Elucidating Questions

It’s today

You should come over

See what I did there

Haha

No, you don’t

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry because I’m not the person you wanted to love you from all of your screaming

I’m sorry because I can’t protect you with cold arms and words about things I don’t understand

I’m sorry because I’ll never be able to fill the shoes of the person you really want

I’m sorry because I wanted to find you

But I didn’t.

I’m sorry because I tried to make you feel like the wrong someone else

I’m sorry because I want you so much I can’t stay away

I’m sorry I’m nothing

I’m sorry I’m nothing

I’m so sorry that I’m nothing

Every day I hope it is the end

Just the end

The end

Every day nothing happens

And it’s unfortunate

So unfortunate

That every day the hope is burnt alive

And that the hope to live died long ago with the hope to love

They’re the same word, it just became a circle on the gravity of you

Like a whirlpool

I can’t get out of

Trapped in the spinning whirling waters

There’s a wish that never disappears

But at least I know where you are and that you’re looking at the same sky

That your smile exists somewhere even if it’s not for me

See I love you and want you to be happy

It’s me who needs to leave this place

You match it

You’re beautiful here and you fit

Just like all the misfits

They actually fit

Just not me

I’ll never see it in myself

And I can’t ask anyone else to

So it doesn’t exist

And I’m still nothing

Just in a different place

Do you want nothing yet?

I can promise you nothing

I can promise you all the nothing you could possibly want I could be

Your absolutely nothing

Instead of being your everything

I want you

But that’s just what makes me unwantable.

I just have to get through the missing you

The missing you

I miss you every day the burning pain of missing you that consumes my entire body in the flame

Of missing you

I want you to know that you more than anyone are everything this world needs to be okay

Just be you like you do and you’ll be okay.

I wish I didn’t miss you because that would make making my way in the wrong direction hurt less

Like I’ve been bit and no matter what it pulls me back to what I can’t have I don’t know why I can’t stay away

From this feeling

Of missing you

It burns

I burn a bit for you

When I didn’t think the thought was unwanted

I burned so much for you

Why can I turn this off but not that

Chase away the thought like

He never consented

And that’s that

But I burn for you in ways I’ll never say

I burn in ways you’ll never know

Because I want you so badly every day is just filled with this empty

No want could ever stand beside the need for you

They pale in comparison

They crumble away

Lying on the stone want of desire

I wish I could believe in the day we meet

But words of wishes

They just disappear

And I want to close my eyes and go with them

All the things that disappear

I want to go with you

Please just let me go with you

I can’t play or do anything of use

I’m useless

But I burn for you every day

I’m on fire

On fire

I’m on fire

But you’re so far out of reach

And you’re the only one who can make it better.

How many licks does it take to get to the centre

But my question isn’t how many licks

It’s how many drips

How many pills

How many times do I give in to my body giving up

Before it gets back up again

All the breaking and aching and broken pieces and systems not working quite right

Burst capillaries muscles pulled by invisible string joints cracking creaking

Pop it’s in

Pop it’s out

Crunch it’s back in again.

How many times do I pat myself on the arm and say

You just need a day off

Or

You just needed some rest

Or

It’s okay that I feel so sick because it’ll be fine later

When it won’t

Sometimes ravens sound like turkeys

Why isn’t it turkies

Monkey

Pony

Damn Turks.