Elucidating Questions

So close so far wondering where you are

How is it that the closer I am the farther I feel?

The Owl came on his own today in the form of would you stay at the rink in the cold if he could love again

Of course

Silent trenches, seven silent trenches.

Every time I see kits I think I don’t belong here I’m in no man’s land I’m in the boundary

Acadia

Acadia

Acadia

Is gone

I said

You’re always in my

Head

You’re always

In my head

And somewhere close but not close enough the one I think of is.

Is?

I love you Shoma so much so proud

And all the littles who are new to the crowd and so small but so powerful,

Such talent and grace.

Beauty in the cold,

I miss your face.

Pay no mind to the man behind the curtain I said as I pulled away the drapes and revealed the Ides of March.

No mind was made outloud.

Painfully aware of the noise inside my own head the tick tock

Ding ding ding

Jackhammering inside of my head

I wondered what they said behind the walls.

I started singing about meeting a bear a bear up there

I found Ursa Major and Minor, when I couldn’t find them in the sky.

I searched high and higher and higher into the sky for the man and his dog

A hint here a sign there

We passed no less than

Three men and their dogs

The buildings obscured my view.

Found an adventure to be had in a place unknown in a straight line one way and a straight line back.

Arrived at tired near the parc, and came back to Orpheus

I howled at the moon with a friend

Well the lack of the moon

And the sun

Howled at the bluish black thing

Seeing more adventure with less stars

I put my headphones on and go

I didn’t have my headphones but they had me anyway

Skating children skating adult children

So much talent so much grace so much

I wish I could fill them with every bit of how much I love them and it would carry them all to a golden chalice on weightless wings

Alas, a competition requires losers.

They’ll win no matter what to me.

We talked about this

I know

And if he did

That face that pause

Then he

I know

I know you know

I know you know I know you know

Hell is going to hate us

A snicker

A pause

Are we going to hell?

Outside a train goes by

We sang goodnight and danced with Sirius

‘s twin light.

Kissed Orion over my shoulder like a cheap date who knows you too well

I don’t know

The moment pauses as the world sinks in

But you were there

She’s not well either

Yes Chesnut I know.

Baby I know.

He’s rambling

My beautiful rambling man

It’s these moments I wonder if he’s real

I just

I just don’t want him to think that because I cared about him, I cared about all of them, and at the end of the day— at the end of that day I made that choice and I don’t want them to live with that, you know? It wasn’t perfect, shit happened. Fucked up shit happened. But I made that choice I made it myself and I don’t want this to be what every moment for the rest of his life is. That guilt, man, that guilt. No one needs that guilt.

It’s 11:09/11

Bang

Metal settling in a strange place.

When I stare up at the day sky and I sing

あなたは今どこで何していますか?この空の続く場所にいますか?

I wonder, could that even be possible?

When I sing it to the night

The possibilities seem endless.

It’s 11:13/15

Good night my love

Good night my dear

I know, I have no right to call you that.

But good night.

I think you hate me, but the hummingbirds keep coming.

I think you’re mad at me,

But the bald eagles keep flying

I think I’m wrong

But the crows keep murdering.

And so?

You say, softly singsong whispering.

I don’t understand

And then you are close

Hanging in the air on winged sandals and

Bitch I upgraded to winged combat boots

Of course you did

Punk Rock Prince-ess.

And so?

You say.

I have an egg in my pocket.

Yes you do.

And so?

And so I ate the eggie.

I like eggies.

Now you’re stuck because you want me to stop avoiding the question

But you still think I’m cute

Weirdo

You say

Among horsemen and generals, kings and tyrants, emperors and secret councils

They have let thousands of children die

Hundreds of thousands

Why do you have a bandage wrapped around your arm

When they sit comfortably, sleep soundly, on the bodies

Of the dead children

I think we each find our own way

In this destruction they created

I wonder where my gods have gone

Where the pagan rituals went

The ones that they looked at and painted as barbaric

And erased

They still look upon my practices as

Barbaric

Crude

They coopted Celtic religion and made it synonymous with evil

People say “Pagan”

They mean “Satanic”

There was no fucking Satan in the Celtic lands

I give thanks to the mother goddess and dance under the stars of thousands of years of experience

Life

Lighting the cosmos

And I feel it

The ridicule

We haven’t been allowed

To be given recognition.

Pagan.

Druidic.

Celtic.

They died.

Still in the homeland there are

Don’t call me a fucking Brit

Rightly so, brothers and sisters

Rightly gods damn so.

Oh but it’s everywhere

It’s in every sentence

The foul poisoned blood of the sacrifice

I get stuck here,

I’m sure you don’t

But he meant well.

If he was.

You know him, you’ve heard of him at least once today.

Not one person from here doesn’t know his name.

But they.

The phrase should not be

Absolute power corrupts absolutely

It should be

Humans who crave absolute power are corrupt, absolutely

And following, thousands of years of tears and pain.

Death.

And loss.

On the back

Of the fucking

Cross.

I imagine I see the man slowly getting up his dog at his feet

Loving companion always nearby

In the chill and seen breath

The lights shine clear

Even the day ending doesn’t change the night sky

And even the unending night doesn’t change the day inside

Wondering how it could be so simple and so complicated

Guilt for the guilty

I don’t know if I have it

I wasn’t trying to give it

What am I doing?

Why am I so terrible at it?

Sparkling away in the night unheeded by the silliness of human life

I wish I was a star at least then I would be bright and strong enough to keep those that matter.

Find things and keep them in my sphere

Little collections

So many precious little collections