Elucidating Questions

Tick tick tick

At least it’s free

Tick tick tick

I guess that’s a plus

Tick tick tick

I still don’t want to be here

Tick tick tick

Every day with hope the light will find me at last

It’s doesn’t even hurt

I really want to pull it apart

It’s half past nine

I lost all control

It doesn’t matter if I need anyone

It doesn’t matter because no one is coming

And I’m always all alone

And needing you now never worked

So who cares if I don’t even like your music anymore or if I don’t have anything to hold onto thus forth

Who cares

What about love don’t you want someone to care about you

I did, I flinch as the radio takes pieces of me

What this proves is that it doesn’t matter what I want

Or need

And so

I don’t care

I wish I had died today

I wish I could die tomorrow

I wish I could be killed in some way

I’m so tired of being disappointed

They used to be

Now it’s like

You’ve been writing the same song for a decade

Get over it

Both of you

Fuck

But as home is taken while he goes back to the eighties

Yeah except there was still guitar on the radio in the eighties and none of your changes make you music, they make you noises

Great

Another heavily modified POP diddy who sounds exactly like all the others

No

I don’t like your music anymore

Are you surprised?

So excited to show us the same ten songs that have been playing on the radio for the past two decades?

Oh goody.

So excited.

Look at my excitement.

See it would be a surprise if it didn’t all sound all the same

Oh I love it because I have to or something

Sentimental fucking bullshit like I missed your voice

So too bad

I’ll listen to it get torn apart and then realise

You’re just as boring as everyone else

Sing me that song again

You know, that one I haven’t heard twenty times already this year

Oh, you can’t?

Well shit.

Congratulations on fitting in.

I wish there was a way to go back to the place that I was heading to

If there was still someone I could call home

Would I know what to do?

And all the things the little things that lead me back to him

Are all the reasons I can’t go

And no

There was no action to take

No right way to make him realise that I just wanted a home if but for one night

And the light of the moon bursting through the clouds that can’t be you

You

In searching for the dream I stepped into the dream world

Where can I go?

And he’s not you and you’re not him

Why can’t I know?

And if this dripping ink stains the pages red what could I possibly do?

Cause we’re at the end and I can’t get back to you.

It’s not like he has to or anything

If he actually wanted to see me he could do it

So I know he doesn’t want to

It’s that simple with him

I’ve seen him when he wants something from me

When he doesn’t he is not here

How much time has to pass before

I’m allowed to have more than this?

Watching silently I still felt lost without someone else

One too few

Wouldn’t it be more realistic if conversations changed as people became closer

But maybe not

Maybe if things get better I’ll think I’m better than everyone else and try to make sure no one can ever get as well off as me

Or somehow else I deserve this perpetual lack of social being filled

Pretend I’m a Sim

Oh I used to laugh when they started talking to sad clowns

Pretend I’m a Sim

My energy never goes above 50%

Comfort rarely goes above 40%

Fun sometimes goes up to 25% but then drops. Rarely goes to 100%

Doesn’t stay long

Social

Store interactions +5%

Co-worker interactions +10%

School interactions +20%

That’s in total over an entire day if they are there

Prescribed activities

Texting

Is like writing

Is like reading

I forget

Almost everything I read except for important aspects of the story line

My mind doesn’t know what’s important until it finds why it was

Retrieved from long not short

When do they convert?

I wish to be somewhere less lonely now.

The rain is pouring.

I’m talking to all these sad clowns.

I thought I heard a man crying

Just the wind just the wind carrying

Don’t you be crying now don’t be crying

Unless it hurts and you wish you could keep going but it hurts

And you know you’re going to live

And how disappointing

I see you in the background whispering while your hand lies upon under my chin with no malice

No I really just am to the point where I’m envious

If all the bad people get to die

Why don’t I?

Don’t answer.

Don’t you dare answer.

Because even if it’s true then me you me you me you and no

And no there’s nothing else here but the wish to be anywhere else but here

But I know I have no anywhere else to go

And if I have to stay here day after day year after year in this life I do not want to live that never quite gives me a reason to live it

This is a good place and I think I’m safe and I love these people who I am living under

I’m very grateful to have found this place

If this is the life I have to live I have found a place I would like to stay

I just wonder how I could have possibly made enough bad karma in the world to have everything that led up to it happen

And I’m not even behind bars and wanting to be free

Wouldn’t it just be easier to be back in jail?

Staring out the classroom windows

Following the tolling bells

I mean really

Regardless

I didn’t do well with that either so I’m just impossible and awful either way

It’s too far to run from

It’s too close to be sure

It’s how I would rather be any place but on Earth.

And then and then and then

It’s back again the demons the

I’m afraid I don’t know what to do but

Panicking

Can you hear the rain falling the wind growing to a howl

No moon or stars to save me now

So here comes the woosh that always comes

But why does it coincide with me?

Why does it always

Coincide with me

What side of the coin

Tails