Elucidating Questions

It’s fine

It’s fine because no one is coming and no one is ever coming

It’s fine because I’m yours to do with as you please

And you please to put me away in the dark where I’ll never see the light

It’s fine because no matter what happens it’s the wrong person walking through the door and the bed will still be cold and I will still be cold

Until I wake up after the broken fever and everything is too hot and I’ll be too hot

It’s fine because it doesn’t matter what anyone does I’ll still be here just wanting some love

Like an orphan who already had too much

Greedy tiny hands who just want some more

Too much

How much do I have to drink to make this stop hurting and that stop moving

And me just stop

It’s fine because I always fail and no matter how hell this is I’m still here

So it’s fine

Because I can’t go anywhere

And no one is coming.

I don’t want to be alone tonight

But I’m just mad they aren’t you

I just want anyone to come and make me feel alive

But they still aren’t you

I don’t want to move on or try again or find someone else

Because they won’t be you

Don’t want to fall for anyone or get attached or believe in tomorrow together

Because they still aren’t you

I just want anyone to be by my side I don’t care

Excuse while I get vulgar

Someone to fuck me and make it leave me alone for a few days

I don’t care who

They still won’t be you

And he’s not coming

I just want someone to feel this fever with me

But they won’t be you

It’ll never be good enough or right

But I’ll take anything anyone

Please

I just don’t want to be alone

They won’t ever be right

But I keep swiping in hopes someone will take me away from it

I don’t want to fight

I don’t want the moment

I don’t want anything permanent

I just don’t want to be alone tonight

The forced grin of the black jeep as it passes

I said I can’t just say there will be ravens

There it is circling lazily above

I wonder if he can see the sun from there

The clouds are higher but maybe there’s a break

There are too many

They won’t all be on the path they belong on

Just like I fell how many others go down the hole only to come up for air

And think it’s just not worth it only to dive down again

Purple like the leaves that these trees have but the others don’t

It gives them a burnt quality.

Do I have a burnt quality from sitting too close to all the suns

Or not

Truthfully I can draw lines from these back to many others

Like they start out as threads released on metallic plastic

Then they get stitched together later

It doesn’t really matter what I realise though

Stubborn final bees too

Did I bring it to life or kill it later?

Both probably apply.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to come out of this hole without a hand up

So I just hang on the edge until I can’t hold on anymore

And then watch as they watch as I fall in again.

I don’t think time is moving I think it has stopped

Ever since that day we ran through something

I think far away screamed to warn us

But it was inevitable

I think that things move and things change and people continue

But time has stopped

I think clocks still tick I think we still revolve I think time has stopped

I think someone has to start it again

It can’t be me

We’re running out of time

Out of it

On the outside of time

I think we should go back

Let’s go back

Someone should tell men how pretty they are.

About how their perfect columnal necks attach to perfect and smooth trunks that connect to the branches of their arms

The angled curvature of their fingers

The way their bellies lead down their fronts to their beautiful

Hips, buttocks, and legs.

How they’re pretty

Like they always have such beautiful eyes and better lashes than anyone

How lips of all shapes just add the pretty to their pretty faces

Someone should remind men how beautiful and pretty they are

Even the most maned majestic lion

The most grizzled and scarred grey whale

The shortest and timid meerkat

The laziest dog

And the brightest star

Are pretty.

As the sun slips beneath I think of you I think of you

Is there anything that could carry who I am and tell you how much I love you

Could the sky bring to you letters and shapes that convey all my feelings without overwhelming

You have so many friends

So many people who love you

You’re more than I ever wanted and more than I’ll ever deserve

I love you

I love you so much that every ache every twinge every failing limb I would feel it all again with only the chance to exchange words

Hello

How are you

I’m fine

How are you

Or something so simple it wouldn’t even matter the first words to bridge the gap

Can we start from friends and find our way it all depends on you but I took all my chances away by calling you a liar and fighting with words you didn’t say

But I love you and that doesn’t change every day the same filled with this desire for something someone so much more than me

I wish I could be everything you ever wanted

You survive me only because you are so stubborn and I love your stubborn

I love your second guessing and the way there’s no right answer except you

Every day it’s you over and over I return to you

I love you

I do I promise I do if there’s anything true if anything is true it is my love for you

I know it’s not the right colour and my words are never good enough but if for just a second you could hear me

You’re so beautiful.

I’m so glad you’re not perfect I’m so glad you are who you are I’m so glad you’ve been who you have been

I miss you every day I love you

And you will always be the best part of me all the pieces I took and put in my bag and carry of your thoughts and feelings

You will always be loved by me even if you never love me I will always

Always

Always

Love you.

I love you.

I still love you.