Elucidating Questions

I don’t know what to tell you

Do I seem stupid?

Then I’m doing it right.

You should hear the conversations the inside jokes things no one else will ever know.

I have to keep it inside myself or else someone will figure out

That I’m smart

And we can’t have that

All that crap he wrote about me being a savant

Like not quite or even close but I know I know I’m smarter than most

I end up pitying the fools

I can’t help it they can’t help it they were born that way

They didn’t choose their DNA

Just like I didn’t choose mine

Can’t blame them for being

Blame myself for being

Who needs me anyways?

Another half cocked smart ass who doesn’t have a place.

Stupid enough to not quite get that average would be below the rest but I thought they were smarter

I thought they were smarter

It’s sad to watch fools being treated like animals when they just don’t have anything to defend themselves with

Half-wits to represent against

Such a mess

Such a mess

What’s wrong with humanity?

I just don’t get it.

I could be me if they would stop shooting me with looks and sharp words or things that I didn’t do but

What can I do?

I sometimes just want to say

I’m smarter than you

But I know that’s not fair it’s like saying

I have hazel eyes and that makes me better

Some people can’t help it

Just like I can’t help stormy weather

I had a dream

That I had blue eyes

I felt like I was looking at a stranger

I was so angry I went around to tell everyone

I don’t have blue eyes I don’t have blue eyes

They’re green and brown green and brown

I don’t have blue eyes.

Unlike my mother whose eyes are grey and my sister whose eyes are blue

My brothers’ brown

My father’s were brown before time bleached them away

I am the only one with green

I don’t have blue eyes

But I did for a dream

And I was angry

Angry because in my reality

In my world

I have green eyes

And for some reason my mind when producing the lie

Got mad at itself

And I’m laughing now but how many times did I hear that line and shake my head and go

I don’t have blue eyes

Come, sit,

Beautiful owl it may hurt

You didn’t do it

My stepbrother who watched and circulated child porn

He did it

This thing I learnt about today that is close but far away

He did it

The boy who took me outside of the church and challenged me to beat him or he’d molest me more

He did it

You’re not a danger to society you’re not a deviant you’re not not not not

You’re not

I look in your face and I see that scared child who sits in a chair and tells the world he did it

But he doesn’t know why

But he did but you didn’t you

Didn’t

You’re not

Dangerous

Scary

You don’t scare me I don’t feel that strange division of the earth between me and you

I have this fucked up intuition, but it’s right when I do

Call me blind call me lost call me indoctrinated

Or whatever word you use for the hated

Owl

Jupiter

Dionysus

I dropped that one because I thought it might hurt after all this crap but come on now

You’ve got all three in you don’t you?

The electricity of you spinning whirling on a stage the wisdom that comes through in every page about the party that won’t end or the fun that won’t die

I didn’t connect you to him to blame you I tried to explain that Zeus/Jupiter was different and new in me

I didn’t know it was coming

But I had a fucking inkling

Didn’t I?

I showed my Darkside as your accidental behest

I know it’s the worst I know it’s hardly the best but

You don’t belong in a corral

You don’t belong behind bars

Who Has Seen the Wind

There was an owl in a cage kept there by a drunken monster man

The owl outside my window

The ones I’ve seen everywhere

Human justice

Is fucked

But we’re on your side

And I love you

Did I say something to hurt your pride your Highness of self deprecation?

Should I feel bad?

Meow

Not me

But it could be

Oh so much could have been but you didn’t see the grand scheme of things

And you ignored and I’m not even talking to you because I can’t

I have no way of ever knowing you

And isn’t that why it’s so perfect like this?

Twist push punch fallout and hope to die

A lie?

Your life.

Not mine I’ve been living as I am without a plan for so long here just trying to get by

And you’re so close and that’s why it’s funny because it could have worked out if you’d just given it a try but you didn’t so don’t think for a second I should have to keep my pain under wraps

Just because you have more cash in the bank and more power

Your mother is dying and the moon tells me every time I bite or scratch that what if he’s lost her and can’t handle the blow

And I say well you’ll never know and I have pain and sadness and loss too so don’t tell me you’re worth more just because you have higher numbers and platinum disks that I told you you would get

But that didn’t happen

Because you disregard us

Well don’t for a second think

I didn’t have something to say for every damn day that’s gone by where I had to stem the tide of this undertow

Oops did she steal your word and put it in her song?

It was Chester’s and Mike’s word all along

So shut your head off I don’t care about your reasons for why you’re not near and we’re here and I am locked out of life while you live it up with your dog as your wife

After nothing didn’t emerge remembering sadness

It’s just absurd

I don’t want to hear the rationalisation or the alibis or the excuses

For my sake?

Not that I’ve ever known.

Every time those words have come out of someone’s mouth it’s been selfish reasoning trying to selfishly make me out to be the one gaining when all you’re doing is cutting me off

Have you seen me recently?

The last time something was done for “my sake”

I got shut out of my so called adoptive family

Don’t give me bullshit I can smell it a mile away

And never dreaming emersive routines stubborn

Fucker

Just shut up

Justice was never done by humans as soon as it’s done the person who made justice happen needs justice done on them

State sanctioned murderers walking the streets

The seaweed came in today

The kirked walls will never contain me

Oh completely separate

I won’t dirty his dirty name with your disgusting silence and prose

He’s already a murderer and who’s to say killing more won’t make it all go away

I don’t like the incomplete justifications

You

Contradictory fool

God I wish you were here I love you

This is Sparta

Where we don’t really have a pit but for cinematic effect

And we really do just throw sick babies into a hole

This is a sun who only has one so close but so slow it’s so cold but warm enough for one

This is a galaxy that has been around for so long it is now six other galaxies a cataclysmic event severing ties

This is the hole I came out of to get here and were I’m going back

Don’t stop me I’m done here

I can’t see a logic to these stupid people

I can’t understand why another human is worth less simply because of how or where they were born

When they’re all human

But they do this to all things

Dogs?

Pitbulls, Dobermans, German Shepards before the white police men “fixed them”

Black cats

Dodo birds

Crows and vultures and ravens

This one looks different

I don’t like it

What is wrong with them what causes this sickness

Chopin don’t you fuck off now your stuttering was helping me navigate backwards

Oh fine now we’re in Japan but they’re just as fucking bad!

The Ainu the Koreans the Filipinos

The Chinese

The white people

What’s wrong with them who taught them this bullshit?

I can’t fix them they’re broken

I think you should restart this experiment

Clearly they’re not good at anything