Elucidating Questions

Don’t make that face at me

The land

I’m the unwanted one sitting in my room drawing pictures of all my friends getting along without me

Because I’m not who everyone wants

I’m just a broken piece

Like the reflection in a mirror on the outside

You don’t do it, will you?

Trapped in my room with no reason

Trapped in my room with no light

No passion

No nothing

Trying to find the sky but his broken pieces

And the flame afraid to be forgotten

I wish I could find what I’m looking for

But he closed the door

And I’m alone

Where did you go?

Why won’t you answer me?

I love you I do I just can’t stand you next to me

You won’t even tell me why you just keep playing the unaware

Joshua Ramsay if you still haven’t seen me by now you’re a fucking idiot do you know that?

But I know you have

I told you to go slow

You cow

That’s an endearment

I wanted you to like it

Because I can’t.

Pop music 101

I wish I had a gun

I do not find this fun

Let’s start with a new one

Unconnected unimportant

Yet the time happened

I was making a joke about time

But answered a question not related to mine but the question about what I was thinking about

Just a coincidence

Just kill me already

I can’t fucking take this anymore

And all he does it ruin me

But I wanted him so badly and it hurts and I want to forgive him

But these things keep happening

What are the chances?

What are the fucking

Chances

I added 46 to my arm yesterday

Maybe I’ll have to start doing the same

When I go out to find his name

And only find pain, guilt, and shame.

Every time I go to him

I’ll just cut out the blame.

People are dying

People are dying

All it would take is an admission that this is not how it’s supposed to be

November November

Heartless the king sits in his chair

I can’t understand it

What do they think they are protecting with eyes burnt shut?

Do they think they can make it go away with denial as our mother strikes out

Destroying in the process?

Devine and shut up in their White Castle

Safe from the world outside

Somewhere where the voice of people and the screams of the suffering

Don’t have to be heard

And yet they put him in the castle

It’s upsetting

And absurd

It has made me feel invisible

Unimportant

Unnecessary

Your silence has blanketed over every word I wrote

And made it all feel like

Every piece of my heart that I wrote down for you

Wasn’t good enough for you

Your silence has made me fill in the blanks

For 300 days.

I don’t know when if you saw me

I have to grapple with the possibility of any possibility

Your silence made me feel like I was trying to manipulate you when all I was trying to do was get your approval

Your silence took the albums I used to lean on for support because I

Have

No one

And I don’t even know why

You won’t even tell me why you won’t tell me no you won’t tell me go you won’t tell me

I will linger here I will

Going around in circles because I have no answers

I gave you everything

My secrets my shame my heart my soul my life my coping mechanisms my everything

Just trying to make you see me and it feels like not one piece of my entire life is worthy of you because you don’t even have to blink in my general direction

But you could have

Because some people are special

But I’m not

I don’t belong here.

I don’t belong here.

Well.

Those are some fire references

And talking about things burning

I don’t know do I say oops or do I just roll my eyes and say

It’s all in my head

Again

As the crows fly. And,

What was it you said earlier?

Creepy?

I think that’s how it’s supposed to feel when these things happen

But these things happen

Every

Fucking

Second

Of

My

Life

So I don’t have surprise I have eyes raised to look squarely at the problem and

The sky replies

Someone tell him to cool it because

Well now everything is on fire you liar

Wildfire

The pyre

Burning brighter and higher

In the desire of whom exactly?

J

Stop setting things on fire.

No seven elevens were harmed in the making of this film

Aries works at a Tim Hortons

Snagged on the catch twenty two

If I express how I feel about you I have to admit that I wasn’t worth your time and that

Kills me every single fucking dime that hit the floor as the diamonds explode

I’m really nothing to you

I’m really

Literally

Nothing to you and I begged you for help and you couldn’t even be bothered to grace me with telling me you couldn’t be bothered.

Maverick.

I don’t know why I’m still trying

The only one I needed

Couldn’t be bothered

And you just left me here which really does mean I’m garbage doesn’t it?

I don’t want to live…please stop making me live.

It may not be the same as what you do when you hope and pray

Someone will save you

Instead I take a breath and call the slithering wind

Fill the vapour with the thoughts of the rains of a thousand years of tears

And breathe out

And hope it reaches before they get burnt out

Mercury’s silence

Rain

Cloud

Mist

Watery

And Windy.

Because it’s all I can do.

Just like you.

Praying and hopeful

I take a breath, do as I can, and then ask for aid.