Elucidating Questions

When the tears fall

Does anyone feel me?

Does anyone feel the hole in my soul where you’re missing?

Do they feel how it tears me to pieces?

Am I truly alone in my sorrows?

Am I alone in my longing?

Pulling every piece of myself apart

Trying to find you somewhere within

Without a compass to guide me

Without your hand to guide me

Who are you?

Why do you torment me with wanting you?

Who do you think you are just moving into my mind, my soul, my heart

Another day another dollar I will never see

Why I have to walk alone

Why I have to be alone

I don’t need to eat

If my body doesn’t say I’m hungry

I simply won’t feed it

It must not need it

Fat fat fat

It could eat all that!

Don’t need food

It’s too much to ask of me

There is something wrong with humans

Not getting their energy from the sun

It’s a defect

I don’t need to eat

And it won’t matter if I don’t

I wish I could properly describe the pain

Make you feel it too just for moment

The feeling of having someone pulling your muscles off

The feeling of someone taking hold of you and squeezing as hard as they can

Thousands of tiny needles traveling up and down the arms and legs

My leg giving out as I’m walking

I wish I could describe the feeling

Of something desperately clawing its way out of my body

Of a sharp knife plunging in

I wish I could describe the pain

So you could feel it too

And then maybe you’d understand

When I say “it hurts”

What it actually means

I wish I could be beautiful

A beautiful soul

A beautiful face

Beautiful

But there’s a darkness in me

It only comes out for those who show it

I only give what I get.

I cannot be beautiful

Because I have such ugliness

It shows on my face

I am the ugliness

I wish I could be beautiful

Maybe then you’d see me

I would murder them

I would pull off all their finger nails and toe nails

Cut their ears and nose off

Cut between each finger and toe

Break their arms and legs

And leave them there to suffer

I would laugh while they ask for sympathy

They never showed the children

I would shave their heads and show them their mangled faces in the mirror

Tell them

This is your true face

You monster

I would become the worst monster to show them exactly what they did to those children

I would destroy them

I miss you

But I don’t understand what that means

I only saw you

In a trick of the light

Standing on the stage

I don’t know what it means to love you

Be loved by you

Don’t know anything about you

But I miss you

And then I yearn to see you

And when I go to find you

I only miss you more

But when I try to hide away

And keep it from the light of day

It only leads to feeling like I haven’t had that special something

Something that you give me

I wish that you could see me

I miss you