Elucidating Questions

Now is it sees or seize the sun because

This one man play

I’d like to

I’d love to

Both really because I wish I could envelope myself in that warmth while seeing it

I know that never makes it right.

I know this never makes it right.

I know playing games never makes it right

I know staring at the screen never makes it right

I know walking never makes it right

I know dreaming never makes it right

I know wishing never makes it right but

In that moment bathed in warmth

I still can’t

Get to it so I guess I’m trapped here

I miss sleep

I miss night

I miss

It pulls my sleep pattern with it

The sun as it goes

Perhaps to see in the dream his face

But

Do you promise

Do you promise that no matter how unkind you’ve become

Do you promise that counting all those lives you saved who threw you out when you took

What

Twenty? One hundred?

You saved more than that,

Promise that darkness that we try to keep away from

Promise me that no matter how unkind you’ve become

You’re still you.

Because all I need is to see you.

How many more years until I see you?

I need you.

I miss you

No I know

I know it’s too soon I know I should still be happy

I know

I know I shouldn’t miss you I know this

Fucking haunted house

Like every other

I brought some with me

The tingling touch

I miss you anyways

I know I’m selfish

I miss you because when I’m alone I’m afraid to be alone

Because who knows?

Does anyone really expect me to make it through alone

And yes I’m afraid to be alone

I’m afraid I’ll lose myself entirely by myself and more of these scars will show up and even fewer people will want me and

I’m trying not to cry

But I miss you

The hours that fly by so quickly at night I drag them back and I hold them but

There’s no answer

What if we dream the same thing what if you miss me too

But no

He’s going to release an album that sounds like it’s about me you wait you wait

I don’t want to hear it too late too late

I miss you

I’m crying again

You’re still not here

I want to hear your voice.

Call me, maybe

Listen close

Venus, Jupiter and the Sun

Saturn, Earth, Mars

The sky that’s infinite, three times, then Jupiter strikes again.

You know I’ve written it down in different codes over and over.

If you love me,

Maybe you’ll know.

Swipe swipe swipe

Nothing ever comes of this

Swipe swipe swipe

I’m totally going to find what I’m looking for here

Swipe swipe swipe

The amount of people I’m not attracted to is too large I should be nicer

Swipe swipe swipe

Besides I’m fat and ugly really I should be lowering my standards

Swipe swipe swipe

I don’t see any eyes I recognise they’re all strangers

Swipe swipe swipe

I’m lonely

Someone swipe right and come keep me company tonight…

And of course I know

I’m not stupid

I know I’m going to be alone tonight

I feel so alone

Who would even want me once they know who I am?

I miss you already

You were everywhere

My dreams get more intricate

Harder to follow

But you

Oh you were there and I missed you so much

I missed holding you and waking up and knowing it was you and the way you make me feel like I’m home and I’ve found you and

There were stars

I saw Saturn

Suddenly I was a time traveling

It’s Saturn time

Every morning I wake up and I miss you

See this world got so predictable

My only dream is to be somewhere nowhere near like here

They called me a dreamer

They told me I was always wrong

They never believe me

There are people I love here

But in my heart I only believe they will leave me someday and never come back

Die before their time in my life

And then the whiplash when it happens for real

You go through so much together

You don’t agree with eachother but you have a mutual respect and love for eachother

You stand up for eachother when things go wrong

You stay together

They leave for reasons I can’t fathom.

But you stayed together through betrayal

Lying to one another

Heartache brought on by eachother

You stayed together

No moment felt truly alone

You know that

I’m selfish

But I didn’t think the world was this cold

I miss you

I want to go to where you are

I miss you

I love you

How I wonder what you are…

You said there was no way I could like it

But I dream about it

I dream about having it in my mouth

I dream about it inside me

But I dream about it sliding down my throat

I dream about sucking lazily

I dream about hip thrusts and sharp exhales and the sounds that you or he or whoever would make

I think you’re wrong.

I used to dream about it before it had even happened for the first time

My mind knew already how it felt

I often wonder why

But I sigh

Because now the dreams cause an uncomfortable awakening.

You’re the only one I’ve had and I don’t think of the dreams as being anyone but you unless they are but then

It’s always the same why do I have to dream of this I just want it to go away and let me be

I enjoyed it

I enjoy it

You were wrong but

Where does that leave me?

An empty morning

Numbed with a sigh

Because every morning

I know it’s a lie.