Elucidating Questions

There’s just so much

It’s locked inside

Doesn’t want to bubble up

If I let it out what will happen?

Probably a lot of nothing again

There’s never any answer

If I pour my heart out

There’s never any reason

If only there was a reason

For loving you

No matter how far away

I can feel you near

But you don’t feel me like I do

There’s no last hope

There’s no holding on

There’s nothing

There’s nothing

When you’re all alone you start searching

Until you can find a new best friend

But sometimes no human comes along

And your friend is an animal instead

When a guinea pig is your best friend you have someone to sit with

When a guinea pig is your best friend you will see gratitude

A guinea pig won’t judge you

Or hurt you

Or abandon you

When your best friend is a guinea pig kisses become currency

I’ll lick you three times if you give me a carrot

When your best friend is a guinea pig wheek wheek wheek sounds like I love you

But also like it’s veggie time

You’re reminded to appreciate the little things like dinner time and snack time

When your best friend is a guinea pig you’re not friends for long

But every moment counts

And every cuddle counts

I could do one day without it

If only it would go

Without it hate would die

Without it there is no reason to hate

And yet there it is

Every day

Little reminders

Jesus Christ

And how I wish we could do away with it

Worship and bible verses and pastors

All disgusting when you look at it

All hideous when you look at it

And the poor sacrificial lamb

Who believed he was solving all

By spilling blood

And taking blame

And all his disgusting followers

Went and spilled blood

But only in his name

Raped

Beat

Burned alive

Tortured

In the name of “the Lord” Jesus Christ

What I wouldn’t give to live in a world

Where that stupid fool had never been made

My favourite part about the Queen of Hearts was how she tormented me for having no breasts

And then turned around to write about how traumatic it was when people commented on the size of hers

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts was how I tried to get closer to her

And then she sent me away, followed by her complaining that I was isolating myself

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts is she spent over a year letting her dislike of me fester

And then told me I was terrible at communicating

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts is how I held her child in the night so she could sleep

And then she said I was being unhelpful

My favourite thing about the Queen of Hearts is how she turned her entire family against me

Before chopping off my head

When what I really want to do is forget you

Like reoccurring dream you keep coming back

I’m trying, you know

Well, I’m attempting

The universe just brings you back

But not really

That’s the joke

I came so far

And yet I’m back here again

I should be over this by now

But I’m still right here

I’m so ready for something real

Something that doesn’t end in the police being called

Something where we both have good feelings

Something where I can love someone who actually loves me

So ready for something real

Not this fantasy about some guy who isn’t even real

He’s a character played on TV in a band

Not real

I want something real

I want someone who will see me write them several thousand poems and love them

Just…just not any somebody

I want to find the somebody.