Elucidating Questions

What a surprise

What a shock

Not

Just one more person in the revolving door that is my life

Making assumptions about me when they don’t know anything

Just people deciding who I am

No one fucking knows me

I’m so sick of people thinking they know me

And then coming along and telling me what I should be like

I don’t

I don’t

But they do

So good luck and goodbye

Meeting and parting repeatedly

Welcome to the airport that is my life

Now get on your fucking plane

The juxtaposition of me crying

And you laughing

The juxtaposition of me all alone

And you with her

Jarring

Like I don’t quite belong here

Like I just don’t fit

In your world

I don’t belong here

In your world

I just want to sleep

When I sleep sometimes he is there

And I don’t know who he is

But he loves me

In my dreams

I look for him

And sometimes he’s there

At least I get to dream someone loves me

Tricks of my own mind

Never during waking hours

Only at night

If I was good I could have him

If I was good there would still be people

There’s no good here

Just a hole

There’s nothing good here

There’s just a hole

Holes aren’t good

Neither am I

I wish I didn’t feel despair when thinking about romantic relationships

Didn’t see all the nothing in my life

It opens wide and swallows me whole into nothing

Your silence fucked me up

Now I think I deserve it

Your silence fucked me up

Now I expect to pour my heart out

And hear nothing

You fucked me up

Deciding to brush me off like a bug

Now I feel like one

I can’t see past 2000 fucking poems

And the silence that follows them

There’s just so much

It’s locked inside

Doesn’t want to bubble up

If I let it out what will happen?

Probably a lot of nothing again

There’s never any answer

If I pour my heart out

There’s never any reason

If only there was a reason

For loving you

No matter how far away

I can feel you near

But you don’t feel me like I do

There’s no last hope

There’s no holding on

There’s nothing

There’s nothing