I wanted this then why am I crying?

But I didn’t…

I wanted so much more than this.

If this is what I need then why does it hurt so much?

This is the last step.

I’m so close.

He’s going to let me.

He’s my entire world and his world is my entire world

And I would give up everything for him

And I was ready to

And he’s going to watch as I take the final step.

I love you.

The silence responds.

Exactly.