Elucidating Questions

I wish I could escape from this.

Waking up in my body.

My body wants me to lie on the ground and never get up again.

My body wants me to stop using my hands and my legs.

I wake up and feel like

All the dreams were me awake doing things.

But if it’s not dreams it’s a blink until morning

And I feel the same

I feel the same every day

My clothes are too heavy

Things touching me hurt

I want to escape this

I’m so tired of being broken

I’m so tired

Everything hurts

I’m so tired

I wish I could sleep

The prickle of his lips electric

His imminence as he comes in the room

I never knew

The safety of his arms around me

This thumb against my cheek

Why is there no justice?

Why is there no justice?

I don’t see it

Do you?

If he did it the system he was forced to live in for almost two decades created a murderer

That’s the title isn’t it?

Well who did it?

Was it the people who put him in a cage for eighteen years just to say

Oops sorry we made

A mistake

Forgive us?

Where is the justice?

If it happened

They made it

You sit with me quiet

Listen to the rain

Leaning against the edge

Standing before the frame

I heard you coming

One

Justice

Two

My ears are ringing

Three

Jupiter

So shot through the heart

And then a whisper

I wish the truth was so easy

That humans aren’t capable

Aren’t probable

Wouldn’t do it

Recent history begs to differ

Ancient history begs us to stop

There’s something wrong with it

There has to be

Watch the conveyor belt of society

You’re good?

You’re well?

You’re able?

You’re “normal?”

Continue on the belt forward and if you stay in your lane one way one way

Fingers on my neck

Are you sick are you sad are you broken are you depressed are you not able do you follow follow along and stay still?

Are you too smart? Too dumb? Too real?

Well then, please, step off if you will

Funneled into jail cells and poverty and not living so well funneled into failure into desperation and struggle and fear

There is no solace

For those people here

Not eugenics

Not exposure

My god they’re getting older

The children

When we finally kick them

Into the inferno

He forgives me

He’s always less forgiving of the other

My brother

And he doesn’t speak to him.

They can’t be in the same place.

But it’s a secret

I love you

I’m tired

I’m frustrated

I’m sore

I don’t want him to ignore me for one day more and my gods my head is so full of so much

It’s so broken

I hate it

It really is enough.

Well I’ve got no reason and I don’t know why

I can’t get away from this hell

You say the words that come out from him

That’s how you tell

But you just don’t know me that well

Screaming

Well do you love?

Do you love?

From kindness to darkness

From hearted to heartless

Ever fore

Stuck in the pit here

Trying to breathe air

Ever torn

I just wanted to hold you

I just wanted to find home

I don’t know how I can live now

Ever wondering why

And

Do you love?

Do you love?

It’s all mixed up.

Listening to birds

Swearing up a storm

Swearing birds

You’ll know it when you hear it

Chasing after one bird flying in circles

Once

Twice

I imagine

Steve, Steve! We didn’t let you have control of the flock so we could fly around in circles!

Up and down the tree

Swearing as a truck honks

They fall quiet and then start up again

And then tens of little black dots

Take to the sky

And find somewhere else

I hear them debating in the distance

Twittering

Every day I fight against my body

To get out of bed

Weighed down by invisible ties

To the ground again

It aches I hurt I try to fight it

It fights back and I am so tired

I’m weary

You’re right

Of course you are

But I don’t know why it was his name and not yours

I sift through dreams

I pray for peace

Who would want to fight against their physical form every single day every single week?

I’m tired I cry

Trying to convince my stiff muscles

That it’s enough now I get it I won’t push to hard but

My head hurts my hands hurt

A chill creeps in

Fever goes up and down again

And I know I’m causing trouble for others but I can barely stand

And I’m sorry coming from the broken person about being broken

Almost never finds solace

In a world so unforgiving

Of defects

Defective

Return it to the shop

But this body is broken

And I’m trapped inside

My physical being from which I can never hide

I’ll get on it I have been

The things I see

It’s all funny now

Everything in a way that no one understands

He’s mine too

But he’s his own storm waiting to boil over reach out

The whisper of war has quieted down

But who knows

Who knows

Nothing almost nothing is predetermined

It’s all the choices of some human

Some human somewhere

It can be hard to see

If I’m occupying Mars

Or if he’s occupying me