Elucidating Questions

I’m just a little bit crazy

Just a all around non-binary human who says

Things that remind you of the crazy old man that stands on the side of the road.

No not the one that says the world is going to end

The one that says you’re all burning in the fire of the earth coming to a breaking point

Who casts a dark eye on society and

Laughingly sobs himself to sleep

Or perhaps it’s the crazy old woman

Who turns out to be psychic

Or Gandalf.

Slightly crazy

Slightly right on the nose

But also often very wrong

I’m just a bit crazy

I wonder who else knows

It’s just this penetrating feeling

A great bell ringing in my soul

You’re alone

And no matter what I say to it

It rings

You’re alone

And I point to all these animals

All these people who I speak to

I try desperately to recollect every one I have

Prove it wrong with facts

I try to convince it to silence

But it tolls

Dear The Thing

The thing that replies

The thing that just makes a sense but not a sound

The thing I can’t explain or truly understand myself

Are you God/s/ess/es?

Are you the literal universe?

Are you spirits?

Dear The Thing I don’t have a name nor shape for

That I don’t have an answer for

That answers or doesn’t answer

If I poke it it’s there

If you could learn plain English and get back to me

That would be great

If what makes me alive is my consciousness

Then other animals aren’t alive

If what makes me alive are a brain and heart

Then single cell organisms aren’t alive

If what makes me alive is my pain

Then anything that can’t feel pain isn’t alive

But we know none of this is true

A cell is alive

Other animals are alive

A plant is alive (though whether or not they feel pain is up for debate)

So what is it?

It’s not the blood in my veins or my heart or my brains

It’s not my feeling, my experiencing, my life itself is not what makes me alive

Why?

Is it a what? A who? Is it something we knew?

A god? A spark? It’s not the beating of a heart

What makes us…

Is it mitochondria?

Is the answer to life mitochondria?

How are we alive?

I mean, I know the basics

Brain make move all the things

Heart pump blood

Blood make everything go go including brain but

How?

Even living by the standard that everything is, in fact, alive…

But how?

Why?

What makes us alive?

Blood and body and organs

Why did they form?

Was there some kind of instruction manual in that tiny little single cell organism that birthed all other organisms?

“Evolving” some never before seen things

Did the brain invent itself?

Alive and dead are two very real states of existence but what is alive?

I could ponder it for hours and never have an answer

The brain may have invented itself but it doesn’t know why, or how.

Maybe the answer is unfathomable

Maybe we are unfathomable

At least the moon doesn’t ask of me

She just watches

Moon Mama

I’ve known her my entire life and I remember the first time

In the clearing through the trees

The stump in the centre trees cut down

Looking up

Up into the sky

Her full face

So large so round looking down

At me looking up

I knew I would love her forever

Never has she judged me

Always offering her cool kind light

We know it’s sunlight

But it has touched and rebounded

From the kind shield round

About to me

Where I see

Only gentle light and marked face

Held aloft in time and space

By invisible bonds that hold us all

She reminds me of someone I should call

Mum