Elucidating Questions

What it is to be high

The little pains don’t pain me as much

Not only that they’re dulled and hushed

But my mind doesn’t catch on them

Feel the pain and immediately feel a failure

It’s not gone today

My mind moves like syrup

Instead of like light 

The hundred of threads quiet down to one or two

Maybe three

Not four

Just quieter

And I don’t feel so out of the world

The entire time with my head beyond the sky

Down to Earth is not a term we use here

I’m still floating, but here I can breathe

I can put up with so much more

I wish this was free

I wish I was allowed to feel this way for free

But I am now

For now

Is any of this even real?

Is it all a dream?

If it were a dream

There would be a great darkness coming for me

In the shape of a man

Whose arms are warmer than summer

Whose kisses fall like rain

Oh dream man

Who the hell are you?

Why does my mind return to you night after night?

I find myself begging with my dreams

Please just to see him

Please just to hold him

But in waking hours there is no one,

But which is really the dream?

Does a great man haunt me?

He started out as a long braided god of death

He’s taken many forms

He’s been beast and man and unfathomable

I search for him

If only he was here in waking hours

Or should I pray he stays away?

He brings something dark with him

But I still want him to stay

And I sat down outside

Hearing music

He’s coming

I knew it

But it wasn’t the right station

So instead a reminder

I knew it

Do I affect music?

It seems so subtle

Like it’s barely there at all

But it speaks to me and I don’t know what it’s saying

I wish he would come

How I wish he would come

I wish to walk where my ancestors did

Through field and fen

Through hills and moors

I wish to touch magic how my ancestors did

Feeling the powers of the gods

Feeling the Fae in the forest

I wish to reclaim what my ancestors lost

Stories and legends

Songs and spells

But I am trapped a world away

Where I don’t belong

In someone else’s world

I wish to return to the homeland

But the land has long since

Been not mine to return to

Waiting waiting

For what?

To be the one?

To be able to afford to live?

They say if you work hard it will grow to fruition

But they didn’t take me into account

It doesn’t matter how hard you try or work

Things don’t go quite right

I’m waiting

Waiting

Hoping the world with shift

Change into a place I belong

Somewhere I belong

Somewhere…

I keep coming down all these empty roads

To dead ends running

Trying to find my way

To the tick of the clock

My bag is ripped

My shoes are worn

I’m tired

Tired tired

Keep coming down these empty streets

To meet nothing again

Finding lights in twists and turns

Not for me

My bag is ripped and worn

My heart is broken and torn

Walking down these empty roads

Alone