Elucidating Questions

You are cordially invited to stop

That’s more like it

Not that I want to hear it

Mirror reality, would you?

Time’s sadness

It’s how it baits me

Carefully chosen setlist of the DJ

How I wish it was as simple as stumbling

Now, when there’s life on the line

Yes?

Yes, what?

For whose sake do I continue on?

Well it’s not like we’re any more apart then before

There’s always that foolish me waiting

Do I remember last night?

Always so vivid

Like I’m living it

Then gone

He was there, no?

It was his concert again

Why does the artist change?

It was Linkin Park

Thank you for that insight

I don’t know the point of it

The change

I knew my mind was going to torment me

Gritted teeth?

Oh, is it you tormenting me?

I miss the Sun

Whispering things I wanted to hear with his voice

Thing

You are incorrigible

Noted lack of the voice I wanted to hear the most in this song

Love doesn’t run out

Well, I suppose some does

Love as in affection and love as in the want for that person to live comfortably and well is different I guess

For whatever reason mine just needs a spark to take flame again

I know other people are capable of running out of love

I’m often the expendable

It’s sad that songs about being there for someone bring me pain now

I can’t imagine someone coming for me in an emergency

Hearing someone is just one call away

Such a person doesn’t exist

And it’s not like I have anyone to sing it to

So it just stings bitterly for a moment and then I switch it away

It’s unfortunate

That humans maintain such awful falsities

Of being there for eachother

And friendship lasting forever

And true love

Are we this way because we wish it were so?

The evils of truth and loveか

悪があるのが正しいね

子どもに言う意味何てないけど

It may come to be that the words don’t jump out at me

Some day

But that day isn’t today

The point is, they’ll never know the answer to that question

Whether I’m a good one or a bad one

No one ever takes that chance

My life is boring right now

Devices, devices

I’m hoarding devices

And they beep and sing

And are the only one who talked to me today

Throw back

A friend who faded away really liked this band

Off into her own world

Something about me doesn’t stick to people

Who was I going to talk to today anyways?

I wish I was free

Free to meet someone who cares

But it’s so far away

Every day I move through this space much the same

How to be known?

I wish I could see

Ah but it’s pointless

And disruptive

How I wish I could take hold of his heart

But it’s far too late

It’s over

I loved him and he was supposed to notice me

Far too late for being noticed

Sheesh I’ll wrap myself around any sound these days

It’s the fault of the love

So it’s not my fault, right?

How it wanders

I wish I could sing this to someone

But of course that someone would have to speak Japanese

All along has my place somehow been somewhere I’ll never fit?

The want to go home

Satoko she said

Unmistakably, you were born here in a past life

The way my soul relaxed as I looked over Tokyo

My little chunk of it on the Shinkansen

I should have taken the money and ran, eh?

Sorry Tomorrowland

I’m stuck here

At the second to last end of the day

After all

I’d get there

And then what?

See, he’s nothing without you, and I’m just nothing

Being content with having faded away

Oh you don’t know what you’re wishing for

Once upon a time

Being gone

While still being right here

I essentially don’t exist

My connections to nothing

They’ll leave me here to myself for days

Just suffering alone

How are you?

She asks after several days

There’s a part of me that wants to ask

How do you think?

Even if my health was being fine, I’d be here alone, yeah?

For hours and days and months?

Did you know you’re Taylor Swift?

God your frenetic genre skipping

Well

It was hope I’m sure

That dastardly fellow

Hope is a fucking four letter word, contextual lyrics

Are you sure I’m not crazy? Because this ability to carry a conversation with the music which just happens to be adding to the conversation

Whatever

Stop trying to set the mood

There is no mood

I’m uncomfortable

And lost

Not exactly emotions

Hmm

Apparently struggling is reserved for teenagers

Intrusive thoughts

Now if there’s someone I do want to see

They’re who I think you are, I think

Still no name

Sorry I got stuck on the face inside

But I wish I knew the meaning of dreams

The music is not cooperating

If I had no chains

I’d be cheering you on

If I felt like there was anything left in me

Maybe I’d break them

But I’m a chain

Always holding people down

I wish I could give people wings to fly with

My eye twitch is back

Stress, usually

Can you imagine?

