Elucidating Questions

What do I really think?

Could I even dare to say

When all it does is hurt

And make people go away

They never want to hear

What’s really in my heart

Better keep it here

Locked secret in the dark

So many tiny things

Just slipped by and ignored

In search of all the options

Just sometimes I get bored

I see them all repeating

Their today’s same thoughts

Do they hear the echoing?

Of their thinking yesterday?

Or is it like a tunnel

They don’t know which way

Best to keep it secret

Best to keep them safe

Let the thoughts just settle

Lest any of them chafe

Trying not to let the lonely set in

Feel it claw through my chest underneath my skin

It only lasts for a little while

I’d give anything to see a smile

And it’s no good because I’m not ready

House disheveled heart not steady

Trying just to sing again

Who do you love? Well, you, and then

Take a breath I’m all alone

Please find me and bring me home

In the moonlight I danced

Sway and sway

Antares tricked me again again

I wish to see your light aways away

See where he hit you in the light of day

So far away you spin and spin

I can’t wait to see you again

Just when I think I’ve found the answer

But I’m not like these people either

I’m not like other people

I’m not like other girls on steroids

But

Why isn’t anyone drawn to me?

They seem drawn to each other

Are they all magnets and I’m not?

Just positives and negatives meeting negatives and positives

Or North and South

The point is

Am I not?

Why am I so different from everyone else what is wrong with me

I

Wish people were drawn to me

Like one of them

Or him

In the game of rich man poor man

I always seem to be the great pauper

Dear you where are you now and what are you doing?

Waiting for a chance to finally see you

Stuck in real life where you don’t exist

Wishing for just one chance to see your precious face

If this were a dream you’d be with me

But reality bleeds in

You’re somewhere out of reach

Dreams wearing thin

I’m trying to reach out to you

But you never hold out your hand

I’m here searching for nothing

In this dreary land

Is this a gift from “God”?

Knowing how to weave words together and make them speak

Is this why I suffer?

Do I suffer because it’s a gift?

If I ask myself what this is all I see are letters

ABC and so on and so forth just formed into different patterns they don’t accomplish anything

Sometimes I think I’ll be discovered some day when I’m long dead

Be like all those other poor poets who never saw a dime of their “gift” in their life time

Doesn’t that make it a cruel joke?

Working and working and putting all this together only

Only to never see the results

Rather than a gift from Apollo is it not a trick from Hermes?

Screaming communication into the void only to never hear anything back

And then centuries pass and everyone knows your name

It couldn’t be much more than a joke

Who could call this a gift from “God”?

Thousands of letters

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