Elucidating Questions

Cooking little trees. Cooking little trees.

Watching them wilt in the heat.

Is this what it’s like? Art.

Destruction of something to make something.

Is that art?

When two become one do they cease to be two or do they continue forever in eternity with two voices.

Did it happen or will it.

Such questions don’t have answers but if it could be then does one win? Does one lose? Do they come together in perfect explosive harmony and continue their song together in a epic ending

Shut down but together from that second until the last second.

Drawn together by something unseen unknown.

Fated to crash together,

Has one ever been thrown out into nowhere and where does a centre go how do you find one moving still out and oh

When do you settle if ever forever

Where does that journey take you?

The ravens peck at the lock there’s no key there’s no key.

Blood tipped beaks plucking the feathers of a secret they cannot gain access to.

There’s no communication. No understanding. No trying to understand.

A stone whose lock cannot be turned.

The wolf creeps up on the silent one whose covered mouth releases no names no truth no lies.

Nothing.

Does he plan to strike, can it be harmonious once she has been discarded.

Destroyed.

Removed.

And there it is the one that’s a joke, but it’s not a joke, it means I’m a joke.

It must have always meant it, a lie in the sweetness, the so called innocence of a face that could tear you apart without a second thought.

She is watching, she sits by idle.

There is no way to break the lock there is. I key there is no key

No password.

No words to make it go away.

Trapped in this hellish nightmare every day. I wish I could say I’ve had enough.

I’ve had enough.

I’ve had enough of this game can it be over now can I stop hurting

The ravens are silent, the wolf doesn’t care,

And the one with the arrows just sits and stares.

Tiny I am in the bottom of this hourglass I wonder how long it pours I’ll drown.

Break the glass and stand in the hole that’s left.

What?

If I don’t know where I’m going sitting in the sand waiting doesn’t seem to help.

This is a strange new game.

I wonder if it knows what it’s doing.

Getting my attention with mean words dusted over sugar.

Pretending not to see the sugar made it louder.

Can I eat them?

Who said it had to be glass I wonder how much I actually notice sometimes.

It’s not the words that matter.

Or the order I put them in.

In dreams you’re always there in dreams you always care.

In dreams you’re within reach, but I don’t remember the specifics

I want to see your smiling face, how any light on you is beautiful.

You don’t see why it breaks me. The coincidences.

If I could be worth your time I would give you every second of mine you already own all of it

I have no control of my mind that wanders

I just woke up, already consumed and I didn’t even want to it just happened.

I miss you.

I used to think you were looking for someone like me I can’t believe I fooled myself long enough to get this far now I just wake with this gaping hole in my heart and remember

You’re so far away.

You’re always so far away.

No matter what I do or say you’re still so far away.

Get up and get out and it’s another day to waste where I’ll never hear your voice or understand.

No answer.

He didn’t give me an answer.

I’m so tired of waking in tears.

But you’re still not here.

I wish I could know what I did so I could apologise and make it better while screaming at the skies to listen

I don’t know what to do I don’t want to today or tomorrow

I didn’t want any of this I don’t know why this happened

I wanted to be closer now I’m farther away and I’ll never know you

I just wanted to know you I don’t know what to do anymore

I feel so worthless and useless and unimportant and like I could disappear and no one would care.

I hope that if I feel this way you feel like everyone loves you.

I hope that as I slip down down down further and I can’t get back up I’ll never remember how to do this right I’ll always wake up sobbing and start the day feeling invisible

I hope you go up higher and as I reach my hand out for help you find the hand you actually wanted so you can go home, be happy, find happiness.

I’ll be here.

Drowning in my own tears.

I find I have something to say but I’ll keep it to myself I have learnt by now that try try again doesn’t

Doesn’t work.

I tried straight to the point and that fell flat then I tried just commenting but I don’t know about that

And then I got drunk one time

Seriously don’t know why it’s bothering me so much but I genuinely like him I’d like to be friends

Not really sure how to do that again.

Drift away or learn to stay but even if I stay for what reason?

I don’t understand all of the things in the way they don’t make sense to me I just know I lost every chance to be on the same level where I may have found something I actually love to do.

I can go on forever.

I wish I still had the audacity to think I was worth trying for.

I feel so low.

I don’t know how to feel better.

I’d like to know how to feel better.

I wish I didn’t feel so guilty every time I feel better.

I don’t want to hear myself when I see him.

I love him.

He’s so beautiful.

I can almost hear him singing.

What did he want to say to the camera, such intense blue.

I love the blue.

I love that guitar I tried to draw one today and failed did you see?

No of course you didn’t.

Parallel for a reason no crossing over.

Won’t you come see me?

No…I’m sorry such a question I never should have asked.

I should have known you better than that.

I wish I could make sure you stay.

Worrying for no reason don’t mind me.

Vulnerability is not the strong suit of the man in the suit.

I felt the mask slip back into place, smack back on to my face as I thought things like

I’ll be the village whore

Sarcasm to myself because to be a whore people have to want you still.

Stop falling in love with everything you fucking slut.

That was probably my rationality back in the day when I was trying to come up with a way to get your attention and that one time it

I looked really stupid that night but I don’t remember why I felt that way or what day it was or what month

I suppose I could check, it’s there after all.

If I could remember everywhere I left a print I would go back and erase all of it for a second to say

I was lonely and you were all I had left at the time and I think I got desperate.

I don’t know.

I don’t understand why I did it.

I still don’t understand why.

Not sure if it matters but writing the fortunes of others was fine until I saw the break and I still am not over the horror of

I hope you get your drummer back

Because I wrote it,

But I don’t understand why.

Bits and pieces strings and shards nothing left whole and nothing left behind.

Things that stood out that at the time I knew something.

But why.

But why.

Why why why I don’t care if it’s rude or what the answer is you woke me up for this bullshit I need an answer

You don’t get to say it’s better to never or that there is no answer or that I will never know the reasons why because

That’s not an acceptable answer you fuckwit that’s why.

How did we get from him to you.

Not listening not listening not listening.

Give me the answer I seek or they come out again and we all know

All that shit happened so there has to be an explanation.

Figure it out.

I was well in my sleep and I could have stayed there forever just me had you just let me know once or something

A hint would have been nice now I shake in the window and stare up at the sky

Someday isn’t soon enough.

I need an answer.

Why?