Elucidating Questions

Anxiety attacks were never meant to go so low

This wasn’t a how low can you go contest

Now the do depression stands back and whistles approvingly they love each other

Fibro is twisting my bones in glee beneath my skin it burns

It feels like it but they don’t move

And I hurt and I hurt

And it’s an anxiety attack

But it won’t ever matter

Because at the ten

When you count no higher than ten

On a scale

Ten

129.

But not that scale.

Why do you go there that’s so invasive

I just wish I had somewhere to hide I’m sorry

It just wanders over there I try so hard to keep it to myself but it wanders

I wish I could keep it on a leash

Like some people

There it goes again I wish it would give me a break

My companion if by companion you mean dexterity -5 constitution -7 strength -8

Total insanity

You know

These things I actually definitely asked for and want to feel and experience because I just enjoy how sad I am and it has nothing to do with the fact that I am so sick from having to work that I quite literally have no life to live.

I never thought I’d be the person to say “I can’t work”

I thus never imagined that it wouldn’t matter

Thus I never expected my life to be like this

I’m living in literal hell.

But at least outside this hell there’s a wonderful house to live in with wonderful people for now

I am grateful

If you ever want to see hell on earth look no further than chronic disease,

This includes chronic mental health issues

Just look there it is

Why is no one

Here?

He’s all I have left

All I have left all I truly feel

Like myself with

There’s no

There’s no one to talk to I want to rip off my skin

THERE’S NO ONE TO TALK TO I WANT TO RIP OFF MY FUCKING SKIN

People who I don’t have to always hear about their best friend who isn’t fucking me

Or their lover who isn’t fucking me or someone else who THANK THE FUCKING LORD ISNT ME

I want to cut myself and I can’t fucking sleep and I don’t even have the drugs to put me to sleep and I don’t want to sleep because that means FUCKING TOMORROW IS HERE

AND I DON’T WANT ANYMORE FUCKING TOMORROWS

Get over it so that I can know it won’t hurt forever

Get over it so that I can stop feeling like I’ll feel this way in two shattered directions

What a fucking liar

He says he’ll message me when he feels better

No one ever comes back

Not really

I can pout about it and be hungry and be drunk

Or I can pout about it be exhausted but be fed and be drunk

I don’t want to talk about

I’m so tired of falling to pieces

Such exhaustion is in a silent box unheard and never seen no one ever believes me

No one has ever seen my worst day

So far away…

The purple is all knotted up in the orange and the black

Help help help

How am I to untangle this?

There’s nothing else I can do I tried everything else

It’s still tangled and the purple has been doing back flips

Even I can’t

Do enough back flips to untangle this years

Too crazy

I don’t like to be alone at night

What?

Ooooh

The angry green kid?

I’m a fucking arsonist

I know I’ll never burn or learn next

Oh there’s the tricks

Oh yes I’m always the same with drugs

Drugs are great

I can still write when I’m drugged

Oh Holy fuck I love this eighties one

Hello far away

I can hear you

Yes

Trapped within the light

We scream to eachother in the night

Even if it’s not there the compass will fix it

Screaming into the messenger

I’m going to become the one on the outside of the whirlpool and leave

You can still leave

Yes I meant it when I said I love you

Pink?

I could be you

I know you’re not really pink

Because you are illuminated by the lights in the darkness

He’s not strong enough to see you

Spinning whirling

Every year is one thousand years?

You’ll end up being Pluto no matter what how do you feel?

After all

The distance is what

Makes the heart want.

The floor she is wet

Step outside

The floor she is still wet

I thought the floor was a he!

The floor he? I think it’s he.

French!

The floor

地上

Chinese stop being so reasonable

Above the ground. How dare you be accurate.

The floor is a he

Le

Not la

Or Les

Imagine, floor being les.

Plural floor.

Or

Lesbian floors?

No no

Not the floors of Lesbos.

My mind runs too fast to be caught.

Love electrocuted the sun

So

Death wandered the earth on fire

And then

The tides rose and fell three times and lightning fell again