Elucidating Questions

Perpetual sunrise over the strait

If you thought the sunset was beautiful

Try this for a few hours

Roses entwined in the colours

It’s not hearing voices when it’s spelled in the sky

But does that include the twisting shadows and whispering reflections?

The only one who will talk to me is me

I can’t put what I feel into the thoughts you’ll understand I can’t or else it’ll spread like cancer

A new symptom

The fear of death

But we’ve been over it

I’m afraid of the nothing that follows

Falling a thousand feet per

Oh wait it’s a rock not a head

I don’t want to be with me either

But reality stays it’s spring

And it makes no sense

Looking out at the stars staring back at me

But I whisper

I wanted it to snow

Like a child who has been denied a simple want

But what else could I be in the face of Nature

And in exacting revenge on those who would do the same to her

She must include me in the masses

At least she gave me a heads up

I cast my vote it was yes

Or his vote

I’ll never understand why you had me take it to Poseidon

Why you had me walk along the beach then through the forests

I’ll never understand why

I don’t remember anything else

Call it

Conscious memory blocking if you will

Why am I a liar?

Why are you whispering that to me after I’ve spent hours crying and trying not to convince myself to cut myself

Why are you whispering that to me

Again

Oh prowling one

The shadows on the walls are moving and taking shapes I don’t know if I like

Just enough to be aware it’s happening no puppet shows here

My reflection in the window is two

One closer and the same

One farther away and slightly different

So I wave

Because I don’t know what it is but it seems to want to play

I’m not really concerned about it being evil because if it were it would try to make me be evil and I’m the judge of that

The heads will be tails

The horsemen insist that

A strange feeling from far away

Can’t do much of anything as I am

But in the dark hour

We do what we can

While We’re Young

You see it comes out

I didn’t put it there

And I’m not

We usually converse at a border

Whether it’s tradition or just your comfort

And you can’t say my name shut in silence

How could I not be lost without my guide?

It should be clear I need a translator so why are you so far away?

Of course it’s a letter in the lines from this stupid poet who can’t use real words

Working secret messages into messages that have nothing to do with me

I’m so tired of crying I just want to stop

You’re not real and between the lines is an empty space to remind me

There’s no one asking for me or my heart to speak

It’s all meaningless

You’re the monster under my bed

Haunting my head

The reminder that I’m past best and tipped into never never never

That the last interest was the only interest and it wasn’t right

There’s nothing tonight

Alone

Only only

And the monster

Reminds me I’m all alone

Reminds me I won’t find anyone

Reminds me anyone before me will be more dear

I’m past the point of finding someone who wouldn’t look at me and wish I was the ex

Or someone else

Or no one

The reminder so sharp and cold

Why I’m sitting here tonight alone

Why it won’t stop

Why the fault is my own

I’m not thinking about you

I’m just thinking about all the things we could have done

And I’m not thinking about the hole

I’m just thinking about how you used to put me back together

Before I begged you to break me

And I can’t be like you

No, I’ll never be like you

But it leaves me

Battered, broken, and bruised because all I ever wanted was you

The rose coloured sunsets and messages in clouds will never replace this hole I dug out of my own heart trying to make you see

Me

The moments in the day I find myself running away to try and staunch the bleeding heart I gave to you

But now I’m barely breathing because the oxygen is leaving and you’re

You’re not even hearing

So if I’m the one to blame

Digging my own grave

Am I guilty of what it seems or just a trick in the seams of the tapestry

And I’m not thinking of you I’m just thinking all the things you don’t say

I’m just thinking myself away

Thinking up a story where when I take the plunge you’re on the other side to catch me and I don’t end up shattering

And once upon a time it was a fantasy but now it’s shreds on the floor

Ever after seemed so tempting but I know now I’ll find it nevermore

Forget about knowing you because I don’t know myself

I’d give it away to know you

Waiting at the door for someone to be waiting for me

And I’m not thinking of you

I’m just thinking how you’re beautiful and I’d never deserve it, the beauty of you

No I’m not thinking about you

I’m not thinking about you

Forever lost within your mind

The cynical poet

Nowhere

Just for some, not others

What is happiness

If personal happiness is found from trickery,

Is it?

Miserable death.

More over

Under over under

Lost over those under

Lost lost lost

Winter wanderer on the sea

It’s not on earth

The moon with me