Elucidating Questions

Long black snakes of water behaving like water

Shifting and splashing even when plied to keep its shape.

The learning to swing on a swing the fumbling through childhood foolishness

Trying to adopt an entire colony of baby spiders

Standing behind the eyes of a child who had no fears of today or yesterday

The short memory of bliss in childhood

There are places that never change and places that changed too much

The world shifting as I grew and changing around me

As I sat silently waiting for something

Something I’d been waiting for since I was so small I didn’t know what waiting was

So impatiently for years trying to find what I was waiting for

A whirlwind of childhood who wasn’t thinking of anyone but itself

Is that just how children are or do I feel guilt for decades old memories.

The place where the sun is merely a star in the neverending night sky and the day an unfortunate interference with the cold places of the mind

When looking up and seeing the wonder just feels like another long cold day where nothing will continue

Trying to keep the face on to ensure no one knows and when you reach your arms hurt held out waiting for a hand

Where the skies could be cloudless but the storm in your mind outshines the sun

Forgetting how to feel joy in the day

Feeling entirely all alone

Waiting for a patch of blue in the patchwork skies of a place so dark and far from where you want to be

I’ve been here so often

Can I be your light when the sun doesn’t shine?

I danced through the forests

Howled at the moon

Felt you on my face through

The moon’s sun’s light

I want to reach you

To see your face

To speak to you with words

Unmeasured

Tones unpractised

Whipped about by the currents of

In the moment with you

Please look at the moon

The warm chill of the light’s second light

If I could create you a moment of peace

It would be under the light of the full moon

Glowing over English Bay

Sitting on the swing on the beach

The water calmly lapping the shore

Gliding like a bird through the air

Even when you falter the grace is clear

The beauty of the form of a human being flying

And with such guided perfection touching down as if hands are what lifted you from the ground

In your face is a kindness and serenity I’ve never seen.

I hope you always believe in your heart that you are the beautiful being you are

Prince of the ice.

Matchbook promises and needle thin pages

The pen pierces the paper

The ink leaks into the page and spreads over an old empty space

Pouring into time the moment the paper was no longer perfect and the second the pen soaked through

Ink like tears and words unsaid

If the memories are terrible who will be near when they get me?

Birds float through the sky

But the feeling is always there

Bubbling under the paper skin

Covering up from within

Telling tales of stories of the soul

Like a silent promise

Like the ink as it dried

The paper is beautiful even once dyed.

I have been an inconsiderate person

I have been a bad person

I see and recognise the parts of me that I don’t want

I wish I could take actions back

Estranged was only supposed to apply to one person

I am still afraid of

But I have made mistakes and pushed people away and

The actions that I made didn’t speak to the person I am I did things without thinking

I wish saying I had no ill intent would erase the things I’ve done

But just as apologies it doesn’t change how others have been affected

Looking through the glass in moments when I wasn’t thinking

I think thinking too much makes me blind in other ways

Even in screaming and reaching for help

I should take the people I’m reaching to into consideration

I should always be second to the person I am speaking to

I should always remember that