Elucidating Questions

My favourite part about the Queen of Hearts was how she tormented me for having no breasts

And then turned around to write about how traumatic it was when people commented on the size of hers

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts was how I tried to get closer to her

And then she sent me away, followed by her complaining that I was isolating myself

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts is she spent over a year letting her dislike of me fester

And then told me I was terrible at communicating

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts is how I held her child in the night so she could sleep

And then she said I was being unhelpful

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts is how she turned her entire family against me

Before chopping off my head

When what I really want to do is forget you

Like reoccurring dream you keep coming back

I’m trying, you know

Well, I’m attempting

The universe just brings you back

But not really

That’s the joke

I came so far

And yet I’m back here again

I should be over this by now

But I’m still right here

I’m so ready for something real

Something that doesn’t end in the police being called

Something where we both have good feelings

Something where I can love someone who actually loves me

So ready for something real

Not this fantasy about some guy who isn’t even real

He’s a character played on TV in a band

Not real

I want something real

I want someone who will see me write them several thousand poems and love them

Just…just not any somebody

I want to find the somebody.

It looks so sad in hindsight

Proclaiming my love for no one

Because in the end that’s all he is

To me

Because he’s not real

So whatever I felt was wrong

And you either laugh or you cry

Check out the sad, ugly, fat, non-binary person proclaiming their love to the super star

And he’s straight

So what am I?

It couldn’t be wronger

Clearly there’s no fate

And it was crazy

But he doesn’t like that song anymore

I wonder what he’d say if he got one word

I know what I’d say

I suppose he could say nothing

Here I am thinking about impossibilities again

The literal universe keeps us apart

And I can’t beat it

Deep breath

Show you an unaffected me

Because it’s too deep

Too deep a hole

Don’t step into it

Better to just ignore it and plant signs

Do not cross

This is not a cross roads it’s a hole

There are no sexy demons at the bottom of the hole

Please stay away

And like a love song is going to help me

No one will stand with me on a mountain

Because I can’t hike

No one will bathe with me in the sea

Because

Well because there’s no one

I pulled on the string until I found the end

There’s no one attached to it

No one

But we’re going to be just fine

Because if that’s the way they’re going to play it

They’re the ones at fault not me

So Aphrodite can stop fucking laughing at me

Ow

Like straight shot to the fucking heart

Ow

And how I want to smile and say

So fucking what

Who needs him

Take him

He’s nothing

And inside I’m screaming

Wrong wrong wrong

Because I followed all the street signs and read all the directions

And I ended up absolutely fucking no where

With no one

And nothing

And I want to smile

And run my nails through the walls

And say

Absofuckinglutely.

This is where I got

Of course I’m wrong

And the tears don’t mean a thing

Just that it hit right home

Of course you’re right

There’s no bigger rejection than absolute silence

It’s the truth

I was wrong

And I’m not worthy of him

Or anyone

I’m not

I just want to sleep