Elucidating Questions

She sprayed perfume over the smell of her smokes

I hated that smell

Like every night I didn’t sleep as they partied down below and laughed at me

As I cried in the middle of the night.

To a new quieter place

Yet as the end ticks closer

They begin partying into the night

The strange round

The odd circle

The not quite a circle as we all drift out like wripples in a pond

Are we suspended or floating?

Is it premonition or postmonition?

The app crashes in editing.

The want to run to the night as soon as tired eyes open.

The line I always try to hide from

The path I keep trying to deviate.

As the days continue to bleed into one another and the societal day to day

Slips into some subhuman existence.

Monday

When Monday was months ago.

The week than never ends.

What day is it now? Is it though?

How many matches does it take to light fire to the ice

Where are you going

Why

Plans for the future to make it all better

Without any plans for how to make it all better

Brittle breaking bones and worn weary muscles.

Don’t know where to go or how to get there.

There was a moment I thought I could make it go away.

But the moon shone down and I knew in the light that it wouldn’t.

Just another day on the same path to ruin.

Standing just to the side and watching them.

Wanting to say

Go and come back safe

But there’s a cliff they’re all headed for

Pushed by bulldozers and oil spilling and slicking the track.

Not moving doesn’t help.

There is no machine.

Just billions walking towards a similar end.

Consuming as they go.

They don’t see the road.

They’re all looking at their phones.

Running into the darkness of every moment I’ve felt I know it doesn’t change anything

Never finding what I’m looking for only what I am without

Grateful for the chance but never knowing why

What do they want from me I can’t do anything else here

Merely a pawn doing a job.

Standing and doing as told.

What difference does it make if I’m here or not?

These things I think of,

Because I haven’t seen any proof of the importance of me.

I still wish I could come up with something that would bring someone hope,

But I haven’t done anything to give myself hope either.

Instead I just did everything to take it away from myself.

I don’t know what to do now.

I’ll keep saying it I made a mistake

But I didn’t.

It’d just one sided.

P.S.

I hate Valentine’s day and Christmas for the same reason you do.

In the dark I want to say

I’m with you

I don’t know who or where you are

But I’ve been here too

I may be here in hours I may be here in minutes

You’re not alone

I know you feel like you’re alone

But if I could be I would be there

I want to see a future where we never have to feel like this again.

Wouldn’t that be a place?

Wouldn’t it be nice?

I don’t know if that place will exist but can’t we try for tomorrow?

Whomever gets to tomorrow.

I know you feel it too, I want you to know I’m here with you.

I’m always a step beneath, I can’t ever seem to find that step up.

I’m always seen as the bad guy.

Do you feel that way too?

Life is too long, but I think we should try to take it back.

This life we live where every day is misery

Don’t you think it’s a bit fucked up?

Don’t you think it’s really fucked up?

No one should have to feel

Like the child in the basement

In Omelas.

I keep forgetting the trove of words unheard.

I find it and I just pour over,

Thinking I thought so and laughing through pain and

Am I really repairable?

Hanging in the quiet places of my mind

Are the words you say that hold falling people up.

And some days I feel the same

I want to save it

I want to break it

I want to hide from it

Why are they like this?

The same.

I’m incredibly frustrated that my words never reached.

But I hope you can see the waves of your creations,

All the people still calling your name and asking for you to stay and continue.

君の姿は僕に似ている。

Its a good song. I’ll sing it for you some time.

Not like that. I am always singing for someone.

The kind of letter that when you read it you think

How dare he know what I’m thinking before I do

All I can say is

I’m never surprised

But I always forget.

I’ve decided I don’t care,

As bad as that may be,

I’d rather stand by you and say I did it anyways

Than fall to doubts that make me so sad my heart breaks

I don’t know the truth, only what I feel.

But I believe in you,

I know you’re real.

Somewhere in that face of a scared child

Is a beautiful soul.

An old soul.

It’s the broken sense of it, it’s the seeing it all in too many pieces.

It’s beautiful.

You are too.

今日元気に生ければ良いよ。

It’d be best if you could live today with a good air (literally that’s what it means).

It can also be energy.

I send you good vibes when I have them.

Good luck my friend.