Elucidating Questions

I’m picking me apart again but they don’t see me under the red light

They don’t see me

No everything is fine let me end the circus

After all it’s all an act and afterwards no one feels anything and

I’m fine

You’re fine

They’re fine

Everyone is fine

Is that how it ends?

With everyone being fine.

That’s it and we just continue into our lives like it never happened.

Like what never happened.

Good. Exactly.

I wish I knew what I mean when I scream.

You’ll be fine.

You’re beautiful.

You’ll always be worth so much more than me.

Break me break me down and I’m broken on the floor

You take and take and never give and I can’t give anymore

I tried one way I tried both and neither

It didn’t matter and even after I can’t find one either

It’s not the same

It’ll never be the same again

If I could destroy you before you got there I would

I would stop you with my bare hands.

You’d go out and no one would know you

No one would care

It’d be over and no one would wonder

I wish it was that easy to erase what happens after this

Go back to the beginning and destroy all of it

Never let it get started

Never let it get here

Just continue in your misery and self hatred don’t try to get up

You’re ugly when you cry

My god you’re ugly and you know it

Hide your face

I hope I’m every terrible thing you think about yourself so you just fucking do it instead of fighting

All of this would be terrible to think about someone

But you’re me so I can think whatever the fuck I want to.

Hello

So far away

So far away from it.

I was wrong to try to capture you.

Does that mean anything I wonder.

What was I trying to catch?

Love and acceptance

Trying to tell everyone I love that I love them.

But it was too late.

Too early.

Too late.

It’s the same.

There’s nothing I can say to make myself seem good because I hate myself.

I can never love myself who lost myself my everything.

When it goes still I wonder why.

When it hurts I don’t but I sink there.

Why am I so bad at this.

Can you show me how to do it better so someone will love me?

Anyone.

Anybody.

I feel so lost and alone.

I don’t remember laughing.

It’s stuck on my shoulder

I don’t know, this chip.

Don’t touch it it hurts.

Don’t come near me I’m scared.

Such raw intent and clear emotion.

I want to hide and disappear in the wind

Lose all the solid and blow away.

I don’t want to be visible or seen anywhere.

I want the colours to blow away with me.

I don’t melt in the rain.

I’m not laughing.

My face feels too hot like I was crying but that was hours ago.

Out the window.

My eyes still burn from his name being burned in them.

Everything just feels empty and meaningless.

Without him I feel nothing.

It doesn’t matter it’s just me.

I agree.

I wasn’t your problem before I shouldn’t be now.

I tried so hard to not be a problem.

What was I thinking.

It’s too dark.

She’s prettier than you

She’ll always be better than you

You’ll never be anything but the loser

You thought he’d love you?

You’re fucking stupid.

You thought anyone could love you?

What a fucking laugh.

You thought you could be happy

But she’s better than you

You’re not even in the running

I hope you get hit by a fucking car.

Do you remember when this was my song?

When I laughed along because it was all so true?

Do you remember when I felt that I could fight from water?

What foolish feeling.

As you fall I’ll watch you go

This and no other belong to you

Nothing is ever for you

You foolishly believed you were worth something

When you weren’t

You’ll never be half as important as she is

You’ll never be half as beautiful or half as perfect

You’re nothing.

You will always be nothing.

You’re going to fight and fight until you try to take your last breath

And then you’ll get up again

How unfortunate.

How very unfortunate.