Elucidating Questions

It’s just stuck in my head

Over and over

One love

One love

You get

But I haven’t got anything

Where are you?

How dare you be sleeping soundly when you’re keeping me awake

With your black view of the world

And no second chances

You should be awake with me

Tormented by your own thoughts

How many one loves are lost staring at you?

You don’t even see it

You only see yourself and her

You don’t even see what you’ve done by weaving words

You don’t see how you’ve broken me

Desperately seeking just…

Just one love…

I wish I could have one love

Dear you

I don’t know what to do

Every night I dream of you

But when I wake you’re never here

I search the night to find you

I’ve walked a thousand miles

But when the sun touches my face

I don’t see your smile

When you hold me I feel safe and whole

When you’re gone I feel so lost

How do I live life without you?

If you’d come I’d pay any cost

If one love you get

Where does that leave me?

Was I never really in love?

Or was my love just not worth as much?

Is my love not worth as much?

I wake up at night

Sweating through my skin and my joints are tight

Screaming who do you love

Wondering where you are today

What you’re doing

How you’re feeling

Was it not enough?

But I got so attached

Begging every day for a moment that

Could lead me to your light

I didn’t want a fight

I tried so hard

I thought that you’d be here

But you just disappear

Fuck Father’s Day

Fuck Father’s Day and all the deadbeat fathers who think they deserve to have a day dedicated to them

Fuck not there fathers

Fuck half assed fathers

Fuck fathers who emotionally abused their children and remain in complete ignorance of what they did

I’ve never met a father who deserved a day of dedication

Is a birthday not enough?

Fuck greedy fathers

Fuck fathers who use their children

Fuck Father’s Day

You don’t deserve it and I hope you know it

Father

I just want to feel better

But I can’t afford it

I can’t afford to feel like a normal person

I keep dreaming if only if only

But there’s no way to say it

I need it to live

Because they never bothered to study Fibromyalgia

And I can’t afford it

So I can’t afford to live

All my needs are met but I’m not living

In pain

In fog

Alone

At the very least I wish I could afford to live

Why is that so much to ask for?

Alone and alone

I know I’m not alone in my experiences

Many many humans

But I’m alone

The more I interact with people

The more alone I feel

Like I’m on the other side of a wall

And I can’t be heard knocking

It’s clear like glass and I can see them

They’re interacting

Friends

And I’m

Just something else entirely

Who knows?

I don’t