Being alone is stressful

The stress of not knowing when it will end this time

Not knowing if it will end

I don’t know

I don’t think I have a nice closure tonight

I’m just alone and sick of it

I’m just so lonely my brain makes up friends in my dreams

It began long ago

And there’s no end in sight

Oh no

Oh no the bad number is coming up

Well

I’m sure it’ll be fine

It’s later anyways

Man this time I added a thousand poems

No, I swear, I’m doing fine

Seriously

Just fine

How am I feeling?

Like there’s a thousand things that I can’t do

And I can’t even seem to do the things I can do right

All over the place

I feel scattered

Yet tightly wound

And I got to see Arcturus before the clouds rolled in again

Because the weather can’t make up its damn mind

But the stars now

And Saturn

I’m feeling like everything is too much

Yet I’m feeling incredibly unfulfilled

I don’t remember my dreams last night

Yet I slept all morning

Without the memory

I haven’t done anything

You cleaned your house, you might say

But that’s just something you do, right?

Was it even an action if it’s expected?

I’m not where I planned to be

I never will be

It was nothing I wanted

What I caught with my net

It just feels like machine actions

I don’t really believe much of anything anymore

Maybe there wasn’t even an ever before

Is my defiance entertaining?

I should be worthy of the things I wanted

I will not bend from that

But I can’t do anything right, can I?

Never just right

I will never create perfection

Not from my imperfect self

But

それにしても

I’m worthy of something

Better than this, anyways

I’d venture to say almost all people are

Venture to say I’d take offense to knowing someone else was living like this

Where are the sirens I wonder?

I hear them still

As they come

Still send them speed

They happen so much more often these days

It’s a strange place to be

This fine, but forgotten, place

No one would notice if I wandered off into the night

No one would see me go

And no one would look for me

Which is of course why I have animals

Or I probably would have

In search of anything

Not that I’d have found it

Like I said I can’t do anything right

I don’t like Spotify changing the versions of my music

Okay here’s something they can’t change

Good old Digimon movie soundtrack

Yeah I’ll get through it

I always do

And so far, so far, never stopping

I don’t know where I’m going

And they keep saying it’s the journey that matters, but that sucks too

Oh right this one has an obscene tail

Silence

Emptiness

Wow this goes on for a while

I knew it would change as soon as I looked at it

This song is still about you

Because I do

And you do have the most unbelievable blue eyes I’ve ever seen

Silly thing

Me

But it’s not like turning it off

Erases the time

And I know it’s pointless

But I’m always sending good energy

Whatever that means

Like hoping for good things

Oh bass

I’ll stick around for Ravi then go to bed

It’s so late

Why do I always start conversations with server people at bedtime?

What just cracked?

A fun game of was that my ear breaking for a moment, or something?

This body

If you’re going to be my superhero you’re going to have to show up

That would be the requirements for that

Just dreams

Always just dreams

Wow me from yesterday you really weren’t doing well

You set us back 100 poems!

Nah, the baton has been passed

Yesterday me and today me

I fixed it

But it took a day to fix so

There’s that

And allegedly I’m not doing much better

But I just cleaned my house

Why don’t I get to feel accomplishment?

I finish something and so often it’s just okay on to the next thing

Do you feel that way too?

I’ve always wondered how we were similar

What drew me to you

Sweat dripping

But I did it

And I can’t check my heartrate right now, but it’s probably not great

Yes, thank you, Happenstance for making me do it

But damn all I feel is drained to the core

Also I broke my own internet

Yay me

It’s fine now

I’m just dumb

It’s probably like whiplash

How I can go from being an intellectual to being a complete airhead

Is the me who wants to give love to the world and accidentally falls over at random the same as the me who writes poetry essays on why society sucks?

Who probably also falls over at random you just didn’t notice

Sometimes the brain makes up for the body

How many people have I been in my lifetime?

