Elucidating Questions

I don’t know why

It’s coming up again

I don’t want to see this

Stop coming up again

But it’s only the truth

And the truth can’t hurt

What all he’s hurt

The problem is he isn’t wrong.

That’s the problem

There are too many problems

Too many letters

How could you not see all these letters?

As if he could ever see me

Why keep trying

Pointless.

Just one word

Don’t tell me you see me when I know you never will

How much does it cost to meet you these days?

Will I ever be good enough to afford to meet you?

Just once?

I asked for somebody to love and the universe gave me a man who tried to smother me with a pillow for crying

Don’t ever ask for “somebody” to love

I wish I could just reach out and

It’s not appropriate to touch people you’ve never met

Can I look at you?

Or is that too much?

Can I see you?

Just for a second

Just for a second…

Sometimes I think about the family I had

That loved me because they chose to

That chose not to love me

Because the queen of hearts said so

Sometimes I think it was all my fault

And sometimes I think it was all their fault

And when I asked if I was hated

I was worth nothing more than a vague response

So were they even ever family?

I don’t know what family is.

I know I have a mom, but the feeling of family

I miss the feeling of family

I don’t know if I deserved this

But this is what I have

How are you?

I know you’re busy

Could you tell me how you are?

Cause I’ve been wondering

And I know you aren’t far

But I keep wondering

Just wondering

How you are

When the tears fall

Does anyone feel me?

Does anyone feel the hole in my soul where you’re missing?

Do they feel how it tears me to pieces?

Am I truly alone in my sorrows?

Am I alone in my longing?

Pulling every piece of myself apart

Trying to find you somewhere within

Without a compass to guide me

Without your hand to guide me

Who are you?

Why do you torment me with wanting you?

Who do you think you are just moving into my mind, my soul, my heart

Another day another dollar I will never see

Why I have to walk alone

Why I have to be alone

I don’t need to eat

If my body doesn’t say I’m hungry

I simply won’t feed it

It must not need it

Fat fat fat

It could eat all that!

Don’t need food

It’s too much to ask of me

There is something wrong with humans

Not getting their energy from the sun

It’s a defect

I don’t need to eat

And it won’t matter if I don’t