Elucidating Questions

It rises up to swallow me again

The feeling of being completely insignificant

Invisible in his eyes

It feels like I’m being mocked by every word

Like it’s all just another way to tell me how badly I failed

I know I fell farther and harder than you ever did

But you’ll be the one to ride it higher than I’ll ever get

The waves will swallow me whole and you will continue to have all the love you ever knew

And I’ll still be here spilling anecdotes into the machine

Hoping one day you learn to love half as much as I love you.

It’s not a contest

No contest.

Learning that you like your own cooking.

That you are capable of not only subsisting but enjoying the sustaining subsisting.

It’s a strange thing.

Who do I tell that I like my own cooking.

How to express it without looking like I think I am best or better than someone.

The same with the voice that escapes

How to enjoy singing without it seeming that I love my own singing

How do I feel about myself in the hours that pass.

Accidentally making things that don’t taste terrible.

Perhaps I can appreciate that aspect of myself

Unlike other aspects of being alone.

If I could wrap myself in the earth and tell her all of my secrets so they disappeared into the bedrock

I would lie on her forever whispering stories she’s heard over and over

The Earth and Moon fell to eachother in a blinding crash before they became satellites

Each in turn turning

Spinning around

I want to look down on you with love and affection as you spin in time

As you rotate through time

In the swamp of my mind you’re always there

Slowly creeping in but you’re the only ever I ever wanted

Sitting on the precipice

Waiting for the day when I can watch you quietly again

In that memory I hope you feel better

In that memory it’s a tunnel vision the second I see you

The rest of the night woven together in pictures and sounds

They always see me,

I wonder why you never do.

I’m trying to reach you through the dark place but you seem to just grow ever farther

Farther away

And I sink inside to think it could be me it could be my fault if something happens

I don’t want to be the meaning behind a break

I want to be close to make sure it was all okay

I keep trying to balance this awful place but the darkness inside is just so great

I wonder if being together when the darkness weighs too much would make it better or maybe together

It wouldn’t be so dark

Our lights together could create a spark that lit

Have you found anything new or is it all just the same hurt over again

Imagine it’s an update to a story of a person I love who is always so far away

Like a letter to summarise life

I miss your call in my life.

Do you feel like you’re lost and alone?

Do you feel like there’s no one home?

This one’s for you.

Did you fight the dark alone

Felt all the words were gone

Did you get lost in the storm

This one’s for you.

When you’ve got nothing left

When you’re about to just give in

When you want to call the end

This one’s for you.

If you’re lying in the dark

Desperate to find a spark

When you’re lost and can’t be found

When you scream without a sound

This one’s for you.

In this neverending day

When you’re lost in every way

When you’re gone but you can’t say

When you know you’re not okay

This one’s for you.

This one’s for you.

This one’s for you.

This one’s for you.

Can you tell me about a time when it was so dark but you fought back and got up

Just swinging through the days until the hole was gone from your mind

When you really felt alive

Can you share with me the sound of your voice when you’ve been laughing too hard

The look on your face when something surprises you

The tilt of your head as you strike that pout you’re so proud of

Can you sit with me here in this place and tell me something I’ve never heard before I would listen to every sound

I would take in every face you make

I know it’s not like before

I know I’m not the perfect person but I

Always loved that you weren’t perfect couldn’t the places we’ve been broken fit together somehow

A homemade puzzle piece

Longing to have the chance to say how bad it was every time you came sweeping in

Longing to be recognised as that girl in the second row

And the guy who got kicked out of his house mere hours before you read his rambling

Nervous

It would be nice if it was easy

I don’t know how to tell you I’m none of the things you think I am without putting them on paper and having to face then again.