Elucidating Questions

Oh no

Hahaha

Oh no if my dreams played out in reality

There would be a giant banana in the ocean

Stop being ridiculous!

I yelled

It became a massive whale

Oh good god

Cars would roll over and keep driving

I can fly but none of you can bitches

Chester

Hello

Quiet meetings in the dark

Oh can you imagine

Joshua Ramsay is waiting at

¿Home?

It’s always a nice house

And can you imagine

I time things perfectly

Hold every conversation

Command the flood relief team

Oh imagine

The quakes the buildings stand up to, still terrifying

Imagine the hours and days spend journeying

Journeying

And the end of the journey

Always cuts short

Imagine

But how does it end?

Every day

Every night every second

How.

Does.

It.

End?

Nightmares disguised as

Idyllic

Beautiful landscapes

No ending no ending

I escaped the fire and ran from the house

I’m often running from the house

Imagine running

Imagine the only real remembered moments being a moment with Chester or a moment in his arms and

Every other second fleeting

It becomes too much

Fuck this

I tell

I’m changing the scene

I run

Straight to him

I can’t do this alone

I tell him

Please don’t make me do it alone

Crying as he touches my hair

Sweet words calming fallacies

But I do it alone

Saving the dying animals

Getting my siblings out

Doing something worthwhile

But there is no end

It just goes on

And no matter how I fight

There is no dawn

Because when dawn comes it comes empty and alone

I wake up

I look out

And there I am

At home

Home alone

She screamed

My god she screamed

Brace yourself

He whispered

I was more prepared

Her scream that tore

Face broken in pain

How I’ve been there before

How I’ve been there before

Oh I’m so sorry this world is breaking you

I’m sorry

That was all I could say as she lay sobbing on the ground

I’m sorry

I hope it gets better

And he said

I’ll find a song for you

And now I’m safe in the arms of the wind

And Chester’s scream

Somewhere I belong

I hope she’s okay

I wish I could have helped

He stands

We’re on the bus sit down

He whispers loudly

And I tell him to stop using people against me

And he says to stop saying hateful things about myself I wouldn’t dare apply to another living being

And I say

Shut up

Shut up you

And it’s not eloquent

But he’s the only one who stands up for me

And he’s the only one who tells me he will be

Always

Regardless

You stupid mortal

You stupid…

And then I feel his love

From a liar the lyre

My god

The girls were fat

Were they?

All they did was dance around and prove he’s too thin

They looked like regular women to me

You know what Hermes?

He wins he often wins he’s not wrong

Couldn’t imagine they put him to shame

Couldn’t imagine he put them for me

Just dancing

Just dancing

Lucky them

They got to be in the same room as him

I bet he knows their names

Or knew them for the entire shoot

How lucky for them

He’s watching me sidelong

Wasn’t it a positive message?

He asks

A little bit

But as he’s already proven, dear Messenger

He’s not interested in fat chicks

Could you stop?

Could he have said hello?

A sigh

As if every action you don’t do from now on can be reasoned with “Well Josh didn’t so why should I?”

Please stop being boring

Said the deity with the six pack.

He responded by disconnecting my headphones.

Dick.

You

You know I think about it sometimes

How much I tried for you how much I poured out for you

How much I did for you

Hours and hours

Not one website two

Not one poem

One thousand

And I would walk

But I did

And you weren’t home

I sent it all to you

Memories I wrote memories I lost

Memories I’m afraid of

I sent you every part of me

And I still don’t know if you just never saw me

Or if you just never wanted to see me

But I

I tried

Did you?

I still see her grip

Resting trees flowers budded but closed

Her fingertips still brushed over the surface as if her lingering touch yet chills them

As late as spring is my body notices the difference

But looking around the humans are not affected

They say

I haven’t slept

I’m so tired

But they do not feel her hands on their skin

They do not feel her breath

They don’t see the remnants of winter

And see how their effect on her affects them which also affects me

They do not associate the sleepy lurid languid waking of the plants and creatures around them with themselves

They do not see

Winter’s hand long gone, Winter’s touch still lingering.