Elucidating Questions

いつもそこにいる皆…気づくね。

お世話になっちゃうけど…

「大丈夫って答えて欲しいでしょう?」

迷惑かけたくないから。

って

言うったらちょっと違うね。

心配させたくない。

なら、

ここの皆心配かけたいって言うか

僕の事気をつくついに心配するのは誰

って知りたい。

日本にそんな事無口でも分かる…

何でだろう?

赤ちゃんが遊んでる。

Pet names.

And “it’s coming”.

That whatever it is.

Long car alarm.

The tree shakes, and how interesting.

Far beyond too far beyond too tired

Up all night all night

Seriously that song just disappeared.

I forgot

And it happened

By the ocean

“You need cake”

“Happy birthday”

By the ocean

It was so loud I started dance…walk…that thing.

And then we laughed really hard but

There’s no proof or anything.

Being looked at like a girl makes me feel so uncomfortable but it’s just cloth

I don’t understand why it can only fit one type of chromosome it

It’s just cloth,

The thread doesn’t care.

And why should you I didn’t say you had to wear it

Also a mom would want to dress her cute little babies up in all sorts of things

Mothers act in mysterious ways.

But how did I get here without ever…

Understanding why?

I just did as I was told and when I asked why the answer was

“Because”

I’m sorry I thought we were all adults in this world so we don’t use parental bullshit

Because

Why?

And if there is no scientific explanation to back it up,

Who did it?

That long dead human

Must feel

Incredibly

Stupid.

It feels like the physical pain I feel isn’t pain I feel it’s pain felt at me.

Every twinge every ache every stab every pulse every

Burn

It doesn’t feel like I burn in the sun it feels like the sun tells me his pain and I feel it for days

If I did it to myself it’s not the same

But this pain, but this pain.

I don’t know if it’s the reverberation of the screaming as it happened or the screaming at me for doing it while

Hurting

I feel so disconnected from me that I don’t even know if it’s pain I cause or pain I caused or

Trying so hard not to hurt anyone I need to know how I could have caused enough pain to deserve

This but

I saw the little things

The echo of actions.

How you sat beside me and said

Well you could have taken it

And then laughed.

Because you know me too well.

You know no one had to know what I did for me to see it in retrospect and regret

It.

Do you have questions when you

Read (past tense it’s read) it?

Backwards or forwards?

No.

Yes.

Can I share your burden?

You keep trying to take so much of mine.

Dear you, I made it through the night.

I wonder if you care,

In the moment the warmth from the sun twinges fades out

Suddenly warmer.

I wouldn’t have invaded anyways.

Watching the stars and the lights from a bench, log, the beach, the shoreline.

I don’t want anyone to think I would be there to try to invade

I just wanted to be free for a moment.

Part of me wishes I could live there

It’s beautiful.

I wake the dead wherever I go.

With a whisper and a

Kiss good morning and good night.

She blinked out of sight.

Wondering who would get the joke,

Peace to the warrior.

Silent surprise and a snicker.

Who would get the joke?

This is a different place,

I’ve never seen these sights before but where I go I feel

Safe.

Always okay like my safety is important to someone enough to keep me

Safe.

Perhaps not happy perhaps not sound perhaps not content

Safe.

I don’t know these sights but I do know I like it here.

There’s a shop let’s not say its name. But there it is.

Is this the world you grew up in I wonder

Shadows and sprinklers and cars going by

It’s not even tomorrow yet, but if I had I bed I would find it right now.

Irony.

I haven’t felt this tired in months.

Now that I took away the way to sleep.

But I like it here.

I’m glad I came it’s very nice I won’t say the name

It’s your name not mine to say besides

I’m just visiting anyway

The end of a tour or a dream or whatever it is

I liked the swing on the beach

And I climbed a tree.

People saw the heron seeing me.

I like it here.

Perhaps I will nap when I find the ocean again.

It’s beautiful.

Does that mean you rise together?

Hello I’m lonely and feeling alone and invisible and unimportant.

Crossing a line to spend the night alone on the other side.

The sky probably looks the same from there.

Nevermind.

I still can’t stay on this box anymore it’s too much all alone all the time.

In always okay but never anything more.

Often something less.

The only thing stopping me from going is me.

The fact I’ll be alone on the other side is just part of the joke.

I’ll be back and it’ll be the same just in a different place.

Maybe someone will notice me.

Haha.

That was a joke.

I never get to be anything but

An extra.