Elucidating Questions

How dare you

Stop touching me

I said

If I kill myself now I won’t get dinner

You could live for dinner

I only want corn

Then live for corn

Live for corn? Are you fucking stupid?

It’s the only reason you have

I can’t sit down

Now she’s all excited about Tuesday but I don’t want Tuesday

Yuzu would have been worth it

I woke up at three after having spent the entire night awake

And vomiting into my toilet from 3:00am-9:00am

Yesterday I ate

A bread and four waffles

Someone will remember that

I shake but I want to go back to watching the blood drip down the sink

Slow flow into the ocean

Does she taste the dying ironic essence

Don’t give up

You’ll see the light

Chester

I know you’re mad I lied and I please just don’t scream at me again

Do you though?

One light goes out in the sky and you do

Right?

Watching the blood drain into the sink was the most interesting thing that happened this month

My chest is tight

But it was bubbles one time and the way it meets water but not quite

Not oil and water

Blood and water

There’s blood in the water.

You got me to bandage it but it’s bleeding through and I’m so tired so tired so so tired

What comes after today?

Just

Just answer me that much

I’m stuck with you you insist you are Chester

Who knows you could have just liked that name I don’t know but you sure act like him

But

So there’s you

And me

And that’s all there will ever be?

He goes

My ear explodes

He

Why are you doing this to me?

Why would he ever ever hurt himself over me

No one ever has

No one ever has stop scaring me with the thoughts of the

Fallout fallout hahaha

Geddit?

It’s still bleeding into my shirt.

The mermaid wants to go with the doctor.

I just want to go.

If I live

It’s attempt 10? 15?

30?

And how do I keep going like this?

Now that I know the way out.

I wish I could donate it.

Just walk in to a clinic and say

I would like to donate a human of blood

And they would be like

Yes.

So that at least I wasn’t just pouring important stuff another person is dying for not having right now into the drink.

I’m not dying

I’m finally choosing to love myself enough

To know

I’ve had enough

Oh Edgar

Edgar Allan

Josh

However it’s pronounced these days

Oh

You

Do you ever look at the rung above you rusted and copper worn

Do you ever look at the piping

Hollow but thick enough and connected so firmly to the cement hole

You think it’s safe

Do you ever see that it’s been shorn in such a way that

You’ll never be able to get up?

Besides above?

Do you ever look at this and say

It can’t be that ba~a~a~a~ad?

Is it a sheep or a song reference

Does that make any fucking sense to you?

You say you’re still a little/lot crazy a~all the time but that has to still rhyme

I hope I make you feel better about your self.

At least you’re not as crazy or completely fucking fucked

As me

So,

Just to summarize,

I go to the Grande Prix

(lel Ariana Grande is trending and the Grande (EN FRANÇAIS) Prix is happening lul geddit?)

I do my final essay

I do or do not make rent

Here’s to spending Christmas Eve alone.

Here’s to working Christmas Eve because we could also be working Christmas but we’re going to pretend

🎄🎅🎄🎁🎁

Or what ever.

Hohoho.

Here’s to New Year’s Eve alone

Here’s to Christmas spent wondering when it ends

Here

Is

To

New Year’s Eve coming and going

Here is to the sixth when I should have died

Rather than play this entire year’s symphonic explosions

Alone.

I knew he was right from the start.

Just so we’re clear.

See sometimes the narrator omits

Because he knew I knew he knew.

and I knew he knew I knew he knew.

He told me we were at the centre of the big bang like

I didn’t know.

No matter what I do

Nothing happens.

The wolf just goes

The mage I love just goes there’s no

I know

I used to do 😘 when I was teasing him but I meant all the kisses

He doesn’t

How is this possible?

How is this reality?

I’ve tried everything.

Nothing

Ever

Changes