Elucidating Questions

If I yearn for you

I wonder what for

I know I’ve never met you

How can I feel you so?

But you can’t feel me

Entirely obvious

If you could you wouldn’t stay away

You’d feel the pull and come to me

We would slowly collide like two comets meeting in a frozen explosion

If you felt me you would have come running when I started falling

No one came

So it must not be you

But then

I see your face and I hear your voice

Read your every expression like a book

I feel like I’ve come home

And I wish it wasn’t so

If you get one love

I’m still not getting you

And you

Wherever you are

Whatever you’re doing

I wish it was now

I wish we already knew eachother well

I wish I love you was outloud

I search for you everyday

You’re everywhere when I sleep

Where could you be?

And why isn’t it here?

I miss the time that we’re losing while I’m stuck here waiting

How can I love you not bring you closer to me?

I don’t think you know the desperation

Counting every dollar of every cheque

Waiting with baited breath to see if there will be one

Life lived constantly on the edge

If anything went wrong I’d be ruined

I don’t think you know calculating every cent two weeks before it even comes

About the same day it gets here

It’s already gone

I don’t think you know how it feels to count down to zero every two weeks

And then watch it

So quickly it’s all gone

I don’t think you’ve lived like this

I wish I didn’t live like this

What could I possibly say

What could I possibly ask

What would make you see

What would make you say

I don’t have any words

Nothing worthy of your ears

Nothing great enough for your eyes

Nothing

With a derisive laugh

What could he possibly what to say to me?

Me who is nothing.

Just a passing figment of the universe’s imagination

Did you think you had to write

All day and all night

Every little word

All to save the world

Like there was an answer to the pen

Little curses written in

Maybe godly maybe sin

And just sit back and wait?

Did you walk the same road

Always in circles always around

Searching for some reason

Some person

No matter how far away

Always feeling nearer

Hidden messages at play

Delusions clearer and clearer

Or was it the madness that raught

Secret hidden miseries taught

Pulled through days of nothing

Sinking deep into the waves

Do I even know you like I think?

Or was it really just a blink

Some lies I taught myself to get through to the next day

I suppose I’ll never know

Cause I’ll be here

And you’ll be there

I suppose that’s the joke

How do I love you?

I’ve never met you

One time a saw you

So tired

How do I love you?

You’re beautiful

Your voice like an angel

I wish I could see you

I don’t know how to love from a distance

I have to approach you

I have to see you

How do I love you?

Leaving little notes where I can

Two thousand poems

If only you would read them

How do I love you?

I love you

I miss you

But it never really mattered to you