Elucidating Questions

You have to think it back

Think it back

To the point where everything fell down

And broke apart

There is nothing I can say to fix

Say to fix

All the pain that is hidden here

All the hurt that I always fear

Even if you run past the time still ticks on

It’s not as if I can turn off my self

I was just weak

I just wasn’t right

I only wanted to see

If there was anything good in me

But what I found was all you

And you never called back

So I follow the dark road

Seeking shelter and a hand to hold

I won’t look back

Never turning back

But the part that breaks my heart

Is how I wanted your love

It’s how I wanted your love

Sometimes I have to check if my heart’s still beating

There’s no one beside me to tell me I’m alive

I wander in my own existence

Frightened of the next time I feel my heart beating

Sometimes it’s a matter of seconds

Sometimes it goes on for days

This time spent only lonely

This time spend wasting away

The time that speeds forwards

And screams its ending comes

I don’t know where to go now

The darkness only speaks his name

I wish I could return

Return to whence I came

The cats are fighting outside

Howling and yowling

I can hear their claws in the cries

Get the fuck off my space you other cat how dare

It’s always times like these when I think of you and I wonder

How did I get your name so right?

From the beginning I called you cat (ネコ) and it suited you well but I never do get things right

It would be a name of all things

I hear them fighting

And I know that’s how you fight

Stand your ground

Ears back

Expression guarded

With claws concealed under the cloak

Sometimes I miss the way it used to be

Sometimes I wonder how it was ever so easy

Do you remember when I got frustrated and started writing zodiac poetry?

No, you don’t.

See this ordeal I’ve been through has been entirely solitary

And I thought at the end you’d be there waiting but I thought too much

I do that

You’d know

But you don’t

And over there suddenly it makes perfect sense

The sobriety the truth grants you

I like her dog too

Now I understand

Now I know why it was then that I jumped

Because you want to marry her anyway

Oh the feelings that one calls

You’ll marry her, be happy

And I’ll be here

I’ll be here

And you won’t know the half of it

Do you ever wish you could stop sounding like a rabid victim constantly spewing victim spit like it’s the new meme?

Or is that just me?

I wish someone could step inside me for a moment

Give my memories a good look over

Experience them as me without me getting in the way

And tell me how this always happens

Throwing popcorn and screaming

Why won’t she say anything?

Why did he say that?!

I don’t know where you found popcorn in my brain but if it’s in my brain it’s mine

Put it back

That would be typical too

Whomever they is could just find popcorn I’ve been searching around this place for a fucking map but

At least I have popcorn

It’s no chicken

But it’ll do

Your love is not the killing kind

It’s not

Not in the least slightest most miniscule way is your love the killing kind

I’m sure she’s beautiful

Someone to stay near you

Now you’ve moved on and no one’s gone

You get everything

Never the one

Never the one

Always leaving

Always

But it’s not the killing kind

Never could a love that burns so beautiful blue and pure through and through

Could be any kind of killing kind

Not that it matters

Not that any of this matters

The moments I’m glad you’re happy are the most painful

Nothing could be more perfect