Poetry
This is the general category of fuckery that goes on and on and doesn’t seem interested in stopping.
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I wish I could be beautiful
A beautiful soul
A beautiful face
Beautiful
But there’s a darkness in me
It only comes out for those who show it
I only give what I get.
I cannot be beautiful
Because I have such ugliness
It shows on my face
I am the ugliness
I wish I could be beautiful
Maybe then you’d see me
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I would murder them
I would pull off all their finger nails and toe nails
Cut their ears and nose off
Cut between each finger and toe
Break their arms and legs
And leave them there to suffer
I would laugh while they ask for sympathy
They never showed the children
I would shave their heads and show them their mangled faces in the mirror
Tell them
This is your true face
You monster
I would become the worst monster to show them exactly what they did to those children
I would destroy them
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I miss you
But I don’t understand what that means
I only saw you
In a trick of the light
Standing on the stage
I don’t know what it means to love you
Be loved by you
Don’t know anything about you
But I miss you
And then I yearn to see you
And when I go to find you
I only miss you more
But when I try to hide away
And keep it from the light of day
It only leads to feeling like I haven’t had that special something
Something that you give me
I wish that you could see me
I miss you
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Lovely young lady
You forget that you’re young
You forget that twenty years happens three times in a long life
I wish you wanted a long life
Wish I could put my hands on your head and take those thoughts away
I want to give you a hug
And slap you across your face
The sun is beautiful
And we are here
And it is a miracle
And there’s so much more to see than him
Than him
I get stuck on him
I just switched looked up phased out and lost myself in him
And switched back and came to write you some more letters.
But there’s more than him
And he is beautiful and perfect and thus entirely out of reach for anyone but those of his explicit choosing
Just because reality is a bitch doesn’t mean you have to hate it
I love it in spite of it
I’ll love it stubbornly because no one seems to love it
I wish I could find you and answer
I wish I was more than I am so I could help you
Beautiful young lady
You’re on my thoughts too.
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Can I have your attention?
Just a sad little sound
Wishing I could burn bright enough for you
And I spin silently
Endless days in and out
It just happens it just goes
So lost in the things no one knows
I wish I could have you for just five minutes
Be worth your time for just five minutes
The sad little sounds falling all around
What does it ever mean
What could it ever mean
If you could just give me a sign that I’m not nothing
My eternity without you
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Dear Hermes
Be more clear and then don’t throw a fit when I got it wrong
Or something
I want music that doesn’t make me think of him
I want to sing without being reminded I’m not singing with him
And I demand
Demand
Don’t laugh at me
I demand you tell me his name so this can be done
Tell me so I can stop searching
Is thirty not old enough?
You’ll sit sending your cryptic messages and I will search for nothing?
Over there he sits happily ever after ever more
I wish the earth would stop quaking
Stop holding the line
God it’s so hard to stay awake
Do you still succumb to the light of day?
As if
As if you’re ever awake
Whoever you are…
I’m growing old without you.
Elucidating Questions 