Elucidating Questions

I rarely speak with Neptune

When I do it’s because different name

And Saturn watches patiently as time whispers to the sun

How mechanical

When she’s louder than Saturn

So rare

Saturn is just

Magnificent

Massive

Monsterous

Neptune is

Illustrious

Iridescent

Intricate

Do you want to explain to everyone that you have rings because you wanted them?

Do I have to be the one to tag

Want

To a ball?

Can’t you all just speak to them instead of making them dig through

Everything to get the answers?

Neptune and Uranus don’t seem to care

But you with your nonexistence

I will never not be giggling like a child over that

Daddy why don’t you exist?

And he will peel in quietly with a chuckle

Run his nonexistence over my face and hair

And then we dance

Nothing lasts forever

And you’re not different but

You shouldn’t exist but you do

Humans say things like it’s true and when it’s not true they say

Shouldn’t

What they mean is

We were wrong

But you know?

I’m glad you exist even though humans think you can’t

I’m glad I can fly from star to star and come home to you

I’m glad that

That you

Love notes to my favourite

Ball?

My favourite rock is closest by

Also I still don’t know if you have a rock

I’d like to touch you

Sorry we dropped our germs on your moon.

I say

I want to go home

I don’t say the heart palpitations are bothering me

I don’t say

I just blacked out while talking to a customer and I don’t know if that black out was just me standing there staring into space,

But I don’t remember anything or remember what we’re talking about

My head hurts

My hands aren’t working

My fingers keep not working

I’m so frustrated with my body

I can smell

Everything

Hear everything

The lights are so bright

I’m unable to say all of it because

It’s a thin line between suffering and wanting to fix it

And how much guilt I feel for suffering and for imposing it on others

By being

I’m such a cry baby today

I cried because that girl got hit

I cried because the music was being mean to me

Cried about how sick I feel

Cried about dogs

I wish I could have one

Or a cat

Or anyone

Anyone?

I wish I could be surprised that no one wants me

Because then at least I’d have a justification for why it hurts so much

Even though I can’t blame anyone

How about this,

If he posts a picture of his face that isn’t an extreme emote

Then I’ll reconsider

But you can’t convince me it makes a difference

I don’t want to meet her

That lady’s numbers were

22

11

And

7.

My numbers are a fuck you for Christmas.

Denied my suicide or salvation.

Whatever that is.

I assume it’s something that sticks thing together.

Just like animals

If your son bit your kid you wouldn’t put him down

But also you wouldn’t not smack your dog on the nose when they do something they don’t like

There’s this pin, see

And it’s a unicorn with a rainbow and it says

See!

🌈🦄🏳️‍🌈

You’re in hell.

And I’m like

Yeah, I know.

Stop saying that like it’s a revelation, we got it

But if I’m being punished for doing what keeps happening

Spirits must be incredibly stupid if it takes this long for me to get it

What the hell good does conditioning me into someone who is afraid to

Start or believe in anything

Touch people

Talk to people

I’m not good at

Making or keeping friends

How do I say I’m sorry for something I can’t fix?

No I know

Nobody’s listening – 2018

Oh but he’s so cute

Poor caged owl

I don’t know why

I guess I never will

I am trying to get home

Yeah, yeah.

I wish I knew where I came from.