Elucidating Questions

Me, myself, and I, we do not get along.

There’s far to much going on for us to be in that zone.

I want to free myself myself wants to be freed.

I don’t want to fight with me, but all I see is greed.

The moment that I see myself I want to look away.

If I asked me a question I only know what I would say.

Me, I’d like to be loved a while, myself needs to be heard, I keep my mouth shut,

But they see every word

That isn’t said or spoken or ends up in the box.

An outsider would think they’d enslaved our thoughts and want us to break out.

But me, myself, and I, we do not know what to do with us.

No one knows me, myself is invisible, and I am filled with doubt.

How to get out of the box, when closing myself in,

But if it is invisible,

What is it to them?

Beyond our gates is the world our gates into the world

But who is it you’re speaking to, it’s hard not to pretend,

That I don’t say what I’m thinking, unless I’m trying to relate.

That even with me right beside myself I’d still insist

That I’m okay.

I run away.

While all along the music plays because it’s all we’ve agreed on but lately

I hear myself wonder if the music hates me.

Listening makes me nervous, it makes me feel like I’m going wrong.

It doesn’t make me feel good it just makes me feel so alone all along.

I wonder if it’s because I hate myself or if myself hates me.

Sometimes we ask us why,

For no specific reason

Many reasons

So many reasons

Sometimes they ask us

Why don’t you give yourself a try

And I don’t know,

And I look at myself and think

If they don’t like me, and I don’t like myself

But they insist they love me, but I don’t know if it’s possible to show me

Without me forgetting when I throw myself into the deep end again by

Feeling something too much or trying too hard and

Needing to tear me apart when it gets too hard

There’s just no getting along.

We’ve spent so long together,

That even though we’re all convinced loving yourself is essential

I just can’t find the time to love me, and I can’t be bothered with myself.

I keep losing myself and then wondering if I care and when I do care

It’s not like I’ve got anywhere to put all the baggage I bring with myself.

And if the problem was me all along,

I’d rather just scream at myself

It’s impossible to find me, I’ve looked.

I can’t seem to get a straight answer out of myself

And it knows where we hide.

Do you see what I do?

I feel like I go nowhere but I’m traveling thousands of kilometers an hour.

I feel like I’m going but if I think of how the spin works I don’t know if I’m coming or going.

It’s a lot to take in

Not in vain.

What happened again?

There’s a fight and the night is moving around me I’m not moving but I’m moving but I don’t feel like I’m moving

Do you see or hear or feel me?

A twinge who knows.

It’s too early in the morning.

Or late in the morning.

Don’t know why they’re fighting, I’m sure it feels important to them.

I hope it’s better sooner than later.

Even the air is perfectly contained in it

This bubble in space.

With a rock inside.

Suspended in place by what and why?

But we aren’t suspended we’re moving but are we moving or flying or falling?

If we are moving where to and why if we are flying the same but where from and if we are falling,

Where is the bottom?

But there are still people awake they seem like they enjoy their conversation they walk by

It just doesn’t seem to end that’s all when I press farther than farther there is a boundary but it doesn’t seem

Solid

Like the boundary between air and water.

I simply don’t possess the means to breach it that’s okay I suppose I don’t need to go much further after all the holes

Simply jumping within them can have no bliss because I can’t imagine

What’s on the other side of this so I wonder

But it’s very far away do you feel it pull you when you look it’s way

We haven’t traveled that far it’s under foot or above head my hearing

In this spot goes dead does it hear

Does it think?

As it consumes

Where do they go are they positive or negative?

So many questions but it doesn’t reply and when I look up

My eye is drawn back to the one I often missed

He was gone in winter and in summer I missed him.

From the rings of Saturn.

On a rock too warm and too cold at the same time.

If I could say anything to you now,

It would be that I love you.

And I’m sorry.

I didn’t ever do anything or say anything with the intent of hurting you or harming you I

Am sorry.

I wish I could explain everything

Or start over

Or know when or if… If it even started.

Or…

I at least know you have someone to hold on to should your nights grow long

Or the hours start aching past.

And most of all I just want you to feel loved because of all the people who love you.

I’m just one more.

I’m sorry I can’t promise I won’t be drunk or desperate again

I’m sorry I can’t promise the silence won’t get to me again.

I’m sorry because I know you were fine before I showed up.

And while I miss you every day,

If I stop being selfish for five seconds I’m just happy you’re alive and healthy and

Regardless of my own pain or missing someone I’ve never met or falling in love with just your voice and the soul portrayed by it

I wish I’d been satisfied with that.

It just happens.

I could ask how many second chances he wants but he doesn’t know I give them to him and he probably wishes

I’d stop.

After all I don’t give people second chances because they deserve them

I give people second chances because I’m not good enough to find anyone else.

I take what I get and his unfortunate fate is he’s all I have.

Sadly.

I don’t want to infringe upon things I’m not welcome

I don’t like being present where I’m not wanted.

I don’t like being where I know people don’t want me being.

And I’m only holding so tightly to him because I have nothing else.

I gave him my heart and he pushed it away but he stayed

He’s the only one right now who has stayed who I don’t feel like

By moving here I infringe upon her space

Or her space

Or her space

I failed to express

How profoundly impacted by rejection I am

I always realise when they won’t come looking for me

And the friends I have have better friends than me.

I miss having someone close to me.

日本語聞こえるかな

来るって来るって。

だって…

アハ

あたしはいつも使ってたけど、私で良いのかな?

だって僕から私に変わると

ばれちゃう。

秘密なんだから

私と彼

光と闇

でも違うね

彼はいつも戦いそうになっちゃうから。

🐾