Elucidating Questions

If only if only

I find myself wishing I could repeat it

I’m not the one wanting to hurt you

I’m not the one wanting

But useless

How can I see through fair eyes only this world that isn’t what I meant it to be?

You, and You

You make me, in wanting to reach you, cut out little shapes in the paper and throw the dust upon you

Happier skies over there over there

So near yet far beyond ever coming within my grasp

I imagine our first meeting

As you revealing it’s not our first meeting

Implied reading

The way there’s no time

And you had no time for me

Expectations and pretences dripping

So there

So there

Would that have been different if this is the same?

Welcome

Oh welcome

Let me adorn you with praise and acceptance

While you decide how I should behave a live and react

Welcome welcome

Just another person who thinks they know the me

So there

So there

The backwards mirror

Showing me how it feels

When I already knew

Is this karma or just how my life goes?

Demanding

Always of me

Yet if I was to make demands they shut off shun me speak their cruel barbs and leave

So there

So there

Yet if there was one thing to be learnt it is that no matter what

It’s just people soliciting you for their own self indulgence

So there

So there

If only you were fucking kidding me

I tried to come with no pretences

They find me

The first days in a new sky

The worst and most uncomfortable

When missing Sirius

When missing Orion

When the twins no longer say good morning and goodnight

Sitting under the light the night is far away

His brightness should be enough I shouldn’t stray

Yet I find myself wandering still

Seeking other lights under his glow

Does he seek my wanting?

Does he seek my loving?

Even now over my shoulder

He’s found his way onto the screen

Blinding me backwards

Stubbornly reaching my eyes despite my about face

Sol though Sol

My daylight companion

One

And then millions

Can’t you hear their chorus?

Does your light shine too bright to see them?

Do you recognise

Do you see the lights?

In daylight I still know they are

They are

If they aren’t they will be

Somewhere a swan a bear a spoon

I’m dreaming of winter skies

Bore does that which old men wrote in closed rooms with inked quills

Old words stolen whence in histories lost the crime is overlooked

Greatness in theft

Greatness in deception

Greatness in repetition

Star light star bright

The first star of the night

Arcturus shines as the waning light

Plucks the starlight into sight

The nose of the bear stretches across the sky

The first night’s stars to meet the eye

Turns waiting Eastward to try

To get the first look at the moon

Whose fullness will be rising soon

People who get me

But how easy am I to get?

How many of the secrets I never say paint their way into a dark canvas, covering the colour and dissolving them?

How can I be sure what is temporary what is real?

All I see is the right now

But my panicked, tired, mind

Shows me horrors from tomorrow

It’s just a day away

Yesterday’s gone along with the feeling of feeling known

I remain unknown

Darker feeling creeping in underneath the tapestry created by

Shooting smiles all around

This thick black ink I cannot escape

Slowly drinking the colour away

Right beside you

Another day