I feel bad for me yesterday

I hope me tomorrow feels bad for me today

They say you can’t be an empath

But the world state affects me

I’ve been suffering these many last years

The world just being in turmoil

It just feels like it’s starting to win

The pressure

Exerting myself

Even when I’m so afraid I’ll disappear

The weight of the world

It’s crushing me daily

Reality is so awful

And I don’t know why everyone is going along with it

In this garden of dreams

Anything could be possible and yet they choose this

Anything

This space is so amazing

Yet they choose to suffer

Not viewed as people by the people who run everything

And I’m incapable of anything

I just can’t seem to find a way to make a difference

Screaming into the web

I wonder if the rain fell so passionately

Because it was crying for the lost children

I shouldn’t do things right now

I’m feeling high strung

All the feelings

This headache

I just want to go to a place where I’m not affected by anything

Why does the weather rule my health?

I was supposed to work today

I feel bad calling in, but it’s brutal right now

It blows my mind that I got an entire tattoo and it felt like nothing

And right now I’m in so much pain

And my ears are ringing

And I feel so vague

Like if I wasn’t solid I’d just dissipate into the air

I feel so trapped and stuck

I feel so useless and weak

My head feels full of mist

Fall is finally here and I have been bulldozed by the season changing

Yet again

God they should use me as the official season change announcer

I wish I had more in me

I don’t want to feel like this and call in sick and not get what little money I make

I feel so stuck

If I forget to do something

It’s only because my brain isn’t recording memory today

Yet another day to fade away

Alone is a terrible place to be right now

But if I admit I need help

Who am I going to call?

No one quite understands what a feat me surviving this far has been

But I feel like I’m losing

I feel like I’m losing this fight to just keep going

There’s no one to catch me if I can’t go on anymore

I’ll never know what it was like to be supported by someone

Not completely

Fight

I just have to

God I hate that I’m not well enough to do my job

Or anything but my job

I’m lost here

And the only one who’s going to find me is me

And I’m not strong enough to carry myself

It’s it just really messed up living life while knowing others are in a war zone?

I can’t do anything

But it still feels like I should

But war is not a game of men anymore

It is a game of machines and pawns in the shape of men

Shadows who have been brainwashed into believing they are superior

That those they mow down are less than

That have no standing

Even if they came out of their machines

Reasoning with them would be pointless

The possibility of words being carried into the battlefield instead of arms

It’s dead in present war

Can’t talk to the lord on the other side

Most aren’t even close enough to see the humanity in their victims’ faces

Battle is not a personal affair

It is impersonal

Some rich man somewhere else pulling the strings

Well out of harm’s way

The pawns on the battlefield don’t even know who he is

The machines feel nothing as they sail through the sky to destroy

Everything

To the rich man

Is automated

Automated war

Are these people you fire at?

Are they only people when the West stops calling them aggressors?

The children on the street?

It’s this feeling of I would trade anything to make people see the humanity in every person they meet

But it wouldn’t matter now, would it?

Men and women

Who believe they are firing at human targets

It’s a fun exercise

The inhumanity of war is ignored, time and again, in favour of constantly building more and worse death machines

No one ever considered there was a point we should stop

All because someone else might find the worse thing first

So we have to find it first

So excited to destroy other humans

You’d think we would have a problem with humans who eagerly destroy other humans

But no

We give them funding

It’s only serial killer behaviour if it’s at our own people, or current allies

And everyone just watched as their countries built as much potential destruction as possible

Funneling funding that should have gone into government social programs

Into communities

Instead we used it up on death

I don’t know why it doesn’t hurt other people to know this

Our countries weren’t just funding our own death machines, they were funding others

So now our countries can efficiently kill eachother

And us

But they can’t keep their people from starving on the street

It’s madness

Why is this the perfected method of humanity’s survival?

Jesus was like you guys should love eachother and so his followers went around genociding absolutely everyone they could get their hands on

And then they grew up to fund the war machines of other places

And I’m pretty sure “thou shalt not kill” is a commandment

But, no, this.

This world is so different than what you would expect from a populace whose predominantly main man told them to love eachother and care for eachother

And fuck banks

Is it not just a bit… Disappointing?

That saying that the kids made up

“I understood the assignment”

Dude, they did not

They did not understand the assignment