Elucidating Questions

It looks so sad in hindsight

Proclaiming my love for no one

Because in the end that’s all he is

To me

Because he’s not real

So whatever I felt was wrong

And you either laugh or you cry

Check out the sad, ugly, fat, non-binary person proclaiming their love to the super star

And he’s straight

So what am I?

It couldn’t be wronger

Clearly there’s no fate

And it was crazy

But he doesn’t like that song anymore

I wonder what he’d say if he got one word

I know what I’d say

I suppose he could say nothing

Here I am thinking about impossibilities again

The literal universe keeps us apart

And I can’t beat it

Deep breath

Show you an unaffected me

Because it’s too deep

Too deep a hole

Don’t step into it

Better to just ignore it and plant signs

Do not cross

This is not a cross roads it’s a hole

There are no sexy demons at the bottom of the hole

Please stay away

And like a love song is going to help me

No one will stand with me on a mountain

Because I can’t hike

No one will bathe with me in the sea

Because

Well because there’s no one

I pulled on the string until I found the end

There’s no one attached to it

No one

But we’re going to be just fine

Because if that’s the way they’re going to play it

They’re the ones at fault not me

So Aphrodite can stop fucking laughing at me

Ow

Like straight shot to the fucking heart

Ow

And how I want to smile and say

So fucking what

Who needs him

Take him

He’s nothing

And inside I’m screaming

Wrong wrong wrong

Because I followed all the street signs and read all the directions

And I ended up absolutely fucking no where

With no one

And nothing

And I want to smile

And run my nails through the walls

And say

Absofuckinglutely.

This is where I got

Of course I’m wrong

And the tears don’t mean a thing

Just that it hit right home

Of course you’re right

There’s no bigger rejection than absolute silence

It’s the truth

I was wrong

And I’m not worthy of him

Or anyone

I’m not

I just want to sleep

Does cuing love true truly bring any one?

For many a times it would have been best

If only if only

Whoever is writing this novel

Do they see me?

Does anyone see me?

Love true

Who are you?

Where?

And wherefore?

Did I do it wrong?

The spells

The charms

The visualising

Just

Manifest it

They say

So where?

If it’s so easy…

Can I cue you now?

What are you doing?

Where ever you are

Are you asleep beside her?

I’m really not far

Just find myself wondering

As the clock draws near

What it was that stopped you

Dislike or fear?

Did you even wonder

Did you even look

I wanted to meet you

So badly I’ve shook

Is it true?

That instead of see me

You’d rather drown?

Did you even see me?

Or am I still a clown?

I know I’m not good enough for you

But she isn’t either

At this rate no one will be good enough

But you’ll still stay with her

She doesn’t treat you right

But you’ll think this is how you deserve it

You could have anyone you want

And you picked an abusive one

Is that my fault? At least she doesn’t hit you

But she’ll laugh in your face

And make fun of you

And you love this?

Masochists are so sad.

You’re so sad.