Poetry
This is the general category of fuckery that goes on and on and doesn’t seem interested in stopping.
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Really? A squiggle?
Thank you
Like you heard the thought
I just want to see him before the set
And then the clouds were burnt away
It’s a mystery.
You’re still warm even though you’re farther away.
I went to the doctor are you proud of me?
You know when the doctors tell you it’s no wonder you feel that way and all you can do is cope and I have all the coping techniques
They can’t help me
I kept hearing from every one
Try to reach out
Backfires
Do you want to marry me?
And him
Sorry he’s part of the package
I know you don’t get along
But he made you
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Knock once for yes twice for no or just burn the answer into my retinas
Let’s take over the world awfully wedded without the bliss because who can kiss from eight minutes and twenty seconds away
I blow you a kiss but I think the atmosphere catches it
If I could go to space
No you see Saturn and I can’t be married
Because there’s a certain irony
In
Till death do us part
When time and death are eternal.
The middle ring is a promise that what I need will someday be him
I don’t have to worry about being faithful if I tell them I’m going to cheat on them with rocks
I disappointed him
If he walked up in this moment
I would love him
No comments on -
Crows that know me demanding treats
So I bought them some crackers and they followed me
A murder followed me
As they do
The ones who didn’t know me hanging back while the ones who do coming close and fast
Sharp memories in the pin head black eyes
Friend
Three
Food
Five
I’ll ask how many more I’d have to give,
But having them following me
I loved the feeling of it
Of having a flock even for a short minute
I had a murder around me
I loved it
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It was too much to ask for something
Anything
Let alone great
If it was even close to how I pictured it
It would be asking for too much
No jumping out at me with everything
Let alone one thing
It was too much to ask
To even be acknowledged by someone so much better than I am
I can’t keep imagining because I can’t imagine myself happy anymore
It doesn’t exist
Happiness for me
I don’t remember what it feels like
Eleven months since I pictured it
The clock will strike twelve
Without so much as a glance
I was wrong and the summer is gone
The rhythm doesn’t subside but I can’t do what they’re doing
There’s nothing left here to think
I don’t hide the words I say anymore because I have to take responsibility for my monster
Spirit of
Compassion
Bled dry
Everyone expects it from me
One person shows it always.
No one else offers it as readily as they demand it
Demande
Not surprised
When am I not about to break?
The wolf isn’t coming back Chester.
He’ll forget I exist.
Just like everyone else does when they don’t see me.
I keep trying to tell myself it’s for the best because without him this mess may have gone different
Like there’s a part of my stupid brain that thinks if I hadn’t slept with him then maybe
I wasn’t unfaithful to anyone because I wasn’t in a relationship
But if he expected it
I wish I could disappear too
Over and over again
Found it
Mike
I wish I didn’t need to wake up every day
Blood is still pouring
And pouring
And pouring
Yes I know hang on
I don’t know what to do anymore
This entire circumstance
I even said it felt like an inevitability
I knew if I said no he’d go
And he’s all I had left
Every move is fucking calculated
NEVER QUESTIONED OR DEBATED
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I imagine in a world with no life and no problems
The rain falls silently
The green things don’t whisper their life to the air as they do here
They are nowhere the world is empty
They say barren but the planet is living, breathing, water flows there is just
Nothing
Cliffs mountains oceans rivers
No life
The expanse just going on
I dreamt I was aggravating my cuts
Turns out neither of us particularly want to be here
Dream me
Day dream me
Whoever else is here
I feel all cut to pieces
And I’m not talking about the cat scratches on my arm.
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I usually cut when I’ve lost it and can’t take it anymore
A hug is just a slap to the face that doesn’t hurt
I can’t give myself a hug or slap my own face no shock factor
But I don’t want to feel anymore this awful drowning sorrow I need to get out how can I get out if I could just shock myself
So is it a fork in the wall or a knife to my arm
Morbid fascinations a railroad was drawn
And WHY came back because I don’t remember why it made sense at the time but it’s there
As punishment for crying
Because I wouldn’t ever give myself a hug
And a slap from myself
Doesn’t hurt enough
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Immediately hide in the tide of a language I don’t speak.
Just kidding broke the keyboard
I can speak it
It was fine then it’s odd now
Don’t know why but I’ll fix it somehow
But not me
Not me because the pain is too strong if I’m not intoxicated
I don’t know how long it goes down like this but every second awake is a second missed
I was having fun but in the daylight it’s like it never happened at all
And every day has the same feeling like a dream that’ll disappear I don’t feel memories when they aren’t near
So what’s the point in all of this pain if I just have to wake up into it again
Where the watches don’t work and the lights won’t quite turn on
At least there’s no pain at least people know when I’m gone
In this other place I’m forced to spend most of my time
You see they said a third of your life I want it to be the whole damn thing
Now it’s time to do what is required
Because my human body is dead and tired.
Elucidating Questions 