Elucidating Questions

Invisible dashed with rain

And slowly going insane

Trying to figure out the one thing

Trying to isolate the one thing

Maybe I can’t see the bigger picture?

Maybe my mind is clouded

What makes them slip away slowly?

Like every cherished friendship just

They told me there were red strings

And fated people

And “my tribe”

But I’m alone here

No one quite gets me

No one sticks around

Invisible to everyone

I feel so invisible to everyone

Waiting for you is like holding my breath as long as I can and then letting out

Like awaiting the sound of pitter patter as you run through the living room

I see you every chance I get

But I’ve never met you

Little Pan

Abuser of Syrinx, creator of the flute which bares his name

Little god, not quite

Do they find it fun when we name our wee ones after them?

Or is it blasphemous

Suppose we’ll never know

But waiting for you little one I count the minutes, hours, and days

Until you’re finally in my arms

If I yearn for you

I wonder what for

I know I’ve never met you

How can I feel you so?

But you can’t feel me

Entirely obvious

If you could you wouldn’t stay away

You’d feel the pull and come to me

We would slowly collide like two comets meeting in a frozen explosion

If you felt me you would have come running when I started falling

No one came

So it must not be you

But then

I see your face and I hear your voice

Read your every expression like a book

I feel like I’ve come home

And I wish it wasn’t so

If you get one love

I’m still not getting you

And you

Wherever you are

Whatever you’re doing

I wish it was now

I wish we already knew eachother well

I wish I love you was outloud

I search for you everyday

You’re everywhere when I sleep

Where could you be?

And why isn’t it here?

I miss the time that we’re losing while I’m stuck here waiting

How can I love you not bring you closer to me?

I don’t think you know the desperation

Counting every dollar of every cheque

Waiting with baited breath to see if there will be one

Life lived constantly on the edge

If anything went wrong I’d be ruined

I don’t think you know calculating every cent two weeks before it even comes

About the same day it gets here

It’s already gone

I don’t think you know how it feels to count down to zero every two weeks

And then watch it

So quickly it’s all gone

I don’t think you’ve lived like this

I wish I didn’t live like this

What could I possibly say

What could I possibly ask

What would make you see

What would make you say

I don’t have any words

Nothing worthy of your ears

Nothing great enough for your eyes

Nothing

With a derisive laugh

What could he possibly what to say to me?

Me who is nothing.

Just a passing figment of the universe’s imagination