Elucidating Questions

Pain

Sitting in a room full of people

And all I think is

Pain

I used to love the rain

Used to love cloudy days

Now they bring me pain

My beautiful rain

My beautiful rain

I miss feeling your drips on my skin and feeling bliss

Without pain

I wish I could go back to days where I danced

With my beautiful rain

I mourn the days I loved the rain

Now my favourite thing

Just hurts

This one is for you

No, this time I really mean you,

Dear reader,

I see you

Thank you

I don’t think I would have a reason to continue without you

These walls would be very empty without your gaze upon them

We appreciate your presence and hope you are doing well in all that you are and if not?

I hope there is hope and I hope there is light and a very dear person once wrote the words

If they say who cares if one more light goes out?

I do

So hang around a bit.

Even if it’s just in spite of all the gods/circumstances/assholes and what they’ve done to you

Spit in their faces by existing

Someone sees you,

And cares that you are there.

What it is to be high

The little pains don’t pain me as much

Not only that they’re dulled and hushed

But my mind doesn’t catch on them

Feel the pain and immediately feel a failure

It’s not gone today

My mind moves like syrup

Instead of like light 

The hundred of threads quiet down to one or two

Maybe three

Not four

Just quieter

And I don’t feel so out of the world

The entire time with my head beyond the sky

Down to Earth is not a term we use here

I’m still floating, but here I can breathe

I can put up with so much more

I wish this was free

I wish I was allowed to feel this way for free

But I am now

For now

Is any of this even real?

Is it all a dream?

If it were a dream

There would be a great darkness coming for me

In the shape of a man

Whose arms are warmer than summer

Whose kisses fall like rain

Oh dream man

Who the hell are you?

Why does my mind return to you night after night?

I find myself begging with my dreams

Please just to see him

Please just to hold him

But in waking hours there is no one,

But which is really the dream?

Does a great man haunt me?

He started out as a long braided god of death

He’s taken many forms

He’s been beast and man and unfathomable

I search for him

If only he was here in waking hours

Or should I pray he stays away?

He brings something dark with him

But I still want him to stay

And I sat down outside

Hearing music

He’s coming

I knew it

But it wasn’t the right station

So instead a reminder

I knew it

Do I affect music?

It seems so subtle

Like it’s barely there at all

But it speaks to me and I don’t know what it’s saying

I wish he would come

How I wish he would come

I wish to walk where my ancestors did

Through field and fen

Through hills and moors

I wish to touch magic how my ancestors did

Feeling the powers of the gods

Feeling the Fae in the forest

I wish to reclaim what my ancestors lost

Stories and legends

Songs and spells

But I am trapped a world away

Where I don’t belong

In someone else’s world

I wish to return to the homeland

But the land has long since

Been not mine to return to