Elucidating Questions

I wish you’d do something to make me hate you

Racism, sexism, allegations of anything that were founded

I just wish

I could hate you

It would make it so much easier to forget you if you’d just

Why don’t you just get really drunk and say something questionable?

Or…something

Instead of just being the single most beautiful human being on this planet

I wish you were ugly

No not on the outside on the inside

You would say you are ugly on the inside but no

No one no one could convince of that

You are

You are a shining light of the sun you are they rays of warmth on my face in the spring

You are so beautiful

I wish I could hate you

I only love beautiful people

I wish you weren’t so damn

Damn

Damn beautiful

And then my heart could rest

Sitting unplugged from it

Sitting into the alone

By myself but I think of you

And I wonder why

I still yearn for you

And you married her like I knew you would

Are you happy?

Today I thought

I’m poor but I’m happy

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything is fine

But you still haunt me in the moments that I have nothing left to see

Sometimes I wonder if I got better

Or if I just accepted my lot in life and shut up about it

Maybe I just gave up fighting it

Maybe I’m the one who stopped caring how unimportant I am

Maybe I stopped thinking about how insignificant I am because I accepted it

Even when I try not to think of him I think of him

So if I’m not thinking of something it must be because I’ve given up

Even though I’ve given up on him

Or anyone else

There’s no such thing as fate

Help I’ve been trying to hold on

And I can’t hold on much longer

Just hanging by a thread

What was short now is shorter

Can’t be called by the same name

Only something new is born now

Was the shape of something new

And now I’m just stuck on you

And now I’m really stuck on you

It was a joke until he walked in

Why does he walk in?

Who said you could come in here?

In my head?

I should go right up and smack the perfect off your face

You stupid perfect man

I’m not in love with you I’m in love with my ideas of you

Right?

What it would be like to be with you

How you are

Who you are

I don’t know you

We are complete strangers

Though once I stood mere metres away

So close yet so far

I was so alone in a room of hundreds

Not enough for you

Not worth your time

Maybe you were tired

Whatever excuses we never met

We probably never will

I wish we could meet eachother in a fateful moment

But there’s no such thing as fate

I made it all up in my head

But I still yearn for you

How cruel

I feel it in the spot my heart should be

Not quite

Something not right

Don’t feel fulfilled

Something is missing

I feel it like a stitch out of place in an otherwise perfect day

And desperately I try to identify this feeling of

Not quite full

Maybe it’s because I’m missing him?

Who knows

But it’s missing

Stuck on the feeling

It’s not